


Childs Play

by pupeez4eva



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Gen, HRE!Germany, Humor, Kid!America, Kid!Germany, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prussia being the worst babysitter ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 47,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10961952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: Prussia accidentally turns America and Germany into kids again. Now he has to hide America from England, and distract Germany from his quest to find his long-lost love...a.k.a Italy. HRE!Germany.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was actually written quite a while ago, and originally posted on my fanfiction account. No idea what's happening with the whole HRE-Germany theory, since I'm not that active in the Hetalia fandom anymore, but someone mentioned that it'd been confirmed that they weren't the same? Not too sure if that's true or not, but if it is, this was written before that revelation. So...yeah :) Hopefully you enjoy this!

Prussia was bored.

It wasn't often that he got bored - being the awesome person that he was, he always had something fun up his sleeve. Today though...he had nothing.

He was completely and utterly _bored._

"Hey England," he said, walking over to the nearest nation. "What are you doing?"

England, who had been hunched over a book, looked up and glared at him.

"Go away," he snapped.

Ignoring this, Prussia dumped himself down in the chair beside England, and squinted to see the words written on the page.

"Dumbledora the explorer?" he snorted. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" England covered the book with his hands, his cheeks red. "Go away, you ingrate!"

"Aww, no." Prussia shoved against his arm. "Let me see!"

"Go away!"

"Don't be unawesome!" Prussia slumped against his seat, scowling slightly. "I'm really bored!"

"For the last time - _no!"_

"Can I read it with you?" Prussia glanced at him, looking hopeful. "That book is probably unworthy of my unawesome attention, but then, so is the loser currently speaking."

He glanced up at Austria, who was currently going over his idea of how to bring fourth world peace, through the use of melodious piano music.

"Go away, you idiot!" England snapped. "You're being annoying!"

At this, Prussia's expression darkened. "The awesome me could _never_ be annoying!"

"Well, you are." England turned back to his book, his expression creased into a frown. At this moment, Italy, who had been walking by and holding a bowl of pasta, tripped and fell on top of England.

(The fact that Prussia's foot had been purposely sticking out at that exact moment, didn't _necessarily_ mean he'd had anything to do with it...).

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU FOOL?!" England howled at Italy, who looked more distressed over the fact that he had lost his pasta, than the fact that he had spilled pasta sauce all over England.

"My pasta!" Italy wailed. "It's all gone!"

"I don't _care_ about your pasta!" England snapped, his expression thunderous. "You _ruined_ my clothes!"

"Fratello, my pasta's gone!" Italy ran over to where Romano was sitting, tears rolling down his face. He threw himself on top of the other nation; Romano let out a howl of frustration and shoved him off, yelling at him to "stop acting like an idiot."

"That idiot!" England growled, getting up and storming off to the bathroom. "That _bloody_ idiot."

As soon as he had left the room, Prussia scooted into his chair, and glanced down at the open book. His eyes drifted over the words written on the page and his brow furrowed; _this_ was what England had been reading? It didn't even make any sense!

He turned the page, his eyebrows raising as he caught sight of an illustrated picture, of a squat little man with ugly boils drawn all over his face.

Once again, the page had been filled with odd words that made no sense. Rolling his eyes slightly, Prussia turned the page and was, yet again, greeted with a similar situation.

"This sucks," he grumbled.

The door of the conference room opened, and England once again walked in, still cursing angrily under his breath. Prussia jumped slightly and moved away from England's seat. After hesitating for a moment, he pulled the book with him, and stuffed it under the table.

England sat back down, a large scowl stretched across his face. For a moment, Prussia expected him to notice the fact that his book was missing - he didn't.

Prussia sat back in his chair, gazing with a bored expression to the front of the room. Austria had now left and Italy had quickly taken the stage, and was now wailing about the loss of his pasta, while everyone else glared at him.

"Unawesome," Prussia muttered. England glanced at him, annoyance written all over his face.

"Why don't you just leave then?" he suggested, coldly. Prussia considered this, and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Why not?" he said. "It's not like I have anything better to do."

Making sure that England was no longer looking in his direction, Prussia stood up and hid the book behind his back. Trying to stay inconspicuous, he made his way towards the door, and then left the room.

...

Germany frowned up when he saw his brother leave the room.

Prussia's posture showed that he was up to something and Germany knew from experience, that this was never a good thing. He glanced to the front of the room, to where Italy had now begun to sob.

Germany stood up and headed towards the door, deciding that dealing with his brother was much better than staying here any longer.

...

America was bored out of his mind. _And_ he hadn't been scheduled in to speak today. He'd been furious about that; he was the hero! He deserved to speak at _every_ conference but, according to England, people were sick of him.

How ridiculous was _that?_

His eyes drew up when he spotted Prussia leaving the room; after a brief pause he leapt up, and decided to follow.

After all, Prussia _was_ pretty awesome.

...

Pretty much every page he had turned to had been _exactly_ the same.

Prussia frowned as he sat outside, a fair distance from the conference room, flicking through the book. He wondered if it was written in a foreign language; but then, he understood bits of it, so that couldn't be the case.

His eyes squinted slightly and he murmured a few of the words aloud.

"Don't know why England was reading this shit," he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

"Prussia?" Prussia glanced up, to see Germany walking towards him. "What are you doing?!"

"Hey Prussia!" from behind Germany, America came hurrying up. "I was bored so I thought you might have something fun to do."

"Usually I do," Prussia responded. "Right now, I'm having a brief period of unawesomeness."

"Whose book is that?" Germany's eyes narrowing at the sight of it. "Where did you get it from?"

"Calm down," Prussia snorted. "It's just England's - it's completely shit. Take a look at this."

Glancing down at the page, Prussia began to recite the words written on it.

"Hey!" America's eyes widened in recognition. "I think that's one of England's spell books!"

"What?" Germany glanced at him, oddly. _"Spell_ books?"

"Yeah," America snorted. "England actually believes in magic - ridiculous, huh?"

The next moment there was a flash of bright light, and America and Germany were gone.

...

Prussia finished off the words on the page and glanced up, expecting to see America grinning in amusement, and his brother rolling his eyes at him. Instead, the space in front of him was empty.

"Hey!" Prussia yelled. "Did you loser's leave? What the hell?! That is _so_ unawesome!"

Prussia stood up, prepared to chase after them, and declare war on them with the use of his non-existent armies.

Then he saw them.

At first, he didn't think it was _them._ The two children standing in front of him were...well, children. Germany and America weren't children. It was as simple as that.

His eyes first brushed over the small blonde child, wearing an odd blue smock, and staring up at him with wide eyes.

Prussia snorted. "What are you wearing?" he laughed. "You're a dude, aren't you? Why the hell are you wearing a _dress?!"_

The child trembled slightly.

"Aww," Prussia mocked. "Is the little girl going to cry? So unawesome!"

"You're horrible, Prussia!" snapped another child. "You can't talk that way to a lady!"

Prussia whirled around to snap at the child; his face paled when he caught sight of who it was.

"W-w-west?" he stuttered.

"I'm not a girl!" protested the first child. "I'm a boy! My name is America!"

Prussia pale further at this comment; he took a staggering step backwards, shaking his head in denial.

"No, no," he muttered. "This...this isn't real. This is just a fucked up dream, thats all."

"How come I'm with you?" the second child - Germany - demanded, his eyes narrowed. "Where is Austria and Hungary? Also -"

"West what the hell?!" Prussia's eyes were growing wider and wider. "I mean - you can't be here! What the hell is going _on?!"_

" - Where is Italy?"

"This is just fucked!" Prussia started to pace. "I mean - what the fuck _is_ this?!"

"Where is Italy, Prussia?" Germany demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Tell me!"

"You aren't here!" Prussia pressed his hands firmly over his ears. _"LA, LA, LA, LA!_ I can't _hear_ you!"

The first child - America - started to cry.

"Oh, for godsake!" removing his hands away from his ears, Prussia glared at him. _"You,_ shut up!"

"Where's England?" America bawled. "I want England!"

"Who's England?" Germany questioned. "Is he missing too, like my Italy?"

"Stop crying!" Prussia growled, glaring at America.

"Stop talking to her like that!" Germany snapped. "It isn't nice! And _where_ is Italy?!"

"I WANT MY BIG BROTHER!" America wailed. "I WANT ENGLAND!"

"Shut _up!"_ Prussia scowled. "England isn't here!"

"I WANT MY BIG BROTHER!" America continued to scream, hysterically. "I DONT LIKE YOU! YOUR MEAN AND HAVE SCARY HAIR - AND HE KEEPS CALLING ME A GIRL!"

"... _What_ did you say about my hair?!"

"Prussia!" Germany growled. "Tell me where my Italy is!"

"I don't know!" Prussia snapped. "Let me think, dammit!"

America suddenly took off down the corridor, his little legs moving as quickly as they could. Prussia let out a loud curse and hurled himself after him. He tackled America to the floor.

"Prussia!" Germany cried, sounding horrified. "You can't do that to a girl!"

America let out a loud sob. "I'm not a girl!" his eyes screwed up, and tears ran down his cheeks. "Help! He's kidnapped me!"

Germany gasped. "Is that what you did, Prussia?" he demanded. "Did you kidnap my Italy as well?!"

"Both of you, stop talking!"

"NEVER!" Germany's voice was filled with determination. "TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH MY ONE TRUE LOVE!"

Prussia glared at him. "West, shut -"

"I WANT MY BIG BROTHER!" America struggled fruitlessly, trying to get Prussia off him. "I WANT MY BIG BROTHER!"

Letting out a loud curse, Prussia grabbed America by the scruff of his smock and hauled him up into the air. He stormed up to Germany, and grabbed him too.

"Let me go!" America sobbed.

"Prussia!" Germany howled. "Tell me where the love of my life is!"

Ignoring them, Prussia opened a nearby closet door, and shoved them inside. He slammed the door, hurriedly. The last thing he heard from them was Germany's angry cry off; "ITALY, I WILL FIND YOU, MY LOVE!"

He hurried away from the door, shaking his head rapidly.

"It never happened," he muttered to himself. "It never happened..."


	2. Chapter 2

_Just don't think about it,'_ Prussia thought, his mind whirring as he stepped back into the meeting. _'Just don't think about it, and I'm sure no one will even notice.'_

"You bastard!" Prussia jumped at the sound of England's voice. "You think I wouldn't notice?!"

"Notice what?" Prussia asked, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible. The brit marched over, and Prussia lowered his eyes to the floor, trying to avoid all eye-contact.

"You took my book!" England snarled, snatching the item from Prussia's hands. "How dare you?! Keep your filthy hands away from my things!"

England marched off, still cursing under his breath. Prussia, his legs trembling, sank down into the nearest chair he could find.

"So?" he said, turning to France. "What did I miss?"

France glanced at him and shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, nothing," he replied. "Italy finished speaking a while ago. No one is really going up right now - Switzerland had been scheduled to speak, but he is bitter over the fact that he is sharing the same meeting as Austria, so..."

"Austria is so unawesome," Prussia muttered.

"Do you know where Amerique is?" France questioned. "Perhaps he would like to speak in Switzerland's place -"

_"WHAT?!"_

France stared at him.

Prussia forced out a laugh. "Why the hell would America want to speak?! This is so ridiculous! When has he _ever_ expressed interest in wanting to speak?!"

France continued to stare. "...Every meeting since he became a nation."

"Says you," Prussia snorted. "Wow France, I never took you for someone who had hallucinations. _So_ unawesome."

"...Are you alright, Prussia?" France's brow creased slightly.

"I'm fine!" Prussia snapped.

Austria wandered over at this moment, and stopped directly in front of Prussia. He frowned down at him.

"Prussia, where is your brother?" he asked.

Prussia glared at him. "Why the hell do you want to know?!" he spat.

"...Because he may be the only one able to bring some order to this meeting," Austria responded, after a brief pause.

"Well..." Prussia fumbled for words for a moment. "I don't know where he is. I'm not his keeper, alright! Fuck off!"

Austria glared at him. "Well, he _is_ one of the only people who genuinely like you."

"I like Prussia!"

Prussia jumped in alarm at the sound of Italy's voice; the sight of the other nation didn't do much better in terms of his anxiety. Immediately his mind was filled with kid-Germany's rants...

_'TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH MY ONE TRUE LOVE?!'_

_'Tell me where the one of my life is!'_

_'ITALY, I WILL FIND YOU, MY LOVE!'_

"STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU CREEP!" Prussia howled, glaring viciously at Italy. "MY ARMIES WILL CRUSH YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

Italy (along with almost everyone else in the room) stared at him with wide eyes.

...

By the end of the meeting, Prussia's entire form was trembling. The anxiety of being found out, along with the guilt of locking two children in a closet (not that he would admit he was guilty) was starting to get to him.

Prussia didn't like it; not one bit.

After the meeting he lingered behind, waiting for everyone to leave. The room cleared out, much too slowly for his liking; in the end, the only ones left were himself and China.

"Uh..." Prussia coughed. "Do you mind hurrying up there?"

China, who had been fumbling around with a pile of papers, glanced up and glared at him.

"What do you want, aru?"

"I want you to...you know." Prussia waved one hand. "...Hurry up a bit."

"I'm going as fast as I can, aru!" China snapped.

"Obviously not, since your the last one left," Prussia muttered.

China glared. "Stop pushing me, aru!"

Prussia turned away, muttering under his breath. China continued with what he was doing; a moment later he frowned, and glanced down at one of the paper's he was holding. He let out a loud exclamation.

Prussia frowned at him. "Seriously, can you leave?"

"I was scheduled to speak today, aru!" China cried. "They skipped over me!"

"Great..." Prussia eyed him, and then glanced towards the exit. "There's the door."

"Where is your brother, aru?" China demanded. "Tell me where he is! I must speak to him!"

"What the _hell_ is up with everyone wanting to talk to West?" Prussia grumbled. In a louder voice, he said; "I don't know where he is. Why the hell would I know."

"Because he is your brother, aru," China responded.

"So?" Prussia shrugged. "Korea is your brother but that doesn't mean everyone constantly acts unawesome, and asks _you_ where he is."

China shuddered. "That's because no one would willingly want to spend time with Yong Soo, aru."

"All the same...there's the door." Prussia gestured towards it. "Don't let it hit your unawesome arse on the way out."

China's expression darkened. "I must speak to your brother, aru!" he snapped.

"Yeah," Prussia muttered, "good luck with that."

"What?"

"Nothing." He coughed and schooled his expression, trying to look sincere. "I think I saw West leave the building already. Why don't you get your unawesome self out of my presence, and go find him?"

China stared at him, looking suspicious. "Are you lying to me, aru?"

"Nope." Prussia crossed his fingers behind his back.

"...Well, why didn't you just say so, aru?" China's expression cleared. He headed off to the exit, and left the room.

Prussia's shoulders slumped in relief.

He stayed in the room for a few more moments. In reality, he didn't really want to leave and face all his problems. He'd love to just forget about his brother and America, and pretend it never happened...except, that probably wouldn't end very well.

Besides, if he never got his brother back to normal, who would he mooch off?

...

"...I always knew my brother was a big jerk," Germany grumbled, his shoulders slumped as he stared into the darkness.

Beside him, America let out a small sniffle, and didn't answer.

"I'm just glad I don't have to live with him," Germany continued. "I don't think I could take it. Then again...the people I live with aren't that much better..."

America glanced at him, and then flinched and looked away when he was greeted with nothing but darkness.

"...I mean, Hungary is very nice, but Austria makes you want to declare war on him every time he opens his mouth."

"He doesn't sound very nice," America mumbled, his eyes on the ground.

"No," Germany agreed, "he isn't very nice."

America played with a stray string on his smock, and didn't answer.

"I live with a very pretty girl named Italy though," Germany added, his voice brightening.

"Yes," America agreed, softly. "You mentioned her."

Germany glanced at him and raised one eyebrow. "You're so quiet," he complained. "You're nothing like my Italy. Italy's so _strange..._ but in a good way. You're strange too, but in a different way. Still good though...I wonder, are all girls this strange? Hungary is pretty weird too..."

"I'm not a girl," America muttered.

"But seriously - _why_ are you so quiet?" Germany looked expectant.

"...I'm not quiet," America said, at last. "Well, not usually. It's so _dark_ in here!"

"Oh, you're scared!" Germany's eyes widened in realization. "Well don't worry, I'll protect you! It's a man's job to protect a girl!"

"I'm not a girl!" Annoyance seeped into America's voice; if it hadn't been so dark, Germany would have been able to see the glare being directed towards him. "And anyway, you aren't a man! You're just a _boy!"_

"I am too a man!" Germany snapped. "And one day, I'm going to be the strongest nation in the world!"

"You can't be," America retorted. "The strongest nation is my big brother."

"Is not!" Germany retorted.

"Is _too!"_

"Well then," Germany snapped, "one day when I become the strongest nation in the world, I'll be better than your brother."

America shook his head, looking defiant. _"No one_ is better than England!"

"I'm going to be," Germany retorted. "And when I am...Austria won't be able to boss me around anymore! And Prussia won't be able to keep me away from my Italy!"

"Is you're brother ever going to let us out of here?" America mumbled.

At that moment, the door opened.

...

"Okay," Prussia said, as he led the two children into the hotel he was staying at. "This is where I'm staying at for the conference - you loser's can stay with me until I fix you up, if you promise to shut the hell up and hide in the bedroom."

Germany glanced around, his nose crinkled slightly.

"Where did your house go?" he asked. "Did you lose it?"

"I did not lose my house!" Prussia snapped and then frowned; well, okay, technically he _had,_ since it didn't exist anymore...

"Anyway, yeah," he continued, "I'm just staying here for a world conference. Don't ask me what that is - seriously don't. Ask me any questions and I'll lock you in a closet again."

"The world looks weird," America mumbled. "What happened to it?"

"That's a question!"

America flinched and lowered his eyes to the floor; Germany frowned at him.

"You're being quiet again!" he cried. "Stop being quiet! Be a brave girl!"

America's eyes snapped up, and his expression darkened. "I'm not a girl!" he cried.

"Would you losers shut up?" Prussia groaned. "No one can know about you! You have to stay in my room, alright? Make any noise, and you're doomed."

"I want to go to England," America said, frowning slightly; his lower lip trembled.

"Well, too bad" Prussia snapped. "England isn't here."

The three headed up to Prussia's room, receiving no obstacles along their journey. Prussia was relieved; once they reached the room, he all but shoved the children inside, and slammed the door behind him.

"Okay, this is where you're staying until I manage to make you...un-screwed-up." Prussia nodded his head. "Stay quiet, and this _might_ be a pleasant experience for us. Probably not though."

"But what about Italy?" Germany glared at his brother. "When can I be reunited with the love of my life?"

"How the _fuck_ did this guy ever leave to go to war?" Prussia muttered under his breath.

 


	3. Chapter 3

An hour had passed since he'd brought the children into his room, and Prussia was ready to stuff them back into a closet.

"...I really, really miss England," America moaned. "Why can't I stay with him instead?"

"I miss Italy," Germany sighed. "...I miss her radiance and beauty. I miss -"

"Would you  _both_ shut up?!" Prussia snarled. "I miss my awesome life before I got dumped with you losers - but you don't see  _me_ complaining!"

"...I think I need to pee."

"AHH!" Prussia hurled himself off his bed, and began to pace, his expression dark and frustrated. "I need a fucking break!"

America frowned and shuffled slightly. "...I really need to go," he mumbled. He glanced at Germany. "Could you please go with me?"

Germany blushed. "Of course not!" he cried. "I can't come with you, while you do... _that!"_

America frowned. "Why not?" he asked. "My big brother always helps me."

"Because..." Germany fumbled for words. "You're a...a  _girl!"_

"...No. I'm not."

There was a knock on the door; Prussia jumped, his expression quickly turning to one of panic.

"Quick!" he hissed. "Go...hide in the bathroom, or something!"

Neither children made any move to leave; both stared at him, blankly.

_"Hide!"_ Prussia snarled.

America's expression perked up slightly. "It's like that game England played with me once!" he cried. "Where one person hides, and then the other -"

Prussia grabbed ahold of America with one hand, held onto Germany with the other, and shoved them both into the open entrance of the bathroom.

"Stay in there and  _do not_ make a sound," he told them.

"Why should I listen to  _you?"_ Germany challenged. "You won't even let me go back to the love of my life!"

Ignoring him, Prussia slammed the door and walked away from it, his heart thudding in his chest.

_'Stay normal,'_ he thought.  _'No one is going to suspect that you completely fucked-up your brother and America...'_

He opened his bedroom door; standing on the other side were Spain and France.

"Guys!" Trying to keep is voice calm, Prussia smiled at his two best friends. "What the  _fuck_ are you doing here?"

Yeah...he needed to work on that.

Spain looked at him, oddly. "Are you alright, Prussia?" he asked. "You sound weird."

"I'm fine!"

"...Right." Spain shook his head, frowning slightly. "Anyway...the reason we're here...we were wondering if you wanted to come out for a drink?"

"A drink?" Prussia shook his head. "Nah, I can't..."

"I'm thirsty," he heard America mumble, from the bathroom.

France frowned, glancing into the room. "What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing!" Prussia said, quickly. "It was nothing!"

"No, I definitely heard something," France argued.

Prussia glared at his friend. "Yeah, well, remember what I said about those  _hallucinations?"_

"Prussia," France said. "I am not crazy."

Prussia snorted. "Yeah, that's what they all say."

"You seem really tense," Spain observed. "Are you sure you're alright? You know you could tell us if anything was wrong..."

"Yes," France agreed. "Of course we would not...tell anyone..."

He coughed.

"I think I hear France," Prussia heard America murmur.

France's face creased into a frown. "Now, I  _know_  I heard someone," he said.  _"And_ whoever they were, they sounded quite familiar."

"Of course they're familiar," Prussia snorted. "They came from you're mind."

"No," Spain argued. "I heard them too."

"That's Spain!" gasped Germany. "I met him once -"

"Would you idiots  _shut up!"_

Spain and France stared at Prussia, their eyes wide.

"Calm down," France said, slowly. "Honestly...and you call  _me_ crazy."

"I wasn't talking to -" Prussia stopped abruptly, and shook his head. "You know what...I think I will join you for that drink."

"Prussia," Spain said. "There's someone in your room."

"Nope," Prussia responded. "There isn't. Now let's go."

He pushed his friends out of the room and then, hesitating, he told them; "Give me a second, okay?"

He shut the door in their faces.

"Okay," he said, heading over to the bathroom, and opening the door. Inside, America and Germany were sitting on the floor, gazing at the door curiously. "I'm going out. You two...stay here. Don't break anything or you die. Understand?"

"Was that France?" America asked, curiously. "England hates him, but I don't mind him, even if he is a bit creepy."

"Yeah, well, France is great," Prussia replied, sounding slightly impatient. "Now, just -"

"My little brother Mattie lives with him," America said, smiling slightly. Then, he frowned. "At least, I think he does..."

"What do you mean?" Germany questioned. "How can you not know if your brother lives with him or not?"

"Well..." America hesitated for a moment. "...Sometimes I don't know if I really have a brother..."

_"What?"_ Germany looked bewildered.

America shrugged. "Well, sometimes he's there...and sometimes he's not."

Germany shook his head. "You're one weird girl."

"I'm not a -"

"Alright, you two can continue your conversation when I'm gone," Prussia interrupted.  _"Stay here,_ alright?  _Do not_ leave this room."

"What if my Italy calls for me?" Germany pressed. "Then what?"

"Trust me, he won't," Prussia replied. "Now -"

"He?" Germany frowned. "Who is this 'he' you are talking of?"

"...Italy?" Prussia looked confused.

"My Italy isn't a 'he'!" Germany's eyes widened, comically. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world - no offense of course, America."

"I'm not offended," America replied, sounding annoyed. "Because, I'm not -"

"Just stay here," Prussia snapped. "I'll be back...eventually."

Stepping out of the bathroom, he headed for the bedroom door, and stepped outside.

"Okay, guys," he told Spain and France. "Let's get going."

After hesitating for a moment, he turned around, and quickly locked the door from the outside.

"Why lock the door from the outside?" France snorted. "Anyone could get in if they felt like it."

"Why does this place even  _have_ doors that lock from the outside?" Spain asked, shaking his head. "It's ridiculous."

"We should totally go around and lock a bunch of loser's into their rooms," Prussia said, using this suggestion as a way to distract his friends. "It would be  _awesome."_

As he and his friends walked away from the room, Prussia could only hope that a locked door would be enough to stop his brother and America from escaping.

...

"So, your brother left," America mumbled, staring at the door. "...Again."

"Prussia is a jerk," Germany responded.

"...He locked us in."

"Yes," Germany agreed. "He did."

America let out a loud sigh and sank to the floor. He stared mournfully at the door, his eyes wide.

Germany sat down next to him, and smiled at him.

"Cheer up," he said. "It isn't so bad. Prussia will be back..."

"I don't want Prussia to be back," America retorted. "I want to go home, to England!"

Germany patted him comfortingly on the arm. "It'll be alright," he said. "You'll get back to your brother, and I'll get back to the light of my life. Things will work out for the best."

"I should have gone with France," America said, swallowing heavily. "France knows England. He would have taken me back...or maybe I could have gone home with him, and me and Mattie could have played together until England came to pick me up!"

"I thought you said your brother wasn't real," Germany retorted.

"...Well, sometimes he is." America thought for a moment. "...You could have come too. That way, if Mattie didn't want to let us see him today, you and me could have played!"

Germany blushed and shook his head. "I can't play with a girl," he replied. "Things would get too rough."

America let out a loud sigh of frustration. "Why do you keep calling me a  _girl?"_ he asked. "I'm not!"

"Why are you in denial?" Germany asked, frowning.

America lowered his eyes to the floor and stared at it for a few moments, his eyes unblinking.

"Are you alright?" Germany asked. "You look sad."

"I just miss England," America sighed, chewing on his lip. "I really, really miss him."

"You shouldn't need your brother so much!" Germany looked at him, firmly. "You should learn to look after yourself!"

"I  _can_ look after myself!" America protested. "I just miss my brother! Besides, you don't stop talking about  _Italy!"_

"That's different!" Germany looked embarrassed. "Italy...she is the girl I will marry some day!"

America opened his mouth to retort, and then frowned. "...What's marry?"

"Marry...it's..." Germany looked unsure for a moment. "...Well it means you can live together. And sleep in the same bed." He nodded his head. "I know, because Hungary and Austria are married."

"Does that mean I'm married to England?" America questioned. "I live with him...and sometimes, when its thundering, he let's me sleep in his bed."

"No," Germany responded, after a brief pause. "I don't think it works if you're related to the person."

"You're making that up!" America retorted, angrily. "You just don't want me to talk about England anymore!"

"I'm not -" Germany stopped and frowned. "Are you...crying?"

"No!" America wiped furiously at his eyes. "I'm not crying! Only babies cry!"

"You're crying!" Germany looked horrified. "Stop! I...I don't like it when girls cry! It's  _weird."_

America sniffled and shook his head. "I'm not crying!"

Germany squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm not looking!"

America turned away and let out a choked sob. "I want to leave!" he said, angrily. "I want to go back home! I miss my brother! I want to go home!"

"...Maybe you could leave?" Germany opened his eyes, hesitantly. "Maybe...we could both leave? Prussia won't be coming back for a while..."

"He locked the door," America responded, his voice shaky. "We're stuck!"

"No...there was a window in the bathroom." Germany perked up. "We could leave through there!"

"It's too high!" America shook his head. "I can't climb through that. England would be  _so_ mad!"

"He'll be so happy that he won't remember to be mad," Germany responded. Now that he'd suggested the idea, he seemed excited by it. "Come on, let's do it! I'll be able to find my Italy again!"

America still looked unsure. "...Are you sure England won't be mad?"

"He won't," Germany assured him. "And if he is, I'll protect you."

America looked indignant at this. "I don't need protection from my big brother!"

"I'm a boy; it's my job to protect you," Germany argued. "Now, let's go! Before my brother gets back!"

America thought for a moment; he then nodded and quickly got to his feet.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, guys, how have your lives been lately?" Prussia leaned back in his chair and smiled lazily at his two friends. "Full of awesomeness, I hope?"

France and Spain just stared at him.

"...You're being pretty unawesome right now." Prussia's eyes narrowed. "Stop staring at me, it's creepy."

"I think someone was in your room," Spain told him. "I know I heard people talking - and France heard them too. So don't say I'm crazy."

"You're mistaken," Prussia responded. "And France  _is_  crazy."

France scowled at him. "I am not crazy - I really did hear people talking. They sounded very familiar."

"When you hear voices all your life, of course they would be familiar."

_"Prussia!"_ France snapped.

Prussia sighed and slumped back in his chair. He eyed his now empty glass longingly, wishing that it was once again filled with that familiar amber liquid.

"What do you want me to tell you guys?" he asked. "There wasn't anyone in my room. End of story."

"I think you're hiding something," Spain replied, his eyes narrowed.

"Yes," France agreed. "It is slightly insulting - we are your best friends. Surely you would trust us enough to tell us if you were hiding...say...a well-adorned stripper in your bedroom?"

Prussia's mind was immediately infiltrated with images of his brother and America, and he gagged.

"I'm not hiding a fucking stripper in my room!" he snapped. "Why the  _fuck_ would I be hiding a stripper in my room?!"

His two friends stared at him, open-mouthed.

"Wow," Spain managed. "That's quite a...strong reaction."

Prussia's shoulders slumped. "You guys are being losers right now."

"Prussia..." France smiled at him. "We are your friends. You can trust us."

Prussia chewed on his lip for a moment. "If something was wrong," he said, after a brief pause, "and I told you...would you really keep it a secret?"

"Of course," France and Spain responded, simultaneously.

"And you wouldn't tell anyone?"

France smiled. "As they say, my lips - and what plump, luscious lips they are - are zipped."

"People used to call me Spain of Secrets," Spain replied, nodding his head.

"Uh..." Prussia coughed. "I'm sorry... _who_ called you that?"

"Oh you know..." Spain waved one hand, looking awkward. "People."

"I do not know if these 'people' exist," France murmured. Prussia simply nodded his head.

"Yeah..." He hesitated for a moment. "So...if there was someone in my bedroom - not saying there was, of course - but, well..."

His voice trailed off; he stared at France.

"What are you doing?"

France glanced up, his hand posed above the notepad he had been prepared to write upon.

"Oh, go on," he said. "I'm just writing notes."

Prussia continued stared at him. "...Why?"

"Oh...well...you know." France avoided his eyes for a moment. "Some of it might be...useful."

"...Yeah, okay, there's no one in my room." Prussia turned away from his friends.

"France!" Spain snapped, glaring at his friends. "Great work!"

"Well, what was I supposed to do?!" France said, defensively. "Who knows what he might have said? Even the smallest details could equal some  _tré magnifique_ blackmail material."

Ignoring his friend, Prussia waved a nearby bartender over.

"Give me the strongest alcohol you have," he said. "About...five glasses of it."

...

"Italy has the prettiest eyes," Germany sighed, smiling dreamily as he walked. America hurried along behind him, trying his best to keep up.

"Oh really?" he asked. "What colour are they?"

"...Well," Germany coughed, "I haven't actually  _seen_ them...Italy never opens her eyes. But, of course they would be beautiful. Italy is an angel on earth."

"You talk all weird," America told him, crinkling his nose slightly. "What does 'angel on earth' mean?"

"It's a nice way to say someone is very pretty!"

America raised one eyebrow. "Well...why can't you just say that?"

Germany shrugged. "It...it's just nicer, alright!"

"...Alright," America said, after a brief pause.

"So, where do you think your brother would be?" Germany gazed questioningly at America. The other nation simply shrugged in response.

"I don't know."

"Well, you must have some idea," Germany argued. "Where would he usually be?"

America thought for a moment. "At home."

"Well," Germany prompted, "where is home?"

"...In England?" America's response was phrased more as a question than a proper answer.

Germany sighed. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Well," America said, defensively, "I've never needed to know. England's always been there for me."

Germany thought for a moment. "Maybe we should just walk around, then."

"Okay," America agreed, "maybe my brother will be here somewhere! Or maybe I can find France, and he can take me home."

"You don't want to find France," Germany replied, shaking his head. "Prussia is probably still with him. He'd just take us back to the room - and then I'd never find my angel."

America frowned. "Do you think your brother will be very mad that we left?"

Germany rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Why do you care what my brother thinks?" he asked. "My brother is an idiot."

"Yes, but..." America chewed on his lip. "What if he gets really mad?"

Germany stared at him. "You aren't  _afraid_ of him, are you?"

America avoided his eyes.

"Don't be afraid of  _Prussia!"_ Germany's voice was firm. "He's just...well, he's Prussia. What can he do?"

"He might lock us in a closet again," America mumbled.

Germany shot him a supportive look. "I'll protect you if he tries," he promised.

America didn't look too pleased at this; his eyes narrowed. "Stop saying that!" he complained. "I don't need protection - I'm the hero, not you!"

"I'm a man," Germany argued. "That makes me the hero."

"You aren't a man!" America's jaw clenched. "You're a  _little boy -_ just like me! So we're equals."

Germany looked incredulous. "Why are you calling yourself a  _boy?!"_ he demanded. "That's just weird!"

America glared. "Because it's what I  _am!"_

He stared at Germany for a moment, waiting for the other nation to respond - he didn't. Instead, he seemed to be staring of into space, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"...Are you even listening?"

"What?" Germany blinked. "Oh yes...I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my one true love."

America sighed. "Italy?"

Germany nodded. "That is what I said."

America sighed again.

"Do you know she has the voice of an angel?" Germany smiled, wistfully.

"Yeah..." America tried to hide his annoyance; he was getting tired of listening to rants about Italy. He tried to find something else to speak about instead.

"I just realized," he said, after a brief pause. "I don't even know your name! What is it?"

"I'm the Holy Roman Empire," Germany responded, sounding proud.

America stared at him.

Germany frowned slightly. "What?"

"That...is a very long name." America cocked his head to the side, looking thoughtful. "What was it? Moley Mormon Pepper?" He frowned. "It's so  _strange."_

"Holy Roman Empire!" Germany sounded insulted.

"...Can I give you a nickname?" America stared at him, looking hopeful.

"Alright, fine," Germany sighed. "But you can't call me Holy Roma - that's what my Italy calls me. Only she can." He nodded his head.

"Alright then..." America frowned for a moment, looking thoughtful; a moment later, his expression lit up.

"I know!" he exclaimed, brightly. "What about, Ho?"

"...Ho?"

"Yeah!" America nodded. "Short for Holy!"

Germany thought for a moment. "Alright," he said, at last.

America beamed.

"So," Germany said. He and America continued to walk, side-by-side, through the lobby of the hotel. "What's your name?"

America smiled. "I'm America."

"That's a very pretty name," Germany told America, nodding his head. "A pretty name for a pretty girl."

America's smile faded.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Germany asked him, as they reached a tall staircase.

America opened his mouth to respond; before he could, a flash of blond caught his attention, from the corner of his eye.

"America? Come on." Germany headed for the staircase, making no move to check whether or not he was being followed.

"Wait!" America called after him. "Ho! I think I saw something!"

Germany continued to walk, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't being followed.

America let out a frustrated sigh and took a step forward. Then, glancing behind him, he couldn't help but wonder about the flash of blonde he had seen. England had blonde hair; could it have possibly be him?

Hesitating for a moment, America finally made up his mind; with a nervous glance at Germany's retreating figure, he hurried off in the opposite direction.

"England?" he said, as he rounded a corner. "England, is that you? It's me, America -"

He stopped, abruptly.

The figure standing a moderate distance away from him certainly wasn't England; in fact, other than the blonde hair (which wasn't even the same length or shade) the two shared nothing in common.

The stranger turned around; America took a step back and lowered his eyes to the floor, nervously.

"Um like, sorry but, who are you and why are you talking to me - oh my god! Like,  _AHH!"_

America jumped as the stranger let out a squealing shriek.

"Sorry," he said, fiddling with his hands. "I thought you were someone else..." He swallowed and his lower lip trembled slightly.

"You...you..." The stranger seemed to be struggling for words. In the end, he settled for a simple,  _"AHH!"_

"I...I have to go find Ho now," America said, quickly. His head snapped to the other end of the corridor, and he readied himself to walk off; then, he hesitated.

He turned back to the stranger. "Excuse me, Mister," he said.

"Like, oh my god," squealed the stranger. "You are like, the most  _cutest squeal-worthy thing EVER!_ Like, oh my god, I want to keep you!"

America shuffled, looking nervous. "Um...have you by any chance seen my big brother?" he asked.

"Ahh!" The stranger took a few steps forward; America took a few steps back. "Oh my god, this is like, so adorable! Like, oh my god, I could just like, lock you in a glass case and stare at you for like,  _EVER!"_

"...Please don't." America stared at him with wide eyes.

"Like, oh my  _god!"_ gasped the stranger. "Your  _EYES!"_

"...Have you seen England?"

"Ahh! So cute!" The stranger clapped his hands, looking gleeful. "I've like, got to tell Liet - you just like, stay where you are, you understand, you adorable little munchkin?!"

America shook his head and took a step backwards. "I have to find my big brother," he said.

"Like, oh my  _god,_ why can't there be more of you in the world?" With one last gleeful glance, the stranger hurried off in the other direction. "Like, don't move until I get Liet, alright?"

America hurried off in the other direction.

"There you are!" He jumped and spun around; his posture relaxed when he saw that it was only Germany.

"Why didn't you follow me?" Germany demanded.

"I thought I saw England," America replied.

Germany looked curious at this. "Well?" he prompted. "Was it him?"

"No." America shuddered slightly. "It wasn't."

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Prussia should have known something was wrong as soon as he stepped into the room. It was much too quiet. Had Germany and America still been in the room, the area probably would have been filled with loud sobs, and cries of, "ITALY MY LOVE!"

There were no sobs; there were no cries.

It was completely silent.

If Prussia wasn't completely and utterly drunk of his arse, he might have realized that something was wrong. However, he was - and, so, he didn't make the connection.

"You kids are good, right?" he slurred, to the empty room. Of course, he received no answer.

"Great to hear." Staggering to his bed, Prussia struggled out of his shoes and threw himself onto the soft mattress.

"Ahh," he sighed, closing his eyes and smiling. Yes, that was nice; he'd spend most of the night drinking glass after glass of alcohol, and trying to block out the questions that Spain and France had been spewing at him.

"If you kid's need anything," he called, to the empty room, "don't wake me up."

He went to sleep, oblivious to the fact that he was the only one in the room.

...

"I think we're lost," America murmured, his eyes wide as he looked around. Germany, who was slumped against a nearby wall, nodded his head in response.

"I know," he moaned. "At this rate, I'll never find my love."

"It's  _dark,"_ America complained. "And scary...maybe we shouldn't have left the room...do you know how to get back?"

Germany turned to stare at him, his eyes wide. "We can't go back!" he cried, almost angrily. "Prussia would never let us out again! What would happen then?"

"But..." America's lip trembled slightly. "We're lost!"

Germany peeled himself away from the wall and walked over to America.

"It's okay," he told him. "I know it's dark but...we can't give up now. You have to find your brother, and I have to find my love, alright?"

After hesitating for a moment, America nodded his head.

Germany's expression immediately brightened. "Great!" he said. "Now, let's keep going, okay?"

He started to head down the corridor; America followed, close behind.

"I think it's nighttime," America told him.

"Yes," Germany agreed.

"...You know," America said, after a brief pause, "if England knew where I was, he'd come and find me."

"It's nice that your brother cares so much," Germany told him.  _"My_ brother is an idiot."

America frowned slightly. "Is he all you have?"

"No," Germany responded. "I have Hungary and Austria too - they're the people that I live with. Hungary is very nice, but Austria is a massive jerk."

"Oh." America's frown deepened.

"It's alright," Germany assured him. "I have my Italy, so it isn't so bad. Besides, one day, when I become the strongest nation in the world, I'll declare war on Austria." He smiled. "That will be fun."

"You know," America said, after a brief moment of hesitation. "You and Italy could come and live with me and my big brother."

"That would be fun," Germany agreed, beaming widely. "I always wanted a sister!"

"...I'm not a girl."

"You know," Germany said, ignoring America's statement. "Maybe it is getting late..."

America frowned. "So you want to go back?"

"No!" Germany shook his head, rapidly. "I just think, maybe we should keep looking in the morning. I'm getting really tired...and if I go to sleep, who will protect you from all the monsters lurking around?"

America's eyes widened. "What monsters?!"

"Oh you know..." Germany thought for a moment. "There's a lot of them all over the place. Like for example, sometimes I hear loud noises and moans coming from Austria and Hungary's room, and Austria tells me that they're from the monsters that hide under the bed."

"The monsters that hide under the bed?" America frowned. "But I've never heard anything from  _England's_ room."

"Well, I think they only go after girls," Germany replied. "That's why Hungary always screams out Austria's name...because she wants him to protect her."

"Well, we should be fine then."

"You're here," Germany pointed out.

America sighed, loudly. "Yes, but -"

Germany cut him off. "You know," he said, "sometimes Austria calls out Hungary's name too. I think its just because he's a sissy though - he probably wants Hungary to hit the monsters on the head with her frying pan."

"But what about Italy, then?" America asked. "Who protects her?"

"Well..." Germany froze, looking startled. "I never...I never thought of that."

"So...Italy's all alone?" America frowned. "The monsters could get her?"

"I never knew!" Germany looked horrified. "Oh god, my poor Italy. I have to find her and protect her!"

"In the morning," America responded. "We have to find a room remember?"

"But -"

"She's been fine for now," America pointed out. "The monsters never hurt her before."

"Yes..." Germany hesitated for a moment; then he beamed. "I suppose they were so stunned by her radiance and beauty! I mean, who could possibly hurt an angel like her?"

"Yes, sure." America took a few steps forward. "Let's go find a room now, okay?"

...

Prussia sat up briefly, blinked a few times, and looked around. For some reason, he had the strangest feeling that something was wrong...

...He also had a killer headache. Shrugging of his worries, he lay back in bed, and went back to sleep.

...

"Here's a room," Germany said, walking towards a nearby door. America followed close behind, his legs moving fast as he struggled to keep up.

"Do you think it's okay to go inside?" he asked. "Usually England makes me ask before I stay in his room."

"Your brother isn't here," Germany responded, reaching for the door handle. "You should enjoy your new freedom!"

"But..." America's lip trembled slightly. "I don't want freedom! I want England!"

The door swung open; smiling, Germany stepped into the room. America, after a moment of hesitation, followed him inside.

"You'll have England soon," Germany told him. "We'll find him, and my Italy, tomorrow."

The room was dark; the two children glanced around.

"I...I think I see a bed over there," Germany said, squinting slightly. "At least I  _think_ it's a bed..."

America, who had been standing still and fiddling with his hands, looked up.

"It looks  _big!"_ he exclaimed, a smile spreading across his face. "Like England's bed!"

"You can sleep on it, if you like," Germany said. "Since your the girl and all - I'm supposed to be a gentleman and offer it to you."

"Do you think they'll be angry?" America, despite being annoyed about Germany's reference to him as a girl, decided not to question the offer.

"Who?" Germany looked confused.

"The owner of this room!"

"Um..." Germany thought for a moment. "Well...I don't  _think_ so. I mean, if they weren't protecting their territory, then they deserve to have it stolen from them!"

"But that doesn't sound very nice," America argued, frowning slightly. "I don't want to take anyone's stuff from them."

"You have to," Germany retorted. "How else will you become a stronger nation?"

"I don't want to." America narrowed his eyes, looking firm.

Germany sighed and thought for a moment. "Okay," he said, at last. "How about  _I_ take the stuff for you?"

America chewed on his lip, looking unsure.

"Alright," he said, at last.

Germany headed over to the bed, stood in front of it for a second, and then reached out to tap the mattress with the tips of his fingers.

"There," he said, beaming broadly. "It's all yours!"

America trotted up to the bed and gazed at it with wide, curious eyes.

"So now," he said, "no one will get mad at  _me_ for taking their stuff?"

"That's right," Germany agreed. "Because I took it for you. See - I'm a true gentleman!"

"So am I," America mumbled.

Germany sat down on the floor, curling himself into a tight ball. America stood still, staring at him for a few moments.

"Don't you won't to sleep on the bed, too?"

"I can't do that!" Germany looked disbelieving. "That'd just be weird!"

America frowned. "Why?"

"I can only sleep with a girl if I'm  _married_ to her!" Germany looked horrified.

America let out a loud sigh and climbed into the bed. He lay down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling for a moment. He swallowed, heavily.

"This bed feels weird," he mumbled. "I miss mine."

There was no response.

"Ho?" He glanced down; Germany was snoring, fast asleep.

Letting out a small sigh, America turned around and tried to get himself into a more comfortable position. He reached out to fix the blankets that surrounded him; he jumped as his hand brushed against something.

Swallowing heavily, he squinted through the darkness, trying to properly see what was in front of him.

...Was that a  _person?!_

"Ho!" America's voice took on an urgent tone. "There's someone in the bed!"

There was no response.

"Ho!"

Germany let out a loud snore. America curled into himself, feeling uncomfortable and scared.

"Excuse me, mister," he whispered, into the darkness. "I'm sorry - Ho said it was okay, because he made the bed mine -"

There was no response.

America stared up at the ceiling, unsure of what to do. Should he get up and leave? Would the other person be mad that he had fallen asleep on their bed?

He yawned and blinked, feeling exhausted. He'd had a long day...and he  _still_ hadn't found England. Lying on this bed just made him think of all the times that England had allowed him to to sleep with him, when he was afraid, or when it was thundering...

Maybe a quick nap wouldn't hurt.

"I miss you, big brother," he mumbled, as his eyes slipped shut.

...

Prussia blinked and sat up. A moment later, he let out a loud moan.

"Oh  _fuck,"_ he groaned. "Last fucking time I ever drink -"

A moment later he remembered the newly de-aged nations.

"...Or maybe a few more drinks wouldn't hurt..."

Climbing out of bed - and wincing as his head throbbed with agony - he looked around the room.

"Hey, you losers!" he called out. "Where are you?"

There was no response.

"West!"

Still no response.

"America?!"

Silence. Absolute and utter silence.

"...No fucking way." Prussia staggered away from his bed, looking wildly around the room. Empty. The entire room was  _empty._

"WHERE THE  _FUCK_ ARE YOU LOSER'S?!" he howled.

He staggered into the bathroom, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. His eyes roamed the room, wide and panicked.

Almost immediately he caught sight of the open window, a few feet away from him.

"... _FUCK!"_

...

When Poland woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was  _not_ the person lying next to him on the bed.

No...the first thing he noticed was the fact that he was covered in urine.

"Like,  _oh my god!"_ he screeched. "There's  _pee_ on me!"

The next thing he noticed was the person.

"Oh my god, you like, peed all over me! Like, totally not squeal-worthy!"

America sat up, blinking dazedly. He stared up at Poland for a moment, and then his eyes widened.

"You're that person from yesterday!" he exclaimed.

"What's going on?" Germany's head popped into sight. "Oh...hello," he said, when he caught sight of Poland. "This bed isn't yours anymore."

"Ho made it mine," America said, ducking his head slightly.

"Like, oh my god, I knew you were too cute to be real," Poland wailed. "Serves me right for being blind-sighted by your squeal-worthy adorableness!"


	6. Chapter 6

Fuck, fuck,  _fuck._

This simple mantra ran repeatedly through Prussia's mind as he sprinted down the corridor. Dammit...he should have  _known_ better than to trust those two brats. He should have  _known..._

He'd told them to stay in the room; how hard was that to do? It was a simple set of instructions was fuck's sake! Even two idiotic, snot-nosed kids could follow them.

Prussia's run came to an abrupt halt as he reached his destination. He stood still for a moment, staring at the door in front of him, dreading what he would find on the other side.

With a deep breath, he opened the door and barged into the room.

"What the bloody hell?!" Sitting on his bed, England's head snapped up in alarm. His eyes widened when he caught sight of Prussia.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" he demanded.

"I...uh..." Prussia hesitated. "...Have you seen anything weird lately?"

_'Please say no...please say no...'_

England stared at him as if he had three heads.

"What the bloody hell are you on about?" His eyes narrowed. "Please tell me you didn't just barge into my room to tell me  _that."_

"So you haven't seen anything weird?" Hope soared within Prussia; so the two brats  _hadn't_ immediately come here.

"Nothing other than the usual insanity," England responded. "Why?"

Prussia coughed. "No reason."

England opened his mouth to say something and then, changing his mind, closed it.

Prussia stared at him for a moment.

"...Are you going to leave?" England's eyes narrowed.

"Huh?" Prussia blinked. "Oh yeah...I should probably go and check in Italy's room..."

"Check what?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh haha." Prussia took a step backwards, trying to hide his unease. "Would you look at the time! Well, I better get going. My awesome presence is needed elsewhere."

"Prussia!" England climbed of the bed and took a few steps forward. "You better not be up to anything..."

"Me? Why would I be up to anything? I'm much to awesome to be up to anything!" Prussia swallowed heavily. "Uh...by the way, you haven't been...er...thinking about America lately, have you?"

"I... _what?"_ England stared at him.  _"America?"_

"Yeah." Prussia nodded. "You know...blonde hair, blue eyes, short...I mean  _tall!_ Really, really tall." He let out a nervous laugh.

"...No."

"Well then." Prussia took a few more steps backwards, until he was fully out of the room. "I guess everything is good then. I mean, not that it was ever...not good."

England stared at him for a moment.

"Prussia," he said at last.

"Yes?"

"That Git hasn't done anything, has he?"

Prussia immediately shook his head. "Of course not! Why would you think that?"

England hesitated for a moment, and then shook his head.

"Just stay the bloody hell out of my room," he told him, before slamming the door in his face. Prussia stood still for a few moments, staring ahead of him.

So; the brats hadn't come to England's room. That was good...of course, he'd have to check up on Italy too.

As he headed to the other nation's room, his mind fled to thoughts of Hungary and Austria. After all, West had been living with them back when he'd been the Holy Roman Empire. Was it possible that he, along with America, had gone looking for them?

He shook his head; it was way too much trouble looking into all this. If worse came to worse, he could always make those two...disappear.

...

"Oh my god like,  _ahh!_ I like, loved these pajama's. They were like, my total favourites in the entire world. Like,  _ahh,_ this is so tragic!"

"Why is he still screaming?" America whispered, his brow creasing slightly.

"I don't know," Germany responded. His eyes were narrowed, and a thoughtful look was present on his face.

"Ho?" America stared at him, questioningly.

Germany glanced at him. "I think I know him," he murmured. "He looks...familiar..."

"Like, I totally should have never thought you were like, a perfect little angel." Poland looked seconds away from bursting into tears. "I bet that was like, your little way of like, tricking me. Totally  _not_ cool."

"Excuse me," America interrupted. "Ho says he knows you."

Poland's distressed expression faltered for a moment.

"Like, oh my god," he gushed. "Your name's  _Ho._ That's like, totally  _squeal-worthy!"_

A few moment's later his expression once again darkened. "I like, can't allow you to like, blindsight me with your adorableness."

America cocked his head to the side. "I don't understand," he said. "Are you angry about the bed?"

"Like...like..." Poland's expression crumbled. "Why do you like, have to be so  _cute?!_ It's like, so hard to hate you!"

"...Because Ho made it mine, so I thought it would be okay. You can have it back though, because I'll be going back to my big brother soon..."

"I know you," Germany said, to Poland. "I'm  _sure_ of it."

"I like, am  _not_ falling for your tricks," Poland snapped. "I like, know what you're trying to do -"

His voice cut off. For a few moments, he stared at Germany, his eyes wide. When he finally spoke, his voice trembled.

"Holy Roman Empire?"

Germany's eyebrow raised. "Yes?"

"Like...like..." Poland's mouth opened and shut, making him resemble a fish. "This is like..."

"You can call him Ho if you like," America told him. "But not Holy Roma because he says only Italy is allowed to call him that."

"Like, this is not right..." Poland's eyes rolled back and he collapsed to the ground.

America and Germany stared at his prone body for a few moments.

"Hey!" Germany suddenly cried. "I know who he is! He's Poland!" He shook his head, looking amused. "I always thought he was a bit weird..."

...

"Okay, so the brats didn't go to Italy's room..." Prussia's shoulders slumped in relief. "That means...well...they could be anywhere right now..."

He stopped at his bedroom door and hesitated for a moment; he could go inside and get some much needed rest (he had a hangover, goddammit!) or he could continue his search.

It didn't take much contemplation; a moment later he opened the door and stepped inside.

"...What the  _fuck?!"_

Well, he hadn't been expecting that.

Sitting on his bed were three figures; Poland (dammit, why did that loser have to be in his room?!)...and of course, the two snot-nosed brats.

Well...that had been easy.

"I've been looking for you fuckers!" he cried, fury in his voice. "What the fuck is  _wrong_ with you losers?! I told you to stay in the room!"

"I wanted my big brother," America replied, his lower lip trembling slightly. "I missed him."

"I wanted the love of my life!" Unsurprisingly, that had come from Germany.

"Prussia," Poland said, his voice shaking. "Why is Holy Roman Empire back from...you know where..."

"No I don't know where," Prussia snapped. "Why the fuck are you in my room, loser?"

"I mean like,  _down there."_ Poland, his eyes wide, pointed at the floor.

"...You mean his grave?"

His eyes widening further, Poland nodded his head.

"I was like, having a great day and then like, I woke up and  _he'd peed on me!"_ He pointed an accusing finger at America. "And then they were like, talking and I realized that I like,  _knew him!"_ He jabbed a finger in Germany's direction. "And then I like, had a little panic attack and when that was like, done, I actually started paying attention to what they were like, saying and they kept mentioning you so like, I figured you'd know what was going on."

"Why does he say 'like' so much?" America whispered to Germany.

Prussia stared at Poland for a few moments, his eyes narrowed.

"If I told you to fuck off - would you listen?"

"I'm like, covered in pee," Poland snapped. "I think I like, deserve an explanation."

...

"So he's like... _not_ back from beyond the grave?" Poland looked like he didn't know whether to look relieved or not.

"Nope," Prussia responded. "He's just Germany."

Poland settled back onto the bed and shook his head, looking disbelieving.

"I can't believe it," he said. "How come I like, never knew that Germany was like, the Holy Roman Empire?"

"No one knows," Prussia replied. "Only me, and that's because I'm awesome."

"I don't know who Germany is," Germany interrupted, "but he isn't the Holy Roman Empire.  _I am!"_

"Shut up, brat," Prussia told him.

"I don't really understand what you're saying," America said, quietly, "but why do you keep saying that Ho is dead? He's not dead!"

Prussia's brow furrowed. "Who the fuck is Ho?"

"He's Ho." Poland jabbed a finger in Germany's direction.

"...That's slightly disturbing." Prussia shook his head, grimacing slightly.

"So you like, turned America and Germany into like, totally squeal-worthy kids." Poland thought for a moment. "What are you like, going to do about it? I mean, someone will like, notice eventually."

"I'll fix things," Prussia responded, firmly. "I'll just...look through that book of England's to find out how."

America's head jerked up at the mention of his brother.

"England?" America's voice sounded eager. "Are we going to see him?"

"No," Prussia snapped. "We aren't."

America lowered his eyes to the floor, his lower lip trembling slightly. Poland frowned as he watched him.

"He like, looks so sad," he complained. "It isn't cool - he's like, too adorable to be sad. Someone like, make him happy!"

"Shut up you loser," Prussia groaned. "He isn't going to see England.  _Fuck_ why did this have to happen to me?"

America sniffled slightly and fiddled with his hands, avoiding the eyes of everyone in the room.

Germany frowned. "Stop making girls cry!"

Poland stared at him. "But America's like, a guy."

"Aww, dammit!" Storming up to America, Prussia glared down at him, viciously. "Stop crying you brat!"

"Prussia!" Poland looked taken a back. "You can't like, handle kids that way! Here like, let me!"

He walked swiftly up to America and bent down, wrapping his arms tightly around the child. He picked him up and cooed softly.

He blinked suddenly as a thought occurred to him. "...Don't like, pee on me again, okay?"

America glared at him and struggled against him, making small noises of protest.

"I'm not a baby!" he cried. "Let me go!"

"Oh yeah." Prussia rolled his eyes. "Great work, loser."

"Hey like, I'm way better than you are!" Poland snapped. "Look - I'm like, totally getting this right!"

Prussia snorted. "I don't think you're supposed to be swinging him around like that."

"Like, I know what I'm doing," Poland retorted, ignoring America's wails of protest. "I like, saw it in this movie once - it's like, totally relaxing and -"

America vomited.

There was an awkward pause.

"You fiend!" Germany roared, his expression darkening. "Let go of her!"

"Like...like..." Poland's eyes were as wide as tennis balls. His jaw hung open. "Like...like... _AHHH! HE LIKE, THREW UP ON ME! OH MY GOD HE THREW UP ON ME!"_

With a hysterical cry he flung America with all his might.

"...WHAT THE HELL?!" Prussia's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Like,  _my shirt!"_ Poland stared down at himself in horror. "He like,  _ruined_ my shirt!"

"Fuck your shirt!" Prussia looked horrified. "You just  _threw_ the brat at a wall!"

"She bounced off," Germany told them, looking surprised.

"What?" Prussia glanced over at where America  _should_ have been lying on the floor, moaning in pain. Instead, the child looked completely unharmed.

"I don't like him," America mumbled, glaring at Poland.

"Like, my shirt is ruined," Poland continued to wail. "This is like, seriously the last time I like, trust those brats!"

"...Why is my life so fucked?" Prussia moaned.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Around half an hour later, when he had finally ceased his hysterical screaming, Poland made a run for the door.

"Hey!" Prussia yelled, hurling himself after him. America and Germany looked on with wide eyes.

Poland made it a few inches away from the door before Prussia tackled him to the floor. He let out a loud shriek of protest.

"Aw, fuck!" Prussia groaned, climbing off. He glanced down at himself, his face crumpling in disgust when he caught sight of the vomit that had been transferred from Poland onto himself.

"Now you like, understand my woes," Poland moaned, glancing up from his position on the floor.

"Oh shut up, loser," Prussia snapped, angrily.

"I have to like, leave." Poland's voice was filled with distress. "I can't like, stay here. This is  _way_ to crazy for me to like, deal with."

"You aren't leaving." Prussia glared at him, viciously. "Now that you know about  _them,_ there's no way out."

"No!" Poland's eyes widened in horror. "I can't do this! This is like,  _so_ not squeal-worthy! I'm like, too young for parenthood!"

"But I don't want them to be my parents," America whispered, as he looked on at the scene with wide eyes. "I...I want my big brother back."

Germany shot him a sympathetic look, and wrapped an arm around him, comfortingly.

"You fiends," he called out to Poland and Prussia. "Stop making girls upset - it's not nice."

Prussia shot him an irritated glare "Oh shut up, loser."

"I can't do this!" Poland moaned. "They're like, total menaces. America already like, ruined my favourite pair of pajamas! I like, can't survive like this!"

"Well you're going to have to," Prussia snapped, "because you aren't getting out any time soon."

_"No!"_ Poland's scream of distress echoed throughout the room.

"Take me to my one true love!" Germany demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Maybe we should duck tape his mouth," Prussia muttered. Beside him, Poland continued to wail with distress.

...

Once things had calmed down (a feat that took quite a bit of time to actually happen) and once Poland and Prussia had cleaned themselves up (amidst cries of "fucking losers!" and "this is like, the worst day  _ever!"_ ) they sat down, staring at the children in front of them.

"...We need help."

Poland glanced at Prussia and raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Like, what makes you say that?" He shot a brief glance at Germany and America and shuddered slightly. "Can't we just like, lock them in a closet and leave?"

"Already tried that," Prussia responded. "Unfortunately, it didn't work."

"Well we can't like, do this on our own." Poland chewed on his lip. "I mean...we like, don't know the first thing about parenting."

Prussia snorted.  _"You_ may not but that brat -" He jerked a finger in Germany's direction. " - Is my brother. I've gone through this stage."

"You like, locked him in a closet," Poland pointed out. "You couldn't have like, been that great."

Prussia glared at him.

"So, who is he?" America murmured, shooting a glance in Poland's direction.

"I told you," Germany responded. "He's Poland. His country is really close to mine so I've met him a few times. He's really weird."

"He threw me at a wall." America lowered his eyes and frowned slightly.

"Don't take it personally," Germany replied, placing a comforting hand on the other nation's shoulder. "I'm sure he would have done it to anyone."

"Hey Ho?"

"Yes?" Germany glanced at America, questioningly.

America hesitated for a moment. "How come...how come all the people you know are so  _weird?"_

Germany's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well..." America pointed at Prussia. "You're brother is...um...not very nice. And a bit scary and weird too. And Poland is really weird. And Austria sounds...well, not very nice either."

"Italy isn't weird," Germany replied. "She is the most beautiful, angelic creature on earth. Not  _everyone_ I know has problems."

"Oh." America frowned slightly. "...Okay then."

"I like, totally got it!"

Both of the de-aged nations jumped at the sudden exclamation from Poland.

Prussia raised one eyebrow. "What are you talking about, loser?"

"I like, know what we can do to make sure that we don't like, kill the brats!" Poland looked ecstatic. "We'll just like, find ourselves some fabulous womanly-influence and things will like, go brilliantly!"

Prussia stared at him, uncomprehendingly. "I see your lips moving," he muttered, "but I don't understand a word you're saying."

"Um excuse me," America said, shyly. "Maybe you could stop saying 'like' so much?"

"Shut up brat." Prussia shot him a glare. "That wasn't what I meant. Stop making useless suggestions."

That, of course, set Germany off. "You fiend!" he howled. "How dare you speak to a girl -"

Prussia chose to tune him out.

"See what I mean!" Poland waved a finger in the direction of the children. "We can't handle this! We like, need a woman to be all motherly and stuff!"

"That's just fucked," Prussia snorted. "We don't need any woman! I've raised West on my own before -"

Poland raised one eyebrow, cutting him off. "I thought Hungary and Austria like, raised him?"

"...Shut up." Prussia glared at him. "What I'm saying is, I don't need an annoying girl butting into my life. Hungary is bad enough."

"We could like, dump all the work on her and like, leave," Poland pointed out.

Prussia cocked his head to the side, considering this. "...Good point," he said, at last. He turned to the two children, both of whom were looking on in confusion.

"How would you feel about a new mum?" he asked them.

"I don't want a new mum," America responded, shaking his head. "I just want my brother."

"I want my one true love!" Germany declared.

"...Yeah." Prussia turned back to Poland. "Let's get ourselves that bitch."

...

After going through a long list of woman, and after ruling out the majority of them (Hungary because well...that one was obvious, Belarus because she was too psychotic, Ukraine because she had intimidating boobs -  _"they're almost as awesome as me!"_ \- and Liechtenstein because she would probably go and tell Switzerland, who would shoot them all).

In the end they had decided to go with Finland.

"Well..." Prussia coughed. "He is  _kind of_ like a woman...I mean, that loser who isn't a nation is always calling him 'Mama'..."

"Like, yeah." Poland nodded his head. "And Sweden calls him his wife...that's like,  _got_ to mean something!"

"Is Finland another crazy person?" America whispered to Germany.

"I don't know," Germany responded, shaking his head in confusion. "Probably."

...

"So loser - we need some help."

Finding Finland hadn't been  _too_ hard (it had only taken Prussia a little over an hour). The other nation looked slightly apprehensive as he stared at him, although Prussia couldn't imagine why. It wasn't like his awesome presence didn't bring fourth joy and happiness and...awesomeness everywhere he went.

"What do you want?" Finland asked, slowly.

"Well..." Prussia cocked his head to the side, studying the other nation for a moment. "You're kind of like a woman, right?"

_"What?!"_ Finland stared at him with wide, stunned eyes.

Prussia raised one eyebrow. "Is that a yes?"

"Prussia!" Finland looked furious. "Why would you say something like that?!"

"Why?" Prussia looked confused. "You are."

"It's insulting!"

"...No it's not." Prussia shook his head. "Sweden and that other random call you a woman all the time."

"Yes, well..." Finland avoided his eyes. "...Su-san and Peter don't quite...well, they wouldn't stop anyway, so there really isn't any point in asking -"

"Great," Prussia interrupted. "And since I won't be stopping either, you can stop asking me!"

Finland frowned at him.

"So, as I was saying...you're a bit of a woman, which makes you the perfect option for what I need!"

"And what  _do_ you need?" Finland ground out.

"Womanly influence!"

There was a brief pause.

"Prussia," Finland said, slowly. "There are a lot of women around here. If you really need one that badly, go ask them!"

"I can't," Prussia replied. "None of them would work for what I need."

"Oh for gods -" Finland shook his head. "Prussia, I have to go. I told Su-san I'd meet him at -"

"Come on!" Prussia grabbed onto his arm and dragged him down the corridor, ignoring his protests. "When you see what I'm talking about, you'd be a loser to refuse!"

"Prussia!" Finland cried. "Let me go! I'm not a woman!"

"You might as well be one!" Prussia yelled back.


	8. Chapter 8

"Prussia...oh my...what did you  _do?"_

With horrified eyes, Finland stared at the sight in front of him. America and Germany stared back, curious looks on their faces.

"Right well..." Taking a step forward, Prussia pointed at the two children. "That's America. And that's Germany."

"Holy Roman Empire," Germany interjected.

"I  _know!"_ Finland shot him a horrified glance. "I mean...I had no idea the other one was Germany -"

"Holy Roman Empire."

" - But I've seen America as a child an...god,  _why_ is he a child? What did you  _do?!"_

"Okay, hold up!" With an angry look, Prussia held up his hands. "What makes you say that  _I_ did anything? I'm not the only one in the room!"

Finland spared at glance at Poland, who shot him a brief wave. Shaking his head, he turned back to Prussia.

"I'm pretty sure it was you," he snapped. He turned his head back to America and Germany, his eyes flickering between them in disbelief.

"I don't even know  _how_ you did it," he muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" America took a hesitant step forward and stared up at Finland with wide eyes. "Can I ask you a question, please?"

Finland's expression softened. "Of course," he practically cooed.

"He's like, totally falling for their trap," Poland whispered to Prussia. "He'll like, regret it when he's lying on the floor, covered in gross-as vomit."

"Uh..." America chewed on his lip for a moment, before continuing. "Are you crazy too, mister?"

"I'm sorry?" Finland looked bewildered.

"Well, Prussia is -"

"Prussia is  _what?!"_ Prussia shot him a vicious glance, cutting him off abruptly.

"Nothing," America mumbled, lowering his eyes to the floor.

"Prussia, that's horrible!" Finland shot him a glare. "Don't talk to him that way - he's a child! And he's a child because of something  _you_ did!"

"Don't blame me! Blame Eng - er..." He paused, shooting America a nervous glance. "That er...one guy who talks weird."

"Like, everyone I know talks weird," Poland interjected. "You like, need to be more specific."

"Oh shut up loser," Prussia shot back. "You  _know_ who I'm talking about!"

"Like yeah, 'that one guy who talks weird.'" Poland snorted. "That's like,  _totally_ helpful."

"Oh for gods -" With an angry shake of his head, Prussia leaned forward and whispered something in Poland's ear. Poland's eyes widened in realization.

"Like,  _oh!"_ he exclaimed, ignoring Prussia's jerking head-shake. "You're like, talking about  _England!"_

"England!"

At America's exclamation, Prussia slammed his head on the nearest wall.

"Why are you talking about my big brother?" he asked, sounding excited. "Is he coming here?"

 _"No!"_ Prussia shot him a vicious glare. "For the last time,  _you'll never see England again!"_

 _That_ set Germany off.

"How dare you!" He roared, as America's eyes widened in shock. "You can't talk to girls that way! It's disgusting -"

"What girls?" Finland muttered, frowning slightly.

" - You're nothing more than a bully! I'd rather stay with Austria than you and - I want my sweet angel back -"

"Ignore the loser," Prussia muttered, turning to face Finland and Poland. "He does this a lot."

"Isn't he your brother?" Finland shot back. "Don't you  _care_ that he's upset?"

"Nah, not really," Prussia responded. "I mean, sure it's annoying but...nah, don't really care if he's upset."

"I like, totally think that's a horrible thing to say," Poland said, "except then I like, remember what's hidden behind the like, totally cute exterior."

"Oh." Finland frowned. "So...how exactly did they get that way?"

"I told you, it's England's fault," Prussia replied, scowling slightly. "You see, he had this unawesome book out and I was bored so I decided to look through it...and then West and America arrived, like the unawesome people that they are -"

Finland cut him off. "So basically what you're saying is, you turned America and Germany into children."

"...It was England's fault too."

Finland let out a loud sigh. "Of course it is."

"Don't worry though," Poland added. "We're like, totally dealing with this - even though I like, shouldn't have to deal with this because I like, totally had nothing to do with this. I'm trapped though - like you are."

"You're their new mother figure," Prussia said, jabbing a finger in the children's direction. "Congratulations."

Finland's eyes narrowed slightly and he shook his head.

"It's not like I would leave anyway," he replied, stiffly. Poland's eyes widened in surprise.

"Like,  _why not?!"_ he exclaimed. "If I like, wasn't trapped in this hell, I'd like, totally make a run for it."

"They're just children!" Finland snapped. "I mean,  _you two_ obviously aren't doing a very good job - I can't just  _leave_ them!"

"Like, I was totally doing a good job!" Poland shot back. "I was like, creating a relaxing and squeal-worthy environment for America - and then the brat like,  _puked on me!"_

Finland stood up and headed over to where America and Germany were sitting.

"I like, did it after the brat had like, peed all over me!" Poland called after him. "I'm like, totally selfless too!"

...

"I'm like, watching a miracle occur," Poland whispered, his eyes wide. "I'm like, totally going to start going to church and stuff."

"...He's only giving the brat a bath. It's really not that amazing."

Prussia and Poland stood side by side as they watched Finland (looking almost like an expert) drying off Germany after his bath. America sat back in the room, having already had his (Germany had refused to get undressed in front of a 'lady').

"It's like, way more than what we could ever do," Poland pointed out. "I like, probably would have drowned him."

"I probably would have too," Prussia agreed. "On purpose."

"And there!" Leaning back, Finland beamed. "See now, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

Germany scowled slightly and hurried back into the room. Finland shook his head slightly. His eyes drifted up to Poland and Prussia and his smile faded.

"I can't believe you didn't even give those kids a bath," he grumbled. "They  _stank._ How hard is it to figure out?"

"Oh shut up, loser," Prussia snapped. "Don't lecture the awesome me. Just put the brats to bed so we can figure out what to do with them."

"I can't put them to bed," Finland retorted. "It's  _morning._ They were just  _in bed."_

"Like, in  _my_ bed," Poland muttered.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Prussia groaned. "You mean I have to put up with the brats for the rest of the day?! Can't we just put sleeping pills in their food, or knock them out or something?"

Finland stared at him for a moment. "...I really hope you're joking," he said, at last.

"Like, shut the door," Poland said, hurriedly closing it and bolting the locks. "If we're like, plotting to overthrow those menaces, we like, can't let them hear."

"Don't worry Poland," Finland shot back, sarcastically. "We  _aren't_ planning to  _overthrow_ the  _children."_

"Like, you don't know those two like I do," Poland retorted. "They like, blind-sight you with their adorableness, and then they like, totally create all sorts of havoc and destruction - did you like,  _see_ what became of my favourite pajamas?!"

"So what do you have planned to turn them back?" Finland questioned, directing the question at Prussia. "Can I take a look at that book you were talking about?"

"What, you mean the unawesome one?" Prussia frowned slightly. "Why would I have it? England went psycho at me for holding it."

"...You don't have it?"

"No." Prussia's eyebrows raised. "England has it."

Finland let out a loud sigh. "Well don't you think maybe we should  _get_ the book?!"

...

"Do you think they're talking about anything important?" America asked, frowning slightly as he stared at the door.

"...No," Germany responded, after a moment of thought. "Prussia's too dumb to talk about anything important."

"Oh," America mumbled. "Well then...what do you think of, um...the new person?"

"The one who tried to convince me to undress in front of a lady?" Germany scowled slightly. "I thought he was nice before that - you know what's weird though? Prussia said he was supposed to be our new mummy - he can't be a mummy! He's not a lady!"

America frowned. "How come you can tell that he's not a girl, but you still think  _I'm_ one?"

"...I don't understand."

America let out a loud sigh and shook his head. "Never mind," he muttered, softly.


	9. Chapter 9

The previous day had passed with minimal drama. Now that Finland was present, things were being kept under control, much to the joy of Prussia and Poland.

"We still need someone to look after the kids during the meeting today," Finland said, as the three nations sat in the main part of the room.

"You can do it," Prussia responded, dismissively. "The loser of there -" He jabbed a finger in Poland's direction. " - Can help you."

Finland sat up slightly, looking irritated. "No," he shot back. "I've been looking after those two  _non-stop_ since I arrived here. One of you two can do it this time!"

"Like, I can't!" Poland cried, his eyes wide. He shot a nervous glance towards the bed, where America was sleeping. Germany was curled up on a nearby sofa, having refused to sleep in the same bed as a "lady".

"Why  _not?!"_ Finland shot him a glare.

Poland's expression morphed into one of desperation. "I like, need my stress relief!"

"I need to get that book from England," Prussia said. "You losers can't do it - you don't know how it looks. I'm the only option right now so...I get to go. You guys can deal with the brats."

"Like, I thought that was what we brought  _him_ here for!" Poland waved a hand in Finland's direction. "He's like, our womanly influence!" He turned to Finland. "You're totally supposed to like, mother the kids and stuff!"

"If Prussia has to get the book, then I guess  _you_ will be looking after the kids." Finland's expression left no room for argument; neither Poland nor Prussia could believe that  _Finland_ of all people could be so intimidating.

"But like, what will  _you_ be doing?" Poland wailed.

Finland's expression softened. "I have to speak to Su-san," he responded. "I haven't said anything to him since Prussia dragged me here yesterday."

A loud yawn interrupted any further conversation. The three nations glanced up to see America climbing out of bed, a sleepy expression on his face.

"Morning," Finland greeted him, smiling widely. America glanced up at him and his expression lit up.

"Morning mister!" he responded, cheerily.

"Aww, how cute," Prussia said, without any real emotion. "See, you love him and he loves you. Have fun looking after the brats."

"Prussia, shut up," Finland snapped.

America sat on the bed, shooting a wary glance at Prussia and Poland. Poland's eyes narrowed as he stared back.

"Does it look like he's going to like, vomit or anything?"

"Oh right," Prussia snorted. "He's going to vomit and it's going to hit  _you_ despite the fact that you're standing  _across the room."_

"Like, it could happen! Have you ever heard of projectile vomiting?!" Poland shuddered. "I like, saw it in The Exorcist this one time. Totally like, freaky."

"Hey brat," Prussia called out, ignoring Poland's statement. "You going to get you're midget arse out of bed or not?"

"Prussia!" Finland cried, shooting him a disapproving look.

"How dare you talk to a girl that way!" cried a voice. Poland jumped, letting out a yelp of alarm. Prussia's jaw dropped open.

"West, what the hell?" He shot his brother - who was now awake - an incredulous look. "Weren't you just asleep?"

"You can't talk to girls that way!" Germany repeated, crossing his arms and scowling. "It isn't right! No wonder you won't let me see my sweet Italy - you're all monsters!"

"Morning Ho," America said, smiling slightly.

Germany's expression immediately softened. "Good morning America!" he said, beaming widely. He climbed up and dusted himself off; America quickly pulled himself out of bed and joined Germany on the floor.

"So..." Prussia coughed. "Which one of you losers is going to look after the brats?"

"I told you," Finland snapped, sounding annoyed, "either you or Poland is going to gave to do it. I'm busy."

"Right, okay then." Prussia nodded his head. "The loser can do it."

"No!" Poland wailed. "That is like,  _so_ unfair!"

"We don't need anyone to look after us!" Germany cried, his eyes flashing. "Just leave us alone! That way I can find my love and America can find her brother -"

_"His_ brother," America muttered.

" - And everything will be fine!"

"Yeah...let me think... _no."_ Prussia turned to Poland. "You're looking after the brats - no, you do not have a choice."

"But like, why?! Can't we just like..." Poland's eyes suddenly lit up as an idea hit him. "Can't we like, lock them in a closet like you did before?"

"No!" America cried, his eyes widening in distress. "No! You can't do that - it isn't nice in the closet and...and I don't like it!"

"Don't worry," Finland told him, soothingly. "I won't let them put you in there." He shot a menacing glance at Poland and Prussia.

"This is like,  _so_ unfair," Poland moaned.

...

"So..." France coughed. Every nation in the room turned to stare at him; despite the fact that the meeting had been supposed to begin over half an hour ago, no one had made any move to begin. "Shouldn't we be starting?"

"Germany usually starts these things, aru," China responded. "Has anyone seen him, aru?"

No one responded.

"Prussia?" France shot a glance at his friend. "Have you seen Germany?"

"No," Prussia snapped. "I haven't...I've said it before and I'll say it again - I am  _not_ my brother's keeper. I don't keep track of everything he does!" His expression darkened further. "And don't even  _think_ about asking me about that brat America!"

France opened his mouth to say something but then, rethinking this action, shook his head and looked away.

"Mad people," he muttered under his breath.

"So you're telling me that  _no one_ knows where Germany is?" Austria demanded. Prussia's jaw clenched.

_"I_ don't," he snapped. "I don't know about all the rest of you losers but I  _don't know where he is!"_

"What about America then?" England asked, a hint of annoyance slipping into his voice at the mention of the nation. "Is he here? The git usually loves to -"

"Shut the fuck up!" Everyone turned to stare at Prussia. "Didn't I  _say_ not to ask me about America?!"

"...I  _wasn't_ asking you, you  _bloody idiot,"_ England snapped. "What the bloody hell is wrong with  _you?"_

"Our friend Prussia doesn't seem to be feeling well," France said, cutting off any further argument. "Let's just get started with the meeting, hmm?"

No one made any move to start.

"...Or not." France let out a loud sigh.

Prussia sat still in his seat, his eyes flickering around the room. He needed to get that book from England (and  _now_ because he was seriously going to  _lose it_ if he was asked about Germany  _one more time..._ ). Said nation was sitting across the room from him...

He glanced on either side of him. The seat next to him was empty; West usually sat there. On the seat next to that, Italy sat, staring absently at the wall.

Every other seat leading to England was taken...

Prussia's jaw clenched; he needed to get to England and get that  _stupid book_ from him without seeming...well, too obvious about it.

He glanced at Italy again and frowned slightly.

"Hey Italy," he hissed. "Can I switch seats with you?"

Italy glanced up looking confused. "What?" he asked. "Why?"

"Because..." Prussia thought for a moment. "Well...I don't want you to have to suffer." He nodded his head. "You know, with the knowledge that you're sitting on the seat that, ugh...England had sex with...Poland...on."

Prussia inwardly smirked;  _'take that, both of you stupid losers. The awesome me ALWAYS gets payback.'_

Italy's eyes widened in horror. "What?!" he squeaked.

"Yeah." Prussia nodded his head. "I mean, I don't mind sitting on a seat like that but... _you,_ Italy...you'll always know what went on upon the...fluffy exterior of that seemingly innocent thing..."

"Take it!" With a horrified look, Italy leapt up, trembling slightly. Prussia smirked slightly, and then glanced at the  _long_ line of seats leading up to England's.

Hopefully that would work another dozen times...

...

"Fn'lnd?"

Finland swallowed and stared down at the table. As much as he had been longing to speak to Su-san since Prussia had dragged him off the day before, he now found that he wasn't sure  _what_ to say. What would he say if Su-san asked him where he'd been the day before? He didn't like lying...

"Fn'lnd?"

"Hi Su-san!" Forcing a smile, Finland glanced up. "How are you? I didn't get much of a chance to see you yesterday...I was uh, busy..."

"I was lookin' f'r you," Sweden told him, taking a seat down next to him and frowning slightly. "I couldn't f'nd you."

Finland swallowed. "Oh yes," he said. "I uh..." He thought for a moment; his mind went blank. "...I was doing stuff."

Sweden stared at him.

"Important stuff." Oh god,  _why_ was he such a bad liar? And  _why_ did Prussia have to go and drag him into this mess? Not that he was  _angry_ exactly, because those kids needed love and nurturing, and Prussia and Poland were as nurturing as Jack the Ripper had been.

"Oh..." Sweden frowned. "Evr'ythin's fine th'n?"

"Oh yes!" Finland nodded his head, hurriedly. "Everything's fine, there's nothing to worry about. I'm not being held against my will or anything!" He let out a weak, nervous laugh.

Sweden's eyes narrowed.

_'Oh WHY?!'_ Finland stared hopelessly in front of him.  _'WHY do I have to be so bad at lying? And WHY does Su-san have to be so GOOD at seeing right through me? Why...'_

"Hey guys, what's up?" Denmark dumped himself in the chair beside Sweden and shot them a wide grin.

Finland inwardly let out a sigh of relief, for once glad that Denmark had made himself present.

"...So everyone's talking about America and Germany have disappeared off the face of the earth -"

...Or not.

...

_"Excuse me?!"_

Note to self: If you're going to use the "England had sex with Poland on your seat!" excuse to send someone running,  _look_ at who you're speaking to when you say it.

"Did I say England?" Prussia laughed. "I meant...France. Yeah, I meant France!"

England glared at him. "I don't know what the  _bloody hell_ is wrong with you," he spat. "But leave me the hell out of it, alright?"

"Uh-huh, sure." Prussia leaned back in his seat. "So...what's up? Reading any good books lately?" Trying to be conspicuous, Prussia glanced around, searching for the book from the previous meeting.

"Nothing you'd be interested in," England snapped. "Go away."

"Anything weird?" Damn, there was no book on the table; would he be able to look  _under_ the table without being too obvious? "Anything...unnatural?"

_"What?"_ England stared at him. "What  _are_ you on about?"

"...Anything under the table?" Was THAT conspicuous? Prussia frowned and took a peak under.

"Are you out of your  _mind?!"_ England backed away, shooting him a wary glance. "Go sit back where you were before! Leave me alone!"

"I bored!" Where the hell was that unawesome book?! "Can't you...lend me something to read?"

"I haven't  _got_ anything, you twat! Go  _away!"_ With a noise of frustration, England stood up and stormed off, muttering curses under his breath.

_"That's_ America's brother?" said a voice from behind him. "And America tells me that  _I_ know weird people!"

Prussia froze; dreading what he would see, he glanced behind him.

"Is my Italy here?" Germany asked, smiling eagerly.

...

It took Poland a while to realize that something was really wrong.

"Hey, brat?" he called to America. He'd tried to put as much distance between him and the child as possible. He'd managed to clean himself up and had returned himself to his regular, fabulous state. The last thing he needed was to be vomited on again.

"What?" America asked, glancing up.

"...Like, is it just me or is it...quiet in here?" Poland frowned.

"Well um..." America hesitated. "You're not talking and...I'm not talking...so it's quiet..." He nodded his head, avoiding Poland's gaze.

"Like, but what about Germany?" Poland looked around; he couldn't see the other child.

"Germany?" America frowned. "Who's Germany?"

"Like, you know...the other kid who doesn't like, vomit and pee on everything..." Apprehension curled in Poland's gut.

"Do you mean Ho?" America's brow furrowed slightly. "Ho left a while ago..."

"Like,  _WHAT?!"_ Poland dashed forward, his eyes wide with horror. "Like, what do you  _MEAN_ he left?!"

"He followed Prussia and Mister Finland..." America blushed slightly. "I thought I'd stay here since Mister Finland asked me to, and I really like Mister Finland...he's nice to me! And maybe if I'm good, he'll take me back to my big brother -"

"Like,  _why?!"_ Poland sank to his knees. "I like, did nothing to deserve this! Why can't I just like, catch a break?!"

"Um..." America hesitated. "...My big brother says that when you're upset, you should talk about it with someone..."

"I like, don't want to talk," Poland sniffed. "I'm like, seriously depressed right now! Prussia like, totally screwed up and I like, have to pay the price! And you like, peed on me! And threw up on me! I like, showered and used shampoo and everything. My hair like,  _still_ smells like vomit!"

America frowned. "I'm sorry..."

Poland let out a choked sob. "It was like, supposed to make my hair smell like strawberries!"

America's brow furrowed. "...My vomit?"

_"The shampoo!"_

"...Oh..."

"And like, I was totally meant to meet up with Liet today to go shopping for like, a new outfit. There were these new pants I wanted - there was only like,  _one pair left!_ They'll totally like be  _gone_ the next time I go! This is so totally  _tragic!"_

America nodded his head solemnly and patted him on the back. "It's alright," he said, mimicking what he had seen England do when he was upset. "Let it all out."

"Everything's like,  _so_ un-squeal-worthy," Poland whimpered. "And like...Finland has such soft hair!" He screwed his eyes shut. "I'm supposed to be like, the most fabulous person in the room! Why is this happening to me?!"

"Um..." America cocked his head to the side, trying to come up with something nice to say. His big brother had always told him to be a gentleman. "...I like your hair?"

Poland didn't seem to hear the question in his voice; he perked up.

"Really?" he asked, eagerly.

"Yes!" America smiled, glad that he'd been able to stop Poland's breakdown (for the moment). "The first time I saw you, I thought you were my big brother!"

Poland froze and then let out a wail of distress. America's eyes widened and he took a step back.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"How could you like, think I was  _ENGLAND?!"_ Poland stared at him in horror. "I'm like, much to fabulous for all of this! Like, what hell  _is_ this?!"

"...I mean, it doesn't really look like England's hair," America babbled. "I just...I was far away all right!" His lower lip trembled.

"I like, can't believe you thought I was England!" Poland glared furiously at the child in front of him. "This is like, just making my day worse, and -  _stop pouting!_ It's like, making me want to hug you!"

America took a step back.

"You're scary," he whispered.


	10. Chapter 10

For a few moments Prussia stared in front of him, his eyes trained on the child-version of his brother.

"You can't hide her from me," Germany said, almost smugly. "I  _know_ she must be somewhere in this room, and when I find her -"

"Shit!" Prussia cursed. "West, what the  _fuck?!_ How the hell did you even - you know what, fuck this shit. Get under the table before someone sees you!"

Germany frowned. "No!" he said. "You'll just make me stay there, like you made me stay in the closet -"

"Prussia?!" Prussia froze at the sound of France's voice. "Is everything okay?"

In one fluid movement, Prussia shoved Germany under the table. His head snapped up and he tried to hide his panic.

"Um, hi," he choked. "France. Buddy ol' pal. Um...awesome day, isn't it?"

France stared at him.

_'Dammit,'_ Prussia mentally cursed.  _'This is SO not awesome. France better watch out or he might not stay on my list of awesome-people for much longer...'_

His friend (or former friend the way things were going) shook his head and turned away.

"I want my Italy!" Germany called from under the table. "I want my -"

_"I'M LOOKING FOR MY CONTACTS!"_ Prussia howled. Every nation in the room turned to stare at him. With a forced smile on his face, Prussia made a big show of getting down onto his knees and for a few moments, began to search around on the floor.

"I knew he'd go crazy eventually," someone muttered from nearby.

Ignoring them (Prussia would get his revenge later) he focused his entire attention on his brother.

"Okay West," he growled. "You are going to go back to the room  _now_ okay? And then you are going to give that  _loser_ Poland a big kick on the arse - I should have known he'd be  _useless."_

"I want my Italy," Germany argued, stubbornly. "You've kept us apart for far too long! It's  _killing me!"_

"...It's been two days."

"Two days!" Germany spat. "It feels like two centuries! No - no, it feels like so much longer! I feel like my heart is breaking without her, little by little -"

"West,  _shut up!"_ Prussia groaned. "Look, trust me when I say, you  _don't_ want to find Italy - trust me, I don't think you want that little wake-up call."

Germany frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Best not get into that... "Anyway, is the other loser here?"

Germany stared at him, blankly.

"America."

"Oh!" Germany's eyes widened in realization. "Right well, no - she decided to follow the rules and stay back. I'd call her a sook except, well...she's a girl. I suppose it's alright for a girl to follow the rules." He smiled slightly. "She'd make a good wife some day, don't you think."

"Dear fucking god, I did  _not_ need that image," Prussia muttered, shuddering slightly.

"Are you  _talking_ to  _yourself?"_

Dear god, why did everyone hate him so much?

"Loser," Prussia said, his way of greeting the nation in front of him - Austria. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Have you gone completely mad?" Austria asked, sounding amused and disgusted at the same time. "We all knew it was going to happen eventually but - well I suppose it finally has -"

"Austria!" Germany cried, shock coating his tone. "It's that jerk Austria! It's -"

Prussia slammed his hand over Germany's mouth, his eyes wide.

Austria frowned, looking around. "What was that?" he asked. His eyes focused on Prussia. "Did you hear anything?"

"Course not," Prussia laughed. "What, are you hearing things now loser? Must be contagious or something - first France and now you. You better get away from me  _now_ because I sure as hell don't want to go crazy."

"You're already crazy," Austria muttered, shaking his head before walking off in the opposite direction.

_'Thank god,'_ Prussia thought.

"Prussia?"

Dear lord, there was his proof - everyone really  _did_ hate him.

"Ita -" he paused, remembering exactly  _who_ was listening in on this conversation. "Er, it's you," he amended. "What the hell do you want?"

"I heard you were looking for your contacts," Italy responded, in that annoyingly-cheerful way of his. And okay, usually it wasn't annoying - Prussia actually thought Italy was kind of awesome. Not as awesome as him of course but...well, as awesome as someone who wasn't him could be.

He really needed to edit that list of his...

"Oh yeah," Prussia laughed, ignoring Germany's struggles as he tried to get Prussia's hand off his mouth. "How'd you hear that?"

"I know!" Italy beamed, brightly. "What a coincidence, right? Anyway, I was thinking, maybe you'd like some help finding them."

Germany struggled harder, making muffled protests.

"Haha, well that's just -  _NO, DON'T YOU DARE!"_

Italy - who had been about to get down on his knees - stared at Prussia with wide, confused eyes.

"Er, I mean..." Prussia let out an awkward laugh. "I wouldn't want you to, er...put yourself through such..." He paused, trying to find the right word. "...Agony..."

Italy continued to stare.

"Cause you know," Prussia continued, hurriedly, "England did it with Poland on this very floor!" He let out a nervous laugh.

"Mmmm!" Germany tried to speak but Prussia's hand muffled whatever he had been about to say.

"W-what?" Italy gasped.

"Yeah, I know," Prussia said, nodding his head. "Kinky, right?"

"But -" Italy stared, uncomprehendingly. "I thought - the chairs -"

Prussia shrugged. "Yeah well, they do it a lot."

"But..." Italy looked from the chair to the floor, and repeated this action a few times. "...I don't understand..."

"Yeah I know, it's always in this room. England and Poland don't want anyone to know so, er...they hide it!" Oh yeah, he was the  _king_ of improvisation. "Yeah, they sneak around and shit like that."

"Really?" Italy's eyes grew wide.

Prussia nodded his head, quickly. "Oh they are  _terrified_ that people will be all  _"Poland, you're too loser-like and unawesome for England!"_ and  _"England your eyebrows are too big for Poland!"_ "

"Oh that's so horrible!" Italy gasped. A moment later he frowned. "Should you be telling me this? If they really want to hide then...I don't want to hurt their feelings!"

"No, no, they need you!" Prussia thought that grabbing Italy's shoulders in fake desperation (...or not so fake) would have been an  _awesome_ effect, but doing that would require him to let go of Germany...and that was something that he  _really_ didn't want to do.

"Why?" Italy asked.

"Oh well...because you need to knock some sense into them!" Prussia forced a large smile onto his face. "You need to tell England that while yes, his eyebrows are insanely and inhumanly huge, they're perfect for that loser Poland."

"Oh..." Italy stared at him, looking hopeful. "Will that...will it help?"

Prussia - resisting the urge to tell Italy to  _fuck the hell off -_ nodded his head. "Yes it will."

Italy beamed. "Okay then!" he announced brightly, and started to walk off. Just as Prussia was about to thank the heavens (and himself because he had been  _fucking awesome_ to think up all that on the spot) when life decided to kick him in the arse yet again.

Germany pulled out of his grasp.

"He's Italian!" the child cried, his voice piecing Prussia's ears. "He's Italian!"

"Shut up West!" Prussia hissed, struggling to grab his brother.

_"ITALIAN MAN!"_ Germany howled (Prussia could only be glad that he had remained under the table).  _"TELL ME, WHERE IS MY ITALY?!"_

"Stop, stop, stop..." Prussia moaned. A few people turned to stare at him, giving him odd stares. Prussia didn't give a damn what they thought, as long as Italy didn't turn around.

...And of course, Italy just  _had_ to turn around.

"Did you hear something?" he asked, frowning and looking around. Prussia shook his head quickly.

"No," he responded, giving Germany a soft kick under the table.

_'Shut up,'_ he thought, desperately.  _'For the sake of all that's holy, PLEASE shut up...'_

_"ITALIAN MAN!"_ Germany howled, ignoring Prussia's non-verbal warning.  _"MY ITALY - WHERE IS SHE?!"_

"What...?" Italy's eyes grew wide in disbelief. "Was that...Holy Roman Empire...?"

"Holy Roman Empire?" Prussia jumped in alarm at the sound of Austria's voice.  _Dammit!_

"Don't be ridiculous, Italy," Austria continued, ignoring the venomous glare that Prussia was shooting him. "Holy Roman Empire is dead."

_"AUSTRIA YOU JERK!"_

Austria paled. "W-w-what?" he stuttered. Prussia would have enjoyed the look of horror on the other nation's face if he hadn't been preoccupied with cursing his miserable life. "No! How - what - how can this be -?"

"Holy Roma!" Italy cried, distress filling his tone.

"NO, NO,  _NO!"_ Prussia howled in frustration. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ENGLAND THAT IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO GET DIRTY WITH POLAND!"

_"EXCUSE ME?!"_

No one bothered to pay attention to England's indignant scream, all too focused on what was going on in front of them.

...

Unlike the majority of the nations in the room who were watching the commotion that was going on, the Nordics were preoccupied.

"Aw, come on Finland," Denmark moaned for around the tenth time since he'd arrived. "Just tell us where you've been since yesterday. We won't tell anyone."

"It's not a secret," Finland retorted.

"Then tell us!"

"There's nothing to tell." Finland lowered his eyes, forcing himself not to look at them in fear that he would give something away. "I was just...hanging out with a friend."

Denmark snorted. "You don't have any friends."

Finland shot him a glare.

"He does have friends," Iceland interjected. "Remember, Estonia?"

Finland perked up. "Yeah!" he said, nodding his head quickly. "Estonia is my friend!"

"So you were with Estonia?" Norway questioned, sounding disinterested.

"Yes." Finland nodded his head.

"So, if we ask Estonia what you guys were doing yesterday, he'd tell us?" Denmark asked, shooting Finland a slight smirk.

"...No."

"Leave m' wife alone," Sweden growled.

"Exactly!" Finland shot Sweden a grateful look.

"I'll f'nd out later m'self."

Finland's smile faded and he inwardly cursed. Dammit...why had Prussia dragged him into this mess...

...Speaking of Prussia...

Finland's eyes dragged over to the commotion occurring across the room. His eyes swept from the almost crazed expression on Prussia's face to the looks of horror on Austria and Italy's faces.

_'What the hell?'_ he thought.  _'What's going on...?'_

And then a familiar voice met his ears. A  _very_ familiar voice. A voice that sounded like...like...

"What's up with those guys?" Denmark asked, sounding slightly amused. "I swear, Prussia's been acting weird all day. Look's like he's hiding something under the table too."

No...it couldn't be.  _It couldn't be..._

Germany was back in the bedroom with America and Poland...right?

Finland closed his eyes and let out a silent curse.

"I'll be right back," he told the other's, hoping that they wouldn't press him for answers. Oh who was he kidding - of  _course_ they would.

"Why, where are you going?" Iceland asked, curiously.

"Um..." Finland struggled to find a good excuse. "My...contacts fell out?"

They all stared at him.

Ignoring them, Finland got down on his knees and crawled under the table. His eyes immediately met the small figure crouched on the opposite end of the table and he inwardly cursed; dammit,  _why_ did he have to be here?

Trying to ignore the voice in his head saying,  _"if you run now, Prussia will never be able to catch you...",_ Finland made his way over.

...

"Do you reckon I should get contacts?" Denmark mused, as Norway, Sweden and Iceland stared at the spot where Finland had been moments before.

"What?" Norway asked, shooting him a blank look.

"Well," Denmark said, "everyone seems to be wearing them lately, and you know, I always gotta stay on top of the newest trends -"

Norway closed his eyes and slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.

...

Getting Germany out of the room was a lot easier than Finland had anticipated.

The child had been so preoccupied with trying to get out from under the table, he'd barely noticed Finland creeping up behind him until the other nation had grabbed him from behind. Germany made a protesting noise, but Finland slapped his hand over his mouth in a swift motion.

Muttering about how Germany was going to be in  _"so, so, SO much trouble",_ Finland crept out from under the table, trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible. It really wasn't too hard - everyone was so busy watching what was going on with Prussia, Austria, and Italy, that they didn't even notice Finland creeping out from under the table.

"Germany," Finland ground out, once he had made it safely out of the room. "What the  _hell?!"_

"I wanted to find my Italy!" Germany complained, struggling to get out of Finland's grip. "You're all keeping her from me! Let me go, I have to go speak to that Italian man - he'll know where my love is -"

_Italian man?_ Finland eye's widened as he realized exactly  _who_ Germany was referring too.

"Oh wow," he muttered. "That's just...weird..."

"He'll know!" Germany continued, desperately. "I have to talk to him!"

"No, no, there'll be no talking to Ita - er, the Italian man." Finland gave Germany a small smile and patted him on the shoulder. "Come on, we have to go back to the room now."

Germany let out a series of loud complaints, struggling to escape as Finland dragged him down the corridor. Finland ignored his struggles and let out a loud sigh.

"I want to talk to the Italian man," Germany whined.

"No," Finland told him.

Germany pouted and continued to try and get away. Finland shook his head; he wondered what Germany's reaction would be if he found out that the "Italian man" was really the so-called "love of his life."

Well...he certainly wouldn't be the one to break the news to him.


	11. Chapter 11

"- And you  _fucking loser_ how hard is it to keep track of  _two_ fucking brats? An un-awesome loser with no brain could do it! You -"

"I think your brother's being really mean to Poland," America murmured, frowning slightly.

"Hmm?" Germany blinked. "Oh...I wasn't listening."

"Like, butt out!" Poland wailed. "I was like, having a major crisis, alright? You like, totally ruined my life and now I'm in like, total distress! Leave me alone!"

"No!" Prussia shot him a vicious glare. "You  _idiot,_ someone could have seen  _that_ idiot!" He jabbed a finger in Germany's direction.

America frowned. "Ho, he called you a bad word."

"What?" Germany blinked, looking slightly dazed.

"Are you alright?" America asked him, shooting him a brief glance.

"I'm better than alright." Germany smiled slightly. "I met an Italian man today - do you know what this means?"

America shook his head.

"I'm  _this_ much closer to finding my one true love!" Germany lifted his hands to make to make an estimate of just how much 'closer' he was. He dropped them a moment later, looking confused.

"Hey, hey," Finland interrupted. "No more talk about this...Italian man. You...you're not supposed to speak to strangers."

"My big brother says the same thing!" America exclaimed, beaming widely. "Well, strangers and strange frogs with bad hair and horrible accents - although that's just  _weird_ because why would anyone talk to a frog?!"

"That  _is_ weird," Germany agreed.

"Alright." Finland placed an hand on both of their backs and pushed them gently towards the bathroom. "I think it's time that the two of you had a bath - especially you, Germany; you've been running all over the place today."

"Whose Germany?"

Finland blinked. "Er - sorry, I meant Holy Roman Empire."

"Call him Ho," America interjected. "It's so much better!"

Finland looked vaguely disturbed. "Yes well...I'd rather not."

He ushered them towards the bathroom, ignoring the argument occurring behind him, and Poland's hysterical cries of,  _"all I like, wanted was for my hair to like, smell like strawberries!"_

"Wait!" Germany protested, just as Prussia howled,  _"What the fuck are you even on about, you loser?!"_

"What?" Finland shot him a brief glance.

"I can't have a bath with a  _girl!"_ He looked mortified at the mere thought. "It's...it's not right!"

"What - oh." Finland let out a small sigh.

"I'm not a girl," America mumbled. Finland patted him on the head and shot him an apologetic look.

"I'm not going to!" Germany shook his head, defiantly. "I have morals!"

"You can have a bath with your clothes on them," Finland responded, firmly. "Come on, I really don't have time to do this separately."

"America has to wear her clothes too!" Germany argued.

"Fine," Finland agreed.

America frowned. "But -"

_"Fine."_

His expression fell.

"Now come on." Finland gently pushed them into the bathroom, before shutting the door behind him.

The argument in the room dragged on.

"I mean," Prussia continued to rant, "you just fucking...let him go! The fucking loser was just wandering around in the conference room, and if it wasn't for  _my_ pure awesomeness, things would have gone to  _hell!"_

"Like, I told you, they're the demon spawns!" Poland's face screwed up. "I can't like, handle the pressure! I'm like, going to get grey hair's by the end of this and that'll like, be  _totally_ not cool!"

"We're nations! We can't  _get_ grey hair!"

"Like, oh my god, I'm going to be the only one!"

A knock on the door made them both jump.

"Who the hell is that?" Prussia muttered, his brow furrowing slightly.

The door opened a moment later and, much to Prussia's horror, the figures standing on the other side were Hungary, Austria and -  _goddammit -_ Italy.

"My life is a living version of hell," he whispered.

"What are you losers doing here?" Prussia demanded, trying to keep his voice calm. He shot a nervous glance towards the bathroom, silently praying that Germany and America would keep quiet.

Hungary, looking slightly amused, jabbed a finger in Austria and Italy's direction.  _"They_ seem to be under the impression that Holy Roman Empire has come back from the dead."

"I am not!" Austria snapped, though his trembling form proved otherwise. "I am only here because Italy will not shut up about his theory, and I want to make him shut up!"

Hungary leaned in close to Prussia and Poland and whispered, "he's gone to the toilet about ten times in the past hour."

"Um...what?" Prussia let out a nervous laugh and took a step backwards. "What the hell are you losers talking about?"

"Like, who the  _F_ is Holy Roman Empire?" Poland stammered, his eyes growing wide in panic. "I like, don't know any Holy Roman Empire. Like, Prussia, do you know a Holy Roman Empire?"

"Shut up loser," Prussia growled.

Hungary looked between the two, looking confused. "Um...okay then," she muttered. Shaking her head, she said in a louder voice, "could you just tell Austria and Italy that Holy Roman Empire  _is_ in fact dead because - well, from what I can understand, this all seems to lead back to  _you."_

"I know he is dead!" Austria cried. "It's  _Italy_ who needs reassurance!"

The next voice that filled the room did  _not_ belong to any of it's current occupants - rather it came from the bathroom.

Prussia (and he had lost count of how many times he had done it that day) silently cursed his existence.

"Hungary! It's Hungary!" Germany's voice seemed to grate against his ears. "She's probably one of the few people I can actually stand!  _Hungary!"_

Hungary paled. "What -?"

_"HUNGARY! I DON'T LIKE PRUSSIA - CAN I GO BACK TO STAYING WITH YOU?!"_

"Oh god," Hungary whispered. "Is that -?"

"Like, no, no,  _no!"_ Poland cried. "It's nothing! Finland's like...like, watching a movie!"

"In the bathroom?" Prussia ground out, shooting Poland an irritated look. Dammit, that loser  _sucked_ at improvising.

"It's like, a mermaid movie!" Poland stumbled over his words. "It...I mean, um...we like, thought it would help him get more into it!"

_"HUNGARY?!"_

Finland's voice sounded a moment later, soft and barely audible. Prussia silently cursed the other nation - he was  _dead_ as soon as this mess was over.

"Holy Roma?" Italy choked, speaking for the first time since he'd stepped into the room.

Germany, from behind the closed door, gasped. "The Italian man!" he screamed. "It's the  _Italian man!"_

"No!" Prussia cried. "It's...it's not what it looks like!"

"Like, don't say that!" Poland wailed. "They'll like, figure it all out!"

"This is a joke!" Austria said, his voice trembling. He had grown almost as pale as Prussia's hair. "He is mocking us!"

Italy burst into tears; his form trembled as his body wracked with loud sobs.

"Holy Roma," he spluttered, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I don't understand!"

"Okay, you know what." Prussia grabbed the back of Austria and Italy's shirts and shoved them towards the door. "Come on, it's time for you loser's to leave."

"I don't understand!" Italy moaned.

"Come on," Prussia repeated, giving Austria's motionless form another shove. He shot a glance at Hungary, who was standing frozen in her spot. "Come on, you too."

"I'm sure there is a very good reason for this," Hungary whispered, walking forward as if in a daze. "A very, very good reason...Prussia, what is that good reason?"

Prussia shoved her out the door.

"Goodbye losers," he told the three nations, before slamming the door in their faces. Just as the door closed, he heard a loud  _'thump!'_ from the other side.

"Oh dear - Austria?" Hungary cried. "Austria, come on, wake up - I'm sure there's an explanation for all this -"


	12. Chapter 12

"So what are we going to do?" Finland asked. In a slightly irritated voice, he added, "and Prussia,  _please_ stop glaring at me."

"You almost gave us away, loser!" Prussia snapped, glowering at him.

"Well you got us into this situation in the first place!" Finland shot back. "Be happy I've stuck around this long!"

"Like, me too," Poland added, haughtily, although no one paid him any attention.

In the corner of the room, America sat watching the scene with wide eyes. Germany sat beside him, muttering angrily to himself.

" - Could have found my one true love by now...the Italian man could have led me to my angel...I want my angel back...why does Prussia  _always_ have to ruin everything?!"

"Aw, don't be sad Ho," America said, his eyes growing wider at the sight of his friend in distress. "I'm sure you'll find Italy eventually!"

Germany sniffed and looked away. "You're just saying that," he muttered.

"No," America responded. "I  _mean_ it. The heros always win! And we're the heros, right? 'Cause otherwise,  _they'd_ be the heros...Finland's nice but Prussia's too mean to be a hero, and Poland's too  _scary."_

"We're the heros," Germany agreed. "We're way better than that jerk Prussia."

America beamed. "Exactly!"

"Keep it down there," Prussia called out to them, sounding annoyed. "Some of us are actually trying to do work!"

"Oh, just leave them," Finland grumbled. "Come on, we need to come up with a plan! This has gone on long enough!"

"We have to like, get that book back from England," Poland piped in. "I mean, it's like, the only thing that can un-screw this, right?"

"Yeah but that loser didn't bring the book to the meeting today." Prussia scowled. "I'd been  _totally_ ready to grab it!"

"We  _have_ to get the book," Finland stressed. "If we don't...well who knows if this mess will ever sort itself out? I say we check again at tomorrows meeting and if not...we'll sneak into England's room tomorrow and find it."

"England?" America asked in a small voice.

"No," Prussia snapped.

The child's expression fell and Finland felt a lump forming in his throat; he dragged his eyes away and focused his eyes firmly on the wall.

"Or we could always just ask England for it," he muttered.

"What?" Prussia gaped at him. "Are you  _insane?!_ Fuck no!"

Finland shot another look at America's crest-fallen expression and looked away, clenching his jaw slightly.

A knock on the door startled them all out of their conversation.

"Dammit," Prussia cursed. "Can't everyone just leave me alone? Who is it now?!"

"Prussia?"

Everyone froze.

"Oh shit!" Prussia shot a nervous look at Germany, who looked oblivious to the voice that had just sounded from the otherside of the door. His shoulders slumped slightly; at least  _something_ good had happened.

"Deal with this!" he hissed to Poland. "Seriously, before  _he_ hears!"

"Like, what do you want me to do?" Poland retorted, looking bewildered.

"Prussia?"

"I don't fucking care!" Prussia shot a panicked look at the still oblivious Germany.  _"Do_ something...loud!"

Poland stared blankly for a moment, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small ipod from his pocket.

"Where did you get that from?" Finland asked, sounding bewildered.

"I like, never leave  _anywhere_ without my favourite jams." Yanking out the headphones, Poland turned the music up to full volume. Immediately Beyonce's "Single Ladies" started blaring throughout the room, blocking out yet another cry of, "Prussia?! Are you in there?!"

"Isn't Beyonce like, totally booty-licious?" Poland murmured, beaming widely. America and Germany looked up, both bewildered.

"What  _is_ that?" Germany demanded.

"Is that a ghost?" America stuttered, his eyes growing wide. "I don't understand...where is that voice coming from?! It's a ghost isn't it?!"

"I'll protect you America!" Germany declared. "I won't let any evil ghost going after single ladies to  _touch_ you!"

"But I'm not a single lady!" America protested. He let out a squeak of terror as the song continued on.

As the kids were distracted, Prussia snuck out of the room. He slammed the door behind him, and shot a glare at the nation who had been standing on the other side.

"What do you want?" he snapped, glowering at Italy.

"Oh, there you are," Italy said, attempting to smile. It didn't really reach his eyes; his entire body seemed to project anxiety and apprehension.

"Yeah," Prussia snapped. "What do you want?"

"Are you okay Prussia?" Italy asked, his brow furrowing slightly. "You seem really...odd lately."

"Yeah well, I can say the same thing about you," Prussia retorted. "I mean, what with your...questions and all that. You ask too many questions."

"What?" Italy blinked in confusion.

"Just stop asking questions," Prussia replied, quickly. "And while your at it, tell everyone else - especially my  _dear_ buddy France - to stop with the questions as well."

"Wha - okay Prussia." Frowning, Italy nodded his head. "But...I have to talk to you about something."

"What?" Prussia shot a weary glance at the door, hoping to  _God_ that Germany would stay far behind it.

"Austria thinks we should hold a seance for Holy Roma," Italy said. "I was thinking, since you were his brother and all, you should come!"

"What?"

"A seance for Holy Roma," Italy repeated.

"Yeah, yeah," Prussia snapped, sounding annoyed. "I heard you the first time...why the  _hell_ do you want to hold a  _seance_ for him?"

"To ask him what he's doing back," Italy responded. "There has to be a reason, right? We need to find out and..." Italy frowned, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"Aw fuck..." Prussia clenched his jaw slightly. "Look, Italy - Holy Roman Empire isn't back from the dead. No one needs a seance, alright?!"

"But...what if he  _is_ back?" Italy's jaw wobbled slightly. "Isn't it better to be on the safe side, just in case?"

"No -"

"Whose that?"

Prussia felt his body go stiff at the sound of the familiar, dreaded voice of his de-aged brother. Much to his horror, he realized that the loud, belting song had come to an end.

Shit; he needed to get rid of Italy and  _fast._

"Is someone in there?" Italy asked, frowning slightly.

"Uh, yeah," Prussia said, hurriedly. "It's uh - Finland! And Poland! Yeah, the two of those losers are just...doing...stuff. Making out and all, you know."

Italy blinked in confusion. "But...I thought Poland and England...?"

Prussia shrugged. "Yeah, Poland's kind of a slut."

"And Finland's in a relationship with Sweden isn't he?!"

"...Finland's a slut too?" Prussia phrased it as more of a question than a statement.

"Poor Sweden!" Italy gasped, his eyes growing wide. "And poor Sealand - what's he going to do when he finds out his male-mother is cheating on his father?! Oh, it's going to make things so sad and -" Italy paused his ramble and frowned slightly. "Wait Prussia...why were  _you_ in there with them?"

There was an awkward pause.

"...Did I say 'making out'?" Prussia laughed, awkwardly. "I meant...baking! Yeah, they're making some...baked shit."

"Baked...shit?"

"Cake, alright, they're baking cake!"

Italy frowned slightly and glanced at the door. "Do they know they're not supposed to be doing that? You know, I tried making pasta on the day we first got here, but then smoke started pouring out of the door, and Germany told me I was going to set the room on fire if I didn't stop! He told me I wasn't supposed to be cooking in hotel rooms, because they weren't my property, and -"

Fuck, fuck,  _fuck._ Prussia  _had_ to get rid of this loser  _now._

" - Hey Prussia, by the way,  _have_ you seen Germany anywhere? He seems to have disappeared off the face of the -"

"Fine!" Prussia cried, his voice slightly tinged with panic. "You wanna have a seance? Let's go and have a fucking seance!"

Without waiting for an answer from the other nation, Prussia latched onto his arm and began to drag him down the corridor, letting out a string of curses under his breath.

Neither nation noticed the door behind them opening, or the small figure creeping out and following them down the corridor.

If they had they probably would have screamed, both for completely different reasons.

...

"BABY I CAN SEE YOUR HALO - I'LL PRAY IT DON'T FADE AWAY -"

"I don't understand!" America wailed, as Poland belted out the lyrics to the music currently playing. "Where's that woman's voice coming from?!"

"Oh America," Finland said, trying to calm the frightened nation. "Look, it's fine, it's coming from -"

"Is there a ghost in here?!" America cuddled up to Finland, his entire form trembling. "Is she going to hurt us?"

"Of course not!" Finland said, quickly. "America, there's no ghost here, I promise okay? Look -" He paused and shot Poland an irritated look. "Could you  _please_ turn that music off?" he growled.

"But like, I'm having my booty-licious-Beyonce-time!" Poland complained. "Don't I like, deserve it after everything I've like, been through today?!"

America let out a choked sob.

"Turn it off!" Finland snapped.

Shooting him a glare, Poland reached down and switched off the music. America uncurled himself from Finland's side and glanced around the room, cautiously.

"Did the ghost go away?" he asked in a small voice.

"You like, did that on purpose!" Poland cried, pointing and accusing finger in America's direction. "I'm like  _on to you!"_

"What?" America looked confused. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, sweetheart," Finland said, soothingly. "Poland is just being an idiot."

"He and Holy Roman Empire are like, totally out to get me!" Poland wailed. "I knew from the moment that he like, threw up on me! He may have had me like, under his spell at the time but - I'm like, totally immune to him now!"

"What spell?" America cocked his head to the side, looking confused. "I don't know how to do spells - you should speak to Big Brother about that."

"See what he's like, trying to do!" Poland cried. "He's like, trying to trick us into taking him to England! Well I'm like, totally not falling for that! Good-guy Poland is like, totally gone!"

Finland paused and glanced around the room, a look of dread spreading across his face.

"Guys..." he said, slowly. "Where...where is Germany?"

There was a momentary pause; then Poland collapsed to his knees, letting out an agonized wail.

...

"Right," Austria said, shakily. "So...a seance."

Everyone stared at him.

"A seance," he repeated.

"He's a little broken," Hungary said, shooting Prussia an apologetic smile. Prussia noted that she too looked pale and shaky.

Well - at least  _some_ good had come of all this mess.

"I think all of you losers are insane," Prussia told them. "But Italy was pissing me off, so let's get this over and done with, alright?"

Hungary frowned slightly but shrugged her shoulders. "Alright," she said.

"So how should we start this?" Austria asked, refusing to meet anyone's eyes, as if he were ashamed for even speaking the words.

No one replied.

"Prussia?" Italy asked, hesitantly.

"I don't know!" Prussia snapped. "I mean, this was  _your_ idea, wasn't it? You should have the details worked out!"

"We  _do,"_ Hungary shot back, defensively. "See - we got a ouija board from England -"

"Wait,  _what?!"_

Hungary shot Prussia an odd look. "I said, we got a ouija board from England. I mean, you usually need one of those for these things -"

"I know, I know." Prussia took a deep breath. "But...you got it from  _England?"_

"Yes..." Hungary frowned slightly, looking confused by Prussia's reaction.

"I mean...what did you  _tell_ him?" Prussia demanded. "You didn't...say any of this shit about Holy Roman Empire, did you?"

"Of course not!" Austria spluttered, looking mortified at the mere thought. "We just - said we wanted it to..." He coughed, awkwardly.

"That was basically out excuse," Hungary interjected.

"And England just handed his board over to you, no arguments?" Prussia raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Of course - in fact he was thrilled to have someone actually  _interested_ in all that...voodoo stuff." Hungary's lips curled up in slight amusement. "In fact, he also gave us all these talismans that apparently 'ward off evil spirits.' Austria's wearing them right now."

Prussia turned his head, blinking in surprise at the sight of the pendants, rings, and other weird objects that covered Austria's form.

"You never know!" he snapped, defensively.

"So yes," Hungary interrupted. "We have our ouija board - what else do we need?"

"I dunno, I'm not the expert on seance's," Prussia snorted.

"Do you think we should bring England in here?" Italy asked.

"Don't make me punch you," Prussia snapped.

Hungary, Italy and Austria stared at him in confusion.

"Let's just...get on with things, okay? This is getting un-awesome."

"Okay." Italy settled himself into a comfortable position on the floor. "Maybe we should ask it a question."

Prussia frowned. "As  _what_ a question?"

"The board," Italy responded.

Prussia stared at him. "...Italy, it's a  _board."_

"The board will let us get in contact with any spirits in this room!" Austria snapped, and then turned red almost immediately.

"Right..." Prussia coughed.

"Um..." Hungary sat forward, trying to lean as close to the board as she could. "Um...could you please tell us if um...Holy Roman Empire is in the room?"

_"Who_ are you talking to?" Prussia asked, staring at her blankly.

Hungary blushed slightly. "You know...whoever deals with these type of things!"

Prussia snorted. "Okay, nothing happened. Can I go now?"

It was then that there was a loud  _'BANG!'_ followed by the lights going out.

...

Germany was  _sick_ of this.

He'd heard the Italian man's voice outside of the bedroom door and, despite Finland's assurances that it was nothing, he'd manage to make the connection. He'd snuck out in the hopes of catching up to the man and  _demanding_ that he tell him where his one true love was.

So far, his plan (or what little of a plan he had) wasn't working in his favour. Prussia and the Italian man had disappeared into the hotel room, and the door handle was too high up for him to reach.

Germany scowled up at it, trying unsuccessfully to reach it. He hurled himself up, trying to snatch on to the brass handle, but ended up falling down again.

He let out an irritated huff and tried again; once again he fell to the floor.

Germany sat back and took a deep breath; he needed to get into his room. Italy needed him! With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and pictured everything that rested upon him  _opening that horrible door!_ Finding Italy...finding Italy...finding Italy...really, what else did he  _need_ as motivation?

He hurled himself through the air and felt his fingers curl around the round handle. With a cry of excitement, Germany twisted eagerly at the handle. Considering the fact that he was dangling in mid-air...that  _probably_ hadn't been the best idea.

The door swung open and Germany let out a loud yelp, fumbling around for something to grip on to, as he felt his hands slipping. He felt his hand slam against something and the room was suddenly plunged into darkness.

Germany let out a yelp and tumbled to the floor.

...

As the lights went out Prussia heard Austria emit a loud, girly scream. A moment later there was a soft  _'thud!'_

"Italian man?" called out that  _fucking-awful-cursed-dreaded-voice._ Prussia resisted the urge to scream out loud; why the  _hell_ did this keep happening?!

"Oh my god!" Hungary moaned. "Oh my god - what - how - oh my - Austria, hand over those talismans -"

Prussia threw himself up and stumbled through the darkness, fumbling around for something to hold on to as he walked forward, as blind as a bat. His hand connected with flesh and he grabbed on tight, waiting to hear the response from the person.

"Prussia!" hissed that  _fucking-awful-cursed-dreaded-voice._ "Let go of me! I have to talk to the -"

Prussia yanked him forward and fumbled for the door-handle; he yanked the struggling child out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"You," he snarled, shooting Germany a deadly look. "Are going to  _fucking_ suffer, you hear me?! Do you  _not_ understand simple instructions?! How the  _hell_ did  _you_  turn into the biggest goody-two-shoes in this screwed-up world?! It makes no sense!"

"I have to talk to the Italian man!" Germany wailed. "Just let me have one conversation -"

"No!" Prussia dragged him down the corridor. "You're coming back to the room with me! Goddammit West - is this payback for that time I used all your money to buy a strip club? I swear, it was for the greater good -"

...

Italy was sobbing loudly.

Hungary felt sorry for him and she would have taken the time to comfort him, if she was so freaked out herself.

Beside her, Austria was rocking back and forth, looking like he wanted to throw up. Hungary just hope he projected it at Italy and not her.

"Prussia's gone," she whispered. "Do you think...something bad happened to him?"

"I don't care," Austria moaned. "I just want to know what I did to deserve being haunted by that miscreant! I'm a good nation - Hungary, I'm a good nation, aren't I?"

"You're a good nation," Hungary murmured, slightly absent-minded.

"Then why won't he leave me alone?!"

"...How come Holy Roman Empire isn't in heaven?" Hungary sat up straighter, frowning slightly. "I mean...he should be, right? He should be in peace, up in heaven..."

"Dammit woman, have your priorities straight!" Austria spat. "I just want to know why he has to be haunting  _us?!_ Why not Prussia?!"

"Prussia's missing," Hungary reminded him.

This seemed to terrify Austria more than actually comfort him.

Italy had stopped crying; while letting out the occasional sniff, a frown crossed his face.

"Holy Roman Empire isn't happy?" he asked, in a small voice. "But...Holy Roma should be happy! Holy Roma  _deserves_ to be happy!"

"I know, Ita," Hungary said, softly. "I think he does too."

"I want him to be happy too - far away from me!"

Both of them chose to ignore Austria's comment.

"We have to do something!" Italy said, shakily. "Holy Roma can't wander earth for the rest of his eternity! He needs to go to a happy place!"

Hungary leaned forward and wrapped Italy into a tight embrace.

"We  _will_ do something," she murmured, her voice slightly choked. "Family don't abandon each other!"

_"I just want to be ghost-free!"_ Austria wailed.

They chose to ignore that as well.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

"So whose going to look after the kids today?" Finland asked, staring at Prussia and Poland, both of whom stared back, blankly.

"So?" he pressed.

"I'm not," Prussia growled. "I've had to deal with  _him -"_ He jerked a finger in Germany's direction. " - for much too long. I'm out."

"I like, almost totally like,  _died_ after the last time," Poland sniffed. "My fabulous self can't like, handle the stress."

_"I_ had to look after them all night yesterday," Finland pointed out, his voice taking on a slightly dangerous edge.

"Yeah and what an  _awesome_ job you did!" Prussia snorted. "You almost screwed things up for all of us!"

"For you!" Finland shot back. "If it were up to me I'd tell -" His voice cut off and he shook his head.

"What?" Prussia snapped, narrowing his eyes at the other nation.

"Nothing," Finland snapped.

"Tell me!" Prussia growled. His eyes narrowed further. "Are you threatening to sabotage the cause?!"

"... _What_ cause?" Finland asked, bewildered.

"Like, you can't tell England!" Poland wailed. "He'd like, totally turn us into like, something totally gross and ugly, like... _worms!_ Like, oh my god, I'm too fabulous to be a worm! Don't let him turn me into a worm!"

"Shut  _up!"_ Prussia groaned. "Why the fuck can't anyone be  _normal?!"_

_"I_ am trying to be  _normal_ as you say, and figure out who's going to look after the kids!" Finland snapped. "Seriously, am I going to have to do it?!"

"Yes!" Poland and Prussia chorused.

Finland narrowed his eyes. "Oh for  _gods -"_

"Don't fight!" America interrupted, his eyes growing wide. "You're always fighting - why can't we all get along?!"

Germany patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.

Finland's hostile expression immediately softened. "No matter what Sweetie, we still love you," he cooed.

"...Dude," Prussia snorted. "I sure as hell don't love that twerp."

"Like, don't say that!" Poland gasped, his eyes growing wide. "They...they'll like, probably get revenge on us or something! Oh my god - no!"

"Are you fucking out of your mind?!" Prussia groaned.

"I'm like, losing control," Poland whimpered. "Next thing you know I'll like, be locked up in an institution somewhere. Oh my total God...I'm too fab for an institution!"

"Poland, calm down!" Finland snapped. "Look, I'll stay with them alright? How does that sound?!"

"Fucking awesome!" Prussia responded, grinning widely. He leapt up. "See you later, losers!"

The distressed look faded from Poland's face and he bolted out of the room.

...

"I really want my one true love," Germany sighed, loudly. "I think maybe the Italian man -"

"Germany," Finland interrupted, sounding exhausted.  _"Please_ don't start that again!"

"Whose Germany?" he asked, sounding confused. "I don't understand...why does everyone keep calling me that?"

"Yeah," America chirped. "His name's Holy...Holy..." His brow furrowed slightly. "Well...we all call me Ho. Except for Italy - she calls him Holy Roma -"

"Just forget I said anything," Finland cut him off. "I'm...forgetful sometimes."

"It's okay," Germany responded. "I hear that old people usually forget things."

Finland silently prided himself on stopping his eye from twitching in irritation at the comment.

"I just really want to find my Italy," Germany said, after a brief pause. "Did I mention how her radiance glows -"

"Germany," Finland cut him off  _again._ "I -"

"Germany?"

"Holy Roman Empire," Finland amended. "Look, sweetie, I  _know_ you miss Italy but - well, I miss someone too, alright?"

America's head snapped up at that; Germany looked curious.

"Really?" he asked. "Who?"

"Su-san." Finland smiled slightly. "We usually spend every day together but ever since this started, I've barely had anytime to spend with him!"

And okay sure...it really hadn't been that long. But this was a stressful situation and Finland needed his anti-stress relief.

"So..." Germany frowned. "...Who exactly is he?"

"Eh? Oh..." Finland blushed slightly. "Well you know...he's like...my best friend, I guess. I care for him a lot."

"You're best friend?" America cocked his head to the side. "So...like England is to me?"

"Oh no!" Finland shook his head, quickly. "No, no...I mean, you and England are brothers! Su-san and I...aren't."

"So like me and Italy?" Germany questioned.

Finland's cheeks burned brighter. "No...I mean, no, not like that at all! Su-san is...er...we're friends! We are very, very good friends..."

Germany nodded his head. "Like me and Italy."

"Eh..."

"Can we meet him sometime?" America asked, eagerly.

Finland sighed and shook his head. "As much as I'd love too...I don't think Prussia would like that too much."

America pouted. "I don't like Prussia!" he complained. "He won't let me see my big brother!"

Finland patted the child on his head. "You know, America," he sighed. "If it were up to me, I'd take you to England."

America's face lit up slightly. "Really?"

"Yeah..." Finland sighed. "Too bad I'm kind of in the minority with that vote."

America smiled up at him. "You know...you're my favourite," he murmured.

Finland smiled brightly.

"...Well other than England," America amended. "Sorry, but he'll  _always_ be my favourite - and I like Canada more too, because he's pretty fun when he actually exists. And I like France too because he always makes great food, and he never thinks I'm crazy when I tell him about Canada - England always tells me I'm too old for imaginary friends!"

"Oh..." Finland let out a small laugh. "Well that's just -"

"And there's this really nice old lady who lives close by and she is  _so_ nice! I'd like you both the same, except she makes yummy cookies, so I like her more - sorry."

"It's alright," Finland laughed. "As long as I'm next on your list."

"...No sorry." America shrugged. "The old lady has a grandson who's really fun to play with! I think that cookie-making runs in the family, so he'll probably be able to make really yummy cookies too when he grows up!"

"Well okay then," Finland said. "I guess that means -"

"...And after that I have to list his horse." America smiled slightly. "It's a really pretty colour."

"Okay," Finland sighed. "Am I at least after the animal?"

"...Somewhere around there," America responded, after a brief pause.

"I just love my Italy," Germany sighed. He frowned suddenly, looking determined. "You know what I think we should do?! I think we should declare war on Prussia - how dare he keep us away from our lovers -"

"Lovers?" Finland spluttered, his eyes growing wide.

"...Yes." Germany looked slightly confused. "People that you love very much...like your family and friends! And like my Italy!"

_"Oh_ you mean loved ones!" Finland's shoulders slumped slightly. "Thank god..."

"Is England my lover?" America asked, blankly.

"No!" Finland said, hurriedly. "He's a  _loved one..._ Ger - er, Holy Roman Empire was just mistaken."

"Are we declaring war on Prussia are not?" Germany demanded.

"No, of course not!" Finland responded. "Holy Roman Empire, it's not good to declare war on people!"

Germany snorted. "What sort of nation are you?"

Finland flushed slightly. "Okay, unless you have a good reason - and Italy is  _not_ a good reason...unless of course you were allied with him and if that was the case I guess it would be okay...I mean if Italy were declaring war on Prussia, or vise versa. Which isn't happening - so no attacking  _anyone."_

"But it's not fair!" Germany wailed.

Finland shrugged. "Tough." In a lower voice he added, "plus, I don't think it's possible to declare war on a nation that no longer exists..."

...

"Okay loser," Prussia hissed. "We are  _going_ to get that book back...soon. Understand?"

Poland, who was leaning close to Prussia, completing the perfect image of a conspiring pair, responded, "understand - and I'm like, too fabulous to be a loser."

"Whatever," Prussia snorted. "Anyway, that un-awesome England probably didn't bring the book like the last time so...we'll have to do it later. When he's not around."

"Totally," Poland agreed.

"Um excuse me...Poland?" squeaked a voice. The two nations whipped around, their eyebrows raising at the sight of Liechtenstein, who was ringing her hands nervously.

"Like, yeah?" Poland asked.

"Um..." Liechtenstein blushed. "I just...wanted to say that I think you and England are lovely together, and I think you would make a very nice couple, and you don't have to hide anymore! We all except it and - um..." She leaned in closer and whispered, "I think Big Brother's getting a bit annoyed that you keep...doing stuff on the furniture. And you know how Big Brother is when he's mad."

She leaned away and shot Poland another cheery smile, before walking off in the opposite direction.

Poland stared.

"...Huh?" he uttered. "Wha - like...huh?"

"Never mind," Prussia responded, swiftly. He  _really_ didn't need to deal with the fallout when Poland heard about his little lie. "Come on, we need to conspire."

"What does she like, mean about me and England?!" Poland demanded. "Like... _what_ is going on?!"

"Loser! Focus!" Prussia growled.

"My god, can't you keep your voices down?!" England growled, appearing behind the arguing duo.

"What did Liechtenstein like, mean about me and you?!" Poland wailed at him.

"Oh dammit, don't bring that up!" England snarled. He shot a vicious glare at Prussia. "I do  _not_ need a reminder of all the  _well-wishers_ that approached me this morning."

_"What_ well wishers?!" Poland wailed.

"Never mind," England interrupted. "Have either of you seen America anywhere? It's been a while since I last saw the git and..." His voice trailed off and he narrowed his eyes. "Why are you two looking so strange?"

Poland and Prussia simultaneously tried to hide their nervous expressions.

"Suspicious?" Prussia laughed. "What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Like, total lol's, us  _suspicious?!_ Like, oh my total god England, what are you like,  _on?!"_ Poland choked out, faking near hysteric laughter.

"Fuck, is  _everyone_ in this room  _insane?!"_

"...Alright then..." England blinked. "Well...have you er...seen him then?"

"Don't you understand english?!" Prussia retorted. "I mean, it's your un-awesome language, isn't it?! You should know it!"

"Totally!" Poland chirped. "Like, why don't you know your own language England? Huh? Huh? Why don't you -"

"Stop acting like idiots!" England snapped. "My god, what the hell is  _wrong_ with you two?!"

"So you haven't seen America?" Canada asked, appearing behind England. Poland, Prussia and England all simultaneously jumped in alarm.

"My word!" England gasped, clutching his chest. "My boy - who on earth are  _you?_ How did you get here?!"

"Like, oh my god, maybe ghosts  _do_ exist," Poland whispered.

"I'm Canada!" Canada responded, hotly.

"...You do realize this is a private conference, don't you?" England's eyes narrowed. "Young man, there are some rather big consequences for -"

"I'm a nation!" Canada snapped.

"Nation," Prussia laughed, nervously. "What the fuck are you talking about? What nations? I don't see any nations around here! Wow, this room really fucks with a person's mind, doesn't it?"

Canada sighed loudly. "Oh for God's sake Prussia -"

"LIKE, TOTAL NATIONAL SECURITY PROBLEM!" Poland shrieked, pointing furiously at Canada. "THIS GUY LIKE, KNOWS WHO WE ARE! SOMEONE LIKE  _CALL SOMEONE!"_

Alarmed cries exploded throughout the room.

"No, no!" Canada cried. "I'm Canada!  _Canada!"_

"A likely story, aru," China snorted from nearby.

...

"I told you I was a nation," Canada growled, around an hour later, as the loud crowd of security slowly poured out of the room.

"Well how were we supposed to know that?!" England retorted. "For all we knew, you could have been a spy!"

"You  _raised me!"_ Canada snapped.

England snorted. "Now, now, I understand you're angry, but there's no reason to make up preposterous lies!"

France leaned over and whispered something into England's ear; England blinked in realization.

"Oh  _Canada!"_ He let out a laugh and patted the irritated nation on the head. "Well, why didn't you just say so?!"

Canada let out an annoyed huff, and turned to Poland and Prussia.

"You guys haven't seen America, have you?" he asked. "I'm kind of worried - I haven't seen him at all since the first meeting we had, and it's really not like him to skip these things..."

"Why would we know?" Prussia retorted.

Canada shrugged. "I dunno - your brother's kind of gone too. I just thought you might have had some idea where they went -"

"What makes you say my brother went anywhere?!" Prussia glared at him. "God, what is up with all the un-awesome assumptions people make around here?!"

Canada frowned. "I was just -"

"You know," France interrupted, leaning forward. "Maybe those two eloped together!"

"Oh France, you're too funny," Spain laughed, wondering over. "Why on earth would you say that?"

"Well, they're both gone, aren't they?" France smirked slightly. "What other reason is there, other than one of love?"

"...Si, I see it now!" Spain's eyes glowed. "Oh...how romantic it must have been!"

"Perhaps at midnight, with candles to light up the room!" France gushed.

"Just like my future wedding to Romano will be..." Spain let out a dreamy sigh.

"I wonder who wore the wedding dress?"

"If you don't shut up, I'm sending both of you to mental institutions!" Prussia snapped, glaring viciously at them.

Spain and France stared at him.

"Prussia, what is  _wrong_ with you lately?!" France demanded. "You are acting, as the American's like to say it...like a jerk."

"An awesome jerk?" Prussia asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"No," Spain and France responded, simultaneously.

"...Well you guys are acting un-awesome!" Prussia stood up, angrily. "You...you keep questioning me about America and West!"

"No one asked  _you_ anything about them!" France snapped, his eyes narrowing. "Why... _do_ you know something?"

"No!" Prussia snapped. "Do I  _look_ like I'd know anything about those two disappearing?! Or you know...doing whatever they are doing...because I don't know if they have disappeared or not."

"...You're hiding something," Spain stated.

_"Paranoia!"_ Prussia jabbed an accusing finger in Spain's direction. "It's the first sign of madness!"

_"You_ are looking like you have  _all_ the signs of madness!" France cried, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeah well..." Prussia fumbled around for words. "...This isn't awesome enough for me!"

"Prussia!" France snapped. "Why do you have to keep insulting us?! We only want to know the truth!"

_"No!_ " Prussia roared. "I mean - there is no truth! Stop asking me! I don't know anything about America or Germany!"

France narrowed his eyes and sat forward. "So it  _is_ something to do with America and Germany?"

"Yeah, if there's something, you need to tell us," Canada, who had been silent up until now, piped in.

_"NO!"_ Prussia howled. "I  _never_ said anything about those losers! You...you... _HALLUCINATIONS!"_ He waved a frustrated hand towards the bewildered crowd standing in front of him.

"I'm too awesome for this!" he snarled, throwing himself up and storming off in the other direction. "Goodbye un-awesome people who I  _ONCE_ considered to be awesome!"

"Like, same goes for me!" Poland piped up, hurrying off after Prussia.

Everyone stared.

"...I am so bloody sick of these meetings," England muttered under his breath.

"He's up to something," France muttered, narrowing his eyes.

...

"Are you okay?"

Italy glanced up, startled by the sound of the voice that interrupted his inner monologue. Denmark stood in front of him, his eyebrows raised.

"You've kind of been looking like you want to piss yourself all day," Denmark told him, settling into the empty chair beside him (Austria had been sitting next to him, but he'd been constipated for the third time that day and had hurried off to the bathroom - the whole situation really wasn't working for him).

"I'm fine," he muttered.

"Yeah, no you aren't," Denmark responded. "Hungary's going around telling everyone that Holy Roman Empire is back from the dead and that we need to rally around to help him get back to heaven - shit like that, really."

"It's true," Italy sniffed. "Holy Roma  _is_ back from beyond the grave...and I don't know how to help him!"

Denmark grinned slightly. "Yeah that's why I'm here - listen, I was watching those cool ghost hunter shows, and I think it'd be pretty cool to send ghosts back to where they came from, don't you?"

Italy stared at him, blankly.

"And I reckon I'd be the perfect guy for the job," Denmark continued, the same wide grin on his face. "So what do you say? Can we hold an exorcism for Holy Roman Empire?"

"...An exorcism?" Italy blinked in confusion. "...I thought that to do with possessed people..."

"Eh, whatever." Denmark shrugged. "Exorcism, the kick-ass banishing of ghosts...it's all the same really."

"I don't know," Italy muttered frowning. "I mean, will it hurt him?"

"Course not," Denmark laughed. "I mean sure, the holy water might burn him a little -"

"That's for vampires you idiot," Norway muttered, appearing behind Denmark's shoulder.

" - But then the sunlight would do a whole lot worse to him, so he shouldn't be complaining," Denmark continued, ignoring Norway completely.

_"Vampires,"_ Norway repeated.

"So?" Denmark leaned forward, eagerly. "Can I hold an exorcism?"

"It's not an exorcism!"

"Norge, stop ruining my fun," Denmark complained. He gazed expectantly at Italy, waiting for an answer.

"...Fine," Italy murmured, still looking uncertain. "I mean, it'll help Holy Roma, right?"

"Course!" Denmark leaned back, beaming in excitement. "I'm totally a pro at this - I'll have Holy Roman Empire back to where he came from, and all before the next full moon!"

"That's  _werewolves_ you idiot!"

 


	14. Chapter 14

"Okay, so this is the plan," Prussia said. Poland and Finland listened intently. "Finland - you are going to hang here and do what you do best: babysit the brats."

"Brilliant," Finland muttered, sarcastically.

"Loser - and by that I mean Poland - you will lock yourself in a closet. Or throw yourself out a window. Or jump under a train - anything to get you out of my life."

"Can I like, listen to some more of my booty-licious Beyonce jams?"

"As long as you aren't in this country."

Poland thought for a moment. "I hear Australia is like, squeal-worthy at this time of year."

"Like I said," Prussia responded, "as long as you aren't in this country."

"Okay," Finland snapped. "I'm babysitting, Poland's going to Australia - and what will  _you_ be doing, huh?"

"Getting the book from England's room," Prussia responded.  _"Duh -_ I mean, that's the whole point of this, right? And that's  _much_ to important for either of you two losers to do."

"Right, right, and you're the best of us all right?" Finland narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"Naturally." Prussia frowned slightly. "Okay seriously loser, what's up with you?"

"Oh nothing," Finland responded. "I'm just peachy - can't you tell? I mean, I just  _love_ every  _second_ of all this!"

Prussia blinked for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it's not really my thing, but whatever floats your boat -"

_"I was being sarcastic!"_ Finland glared, viciously. "Prussia I  _hate_ this! You're dealing with this  _horribly,_ you won't take any of my suggestions - I don't even know why I'm still sticking around!"

"Uh...because you have no choice?"

"No! No I  _do_ have a choice!" Finland snapped. "I can leave if I really wanted to -  _I_ didn't cause this mess after all! The only reason I'm staying is because both of you don't know  _anything_ about parenting and I don't want those kids to suffer!"

"...Okay great." Prussia turned to Poland. "So, after I get the book -"

"You know what I think?" Finland said, cutting Prussia off. "I think...I think we should tell England."

There was a brief pause.

"...No." Prussia once again turned back to Poland. "So -"

"Prussia!" Finland glared at him. "Look, America really misses him, alright? It's making him really upset - and I mean, would it really be that bad? England would be able to help us!"

"I said no, okay?! I don't want that loser getting involved!"

"Well I  _do!"_ Finland let out a cry of frustration. "I just  _hate_ seeing a child so distressed - don't you feel  _horrible_ when America wants England so badly, and we just keep breaking his little heart?!"

"...No."

"Like, don't I get a say in this?!" Poland cried. "My opinion like, totally matters too! Like, maybe  _I'd_ like to be asked about all of this for once! Like, I'm totally -"

"God  _shut the fuck up!"_

There was a moment of silence as the three nations sat, glaring viciously at each other. Finland was the one to finally break the moment, standing up and making his way to the door.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Prussia spat.

"Out," Finland responded, coldly. "I'm done here -  _you_ take some responsibility for once, I've been doing everything around here!"

He exited through the door and slammed it behind him.

"...Like, there goes our only hope of survival," Poland whispered.

"Oh shut up," Prussia snapped, glaring at the spot where Finland had been standing moments before. "As if we need that loser. The plan still stays the same, only now  _you_ can look after the kids."

"What?!" Poland shot him a panicked look. "But...what about Australia?! Like, what about my booty-licious jams?!"

"Work something out." Prussia stood up and stretched. "Watch the brats for me, alright? I need a nap."

"I like, want a divorce," Poland muttered.

...

Finland was pissed. He was  _seriously_ pissed.

He didn't often feel this...negative. Sure, he'd felt a slight spark of anger during those early days when Sweden had referred to him as his 'wife' - although that had mostly been embarrassment. And okay, maybe there were moments when he'd felt like ripping out Denmark's eyeballs and feeding them to Hanatamago (although he always hid that  _really_ well).

Since all this mess had started, Finland had found himself sinking into bucket loads of anger with each day that past. Between Prussia, and Poland, and - despite the fact that it made him feel guilty to think it - America and Germany, he was going  _insane._

"Fn'lnd?"

Finland glanced up - after he'd stormed out of Prussia's room, he'd made an immediate beeline for the room he'd been staying in before Prussia had essentially held him hostage. Sweden stood in the doorway, staring at him with a curious expression (well as curious as Sweden could look without changing his expression too drastically).

"Hey Su-san," Finland said, his voice still despondent.

"Y' alright?"

"Yeah..." Finland stared blankly at his 'husband' for a few long moments, and then let out a loud sigh. "No."

Sweden walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Haven't seen y' m'ch lately," he said, frowning slightly. "Y'v been spn'ding a lot o' t'me w'th Pr'ssia n' Poland."

"Yeah...trust me, I haven't been a happy Finland lately." Finland stretched and frowned slightly, thinking for a moment.

"Su-san," he said, slowly. "I think...I'm going to tell you something...something a bit crazy, but nonetheless true."

Sweden nodded his head.

"And...before I start, I'm not crazy, alright? Not yet anyway."

"Y' could n'ver b' crazy," Sweden told him. "Least n't b'fore D'nmark."

Finland considered that statement. "...True," he said, at last. "But still, this is going to sound weird. You see - America and Germany have been...turned into kids."

Sweden didn't even blink. "I know."

Finland stared at him, his jaw dropping open slightly. "Wha...huh?" He blinked. "How do you...I mean... _how...?"_

"W'll I d'nt know 'bout 'merica," Sweden amended. "But I saw y' sneakin' out w'th Germany at th' meeting and pieced things together."

"...And you immediately realized the child was Germany?" Finland blinked, looking slightly bewildered. "How?"

"He was a kid that looked l'k Germany," Sweden responded. "Not the strangest th'ng I've ev'r seen."

Finland opened his mouth to respond and then closed it; to be fair, Sweden  _was_ acquainted with Denmark, and had been even longer than him.

"Makes sense," he said.

Sweden nodded his head and leaned against the bed; Finland let out a small sigh.

"So now you know," he murmured. "And...anyway, Prussia's the one who screwed thing up - he'd gotten some spell from England or something. I don't know...but anyway, he dragged me into that mess and now...I don't know what to do."

"Y' want t' help?" Sweden asked.

"I don't know," Finland sighed. "I mean...I honestly don't care what Poland and Prussia do, but I can't abandon America and Germany! They're just kids now!"

"I'm surprised Eng'lnds n't helpin' out," Sweden told him.

"Oh that's the thing," Finland laughed, bitterly. "Prussia won't let us tell  _anyone -_ he'd probably hang me if he knew I was telling you."

"B't y' are," Sweden responded. "And he can't do anythin' 'bout it, can he? S' why don't y' do what y' have t'?"

Finland frowned. "So you're saying...I should tell England?"

Sweden shrugged. "If y' think that's best."

Finland stared at him for a few moments; then he smiled.

"You know what?" He stood up. "You're right - this has gone on long enough. I'm going to tell England!"

Reaching out, Finland quickly hugged Sweden; Sweden stiffened for a moment and then awkwardly hugged back.

"Thanks Su-san," Finland said, happily. "I think I'm in a better mood than I've been ever since Prussia first approached me!"

"That's f'ne," Sweden muttered, slightly embarrassed.

...

"Who needs that loser," Prussia said, grinning widely. "We're managing fine on our own! That loser wasn't anything special!"

"Like, totally!" Poland responded. "We like, totally have this covered - Finland's like, the one whose lost here."

"Yeah!" Prussia snorted. "While that loser gets to hang out with his loser friends and continue his loser life, we...we get to hang here and...look after the brats..."

For a moment neither of them spoke.

"...We'll get our freedom as soon as we get that book from England," Prussia muttered.

"Like, totally." Poland nodded his head. He turned to America and narrowed his eyes slightly. "You and the other demon gotta like, behave alright? I don't think I can like, handle any more stress."

America frowned slightly. "But...Ho's gone."

Prussia and Poland stared at him.

"...What?"

"Ho's gone." America lifted his eyes to meet theirs. "He wanted to find Italy so he...left the room."

"And you're only telling us now?!" Prussia snarled.

America shrugged. "Ho's my friend."

"Like, why?!" Poland sobbed, sinking to his knees. "Why does this like, keep  _happening?!_ I totally always hated deja vu!"

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

"So the plan is, we find the book," Prussia told Poland as they walked down the hallway, "we get the right spell, we turn the brats back into their normal annoying selves, and then everything goes back to normal."

"But like, the little demon is roaming the hallways somewhere!" Poland whimpered, his eyes growing wide. "He like, could be  _anywhere_ right now, totally planning our downfall! What are we going to  _do?!"_

"We don't have time to look for the brat!" Prussia snapped. "We need to find the book - the sooner we find it, the sooner we can end this mess."

"But...like, what if the demon like, does something really, really bad?" Poland shuddered slightly.

"The only way we can fix this is if we find that book," Prussia responded. "It doesn't matter if we have the brat, if we don't have the book he'll stay in his annoying-kid-form. If we have the book we can end this mess - it's as simple as that."

"Fine," Poland sighed. "Like, let's go then...wait like, where are we going?"

"To hell," Prussia responded.

Poland stared at him.

"To England's room," Prussia elaborated.

Poland paled. "I can't like, go into England's room!" he wailed. "Everyone thinks I'm like, totally screwing him! What if someone like, sees my coming out of his bedroom.  _What will they like, think?!"_

"Oh calm down, loser," Prussia said, rolling his eyes. "I'll be with you."

"That doesn't help!" Poland wailed. "They'll just like, think I'm screwing you too! Oh my total god,  _they'll think I'm having a threesome!"_

Prussia frowned. "If I ever had a threesome, it wouldn't be with a loser like you, and it sure as  _hell_ wouldn't include Eyebrows!"

"Like, oh my god, I can't handle the pressure," Poland wailed. "I can't like, deal with this! I feel like my life is like, totally crumbling around me - what am I like, supposed to do?!"

"Go to England's room," Prussia supplied, unhelpfully.

_"That like, doesn't help me!"_

_..._

"I don't know about this," Austria muttered, tightening his arms around himself. "Who knows what that menace could do to us?!"

"Austria!" snapped Hungary, looking slightly appalled. "This is Holy Roman Empire we're talking about, for godsake! That little boy could never do anything to harm us, and shame on you for even thinking it!"

"...I was talking about Denmark."

"Oh..." Hungary lowered her eyes, awkwardly.

Austria's expression darkened further. "But now, since we're on the topic of  _that_ menace -"

"They're here!" Italy announced, leaping upwards excitedly. "Look, look, Denmark's here! Oh, and Norway and Iceland too! Ciao guys!"

"I don't want to be here," Norway groused, staring angrily at Denmark's back. "I  _told_ him that I didn't want to be here..."

"Why am I holding holy water?" Iceland asked, to no one in particular.

"Right, so, let's do this thing!" Denmark said, eagerly. Norway winced and clenched his fists slightly.

"Hold on a second," Austria snapped. "What exactly do you intend on doing, hmm?"

"Mr. Austria, it's alright, Denmark knows what he's doing!" Italy beamed at the blonde nation. "I'm sure you've done this heaps of times before, right?"

Denmark blinked. "Uh - sure. Heaps of times. Yeah."

"Why me?" Norway muttered.

"So what exactly is this supposed to do?" Austria demanded.

"It'll get rid of your ghost-guy - Holy Roman Empire." Denmark nodded his head.

Hungary frowned slightly. "You won't hurt him, will you?"

"Course not!" Denmark responded.

"Good," Hungary said, "because if you did, I'd have to kill you - you know that, right?"

"God woman, the last thing we need is  _more_ ghosts," Austria muttered.

"Alright," Iceland said, cutting off any further argument. "Can we get this done, please? There's a new episode of this tv series starting in an hour, and I don't want to miss it."

"Cough, pornography, cough," Denmark muttered.

Iceland flushed. "It's not!" he cried, heatedly.

"It's fine," Denmark responded, "I mean, when I was your age if I had been given the opportunity, I would have been all over it. I mean, the best I had was watching through the windows of unsuspecting villagers as they went at it, and that always ended badly when they caught sight of me in the mirrors -"

"God, you pervert!" Iceland cried, in horror. "And I thought France was bad!"

"Oh please, France is worse," Denmark snorted. "He'd actually try to join in."

"That's just -"

"But the point is Icey," Denmark said. "You're a growing teenager - with a few extra decades added on of course - and it's perfectly alright to get horny -"

"Dammit!" Iceland howled. "It's not pornography!"

"I'm just saying -"

"Would both of you shut up?!" Norway snarled. He whirled on Denmark. "Denmark, I swear, if you don't shut up, I'm going to throw you out the window, got it?!"

Iceland sighed in relief.  _"Thank you."_

"You're welcome," Norway responded, but narrowed his eyes, looking at his brother with scrutiny. Iceland shuffled awkwardly under his piercing gaze.

"What?" he asked, uneasily.

"Nothing..." Norway continued to stare.

"Oh goddammit!" Iceland growled. "Don't tell me that you think I'm watching pornography too?!"

Norway glanced uneasily at his brother, before leaning in close and whispering, "Don't listen to Denmark okay?"

Iceland relaxed slightly. "Thank you -"

" - He may say it's normal but...it's not. So don't watch it Iceland, alright? Don't watch it."

Iceland stared at him, his jaw hanging open slightly.

"Excuse me!" Austria spluttered. "Have you  _completely_ forgotten us?!"

"No, don't interrupt them!" Hungary hissed. "I'm trying to pretend that they're in a massive yaoi threesome - oh don't look at me like that, this is probably the closet I'm ever going to get!"

"Denmark, just hurry up here," Norway growled.

"Right, okay, step aside boys - and girl - and former girl too, I guess..." He looked at Italy thoughtfully.

"You're planning on doing it  _here?"_ Hungary asked, raising her eyebrow in surprise.

"Sure," Denmark responded.

"But...how do you know that Holy Roma is here?" Italy asked, frowning slightly. "He could be anywhere..."

"Oh, don't you know?" Denmark responded. "Ghosts are everywhere, and in everyone..."

Austria paled slightly and took a step back.

Norway stared at him, looking slightly incredulous. "That's  _God_ you idiot."

"Oh yeah...so it is..." Denmark frowned, and then shrugged. "Eh, whatever, you can't expect me to remember all of this stuff."

"Do you even know what you're doing?!" Austria demanded.

"Of course I do!" Denmark grabbed the bottle of holy water from Iceland, and made a gesture for everyone to stand back. "Okay guys, now these might get a little wild -"

He popped off the lid and poured the content of the bottle onto the floor.

There was a moment of silence.

"Um...Denmark...?" Italy asked, hesitantly.

"Hold on a second," Denmark said, waving a hand. "This usually takes a while to work."

"Aren't you supposed to scatter it around the room?" Iceland asked, slowly.

"Icey, leave this stuff to the experts and stick to your porn, okay?" Denmark smiled placatingly at Iceland, who spluttered in rage. He turned back to the wet patch on the carpet.

"Er, I think we're suppose to say something..." He thought for a moment. "Um...okay...so...we are called here to rid ourselves of the spirit of the Holy Roman Empire."

"We want him to go somewhere nice and happy," Italy piped in.

"Somewhere we're he can be free, and joyful, and utterly adorable, and hopefully gay," Hungary added.

"We're talking to a puddle of water," Austria muttered, and everyone ignored him.

There was a brief pause.

"...Has he left?" Italy asked.

"Um..." Denmark stared blankly at the floor. "...Sure?"

"Idiot," Norway muttered.

"Hey, Holy Roman Empire, you gone yet?" Denmark asked, staring intently at the wet patch. "You know, because if you're not, then, uh...you should go now, because I'm kind of out of holy water..."

Silence.

"Holy Roman Empire...?"

"Yes?"

There was a pause. Denmark froze - as did everyone else in the room - and they all allowed their gazes to drift to the other end of the corridor.

"Oh," Hungary choked.

"Wow," Denmark muttered, staring in amazement at the blonde boy -  _Holy Roman Empire! -_ who was standing there, staring at them. "I am  _good."_

"You idiot!" Austria shrieked. "You were supposed to get rid of him, not bring him here!"

...

"You know," Prussia said, thoughtfully. "I can't help but get the feeling that we've forgotten something..."

Poland was staring off into the distance, frowning slightly.

"No seriously - I mean, I keep getting this feeling -"

"Do you like, hear that?" Poland interrupted him. Prussia paused and frowned slightly.

"What -?"

"Dear lord chap, if there's something you want to tell me then say it now! Stop dawdling!"

"...There's only one person who'd talk in that pansy-ass way," Prussia muttered. "England."

"It's like, coming from down there," Poland said, nodding his head in the general direction of the voice.

"That means that he's out of his room!" Prussia said, grinning slightly. "Awesome! Now we can get in there, get the book, maybe destroy a few of his priceless artifacts and treasures, and leave before he even notices!"

"I don't like, like the idea of him being here," Poland said. "I mean like, the demon is like, roaming these corridors. Who like, knows when England might like, come across him?"

"Loser, stop stressing me out!" Prussia snapped.

"I'm not like -"

"Well England, you see, Prussia and Poland...did something."

Both the arguing nations froze.

"...Tell me that wasn't who I thought it was," Prussia choked.

"I don't like, know," Poland responded. "Who did you like, think it was? 'Cause you like, know, I can't like, read minds or anything -"

"Finland, you idiot!" Prussia snapped.

"Oh..." Poland frowned. "Then like, yeah, it is."

"Shit!"

"You see, they -"

"Well, like, maybe he's not talking about us!" Poland said, trying to sound optimistic. "I mean like, maybe he's just...bonding with England or like, something like that!"

_"He mentioned our names!"_ Prussia snapped.

Poland's expression fell. "Well like, yeah...but -"

Ignoring him, Prussia broke out into a spring, racing towards the direction of the voices. Poland, with a loud sigh, followed in suit.

Finland stood with his back against a nearby wall, talking with England. The other nation was frowning slightly, looking more than a bit confused.

"And what I'm trying to say," Finland was saying. "Is that -"

_"FINLAND IS REALLY A WOMAN!"_ Prussia shrieked (in a completely manly way, he would insist later on) at the top of his lungs.

Both Finland and England turned to gape at him.

...

Back in the hotel room, America stared at the wall, chewing on his lip.

"Now I know how Mattie feels..." he mumbled, softly.


	16. Chapter 16

"I think I'm going to throw up," Austria choked, staring numbly at the figure standing at the end of the corridor.

"...Holy shit," Denmark whispered. "Did I mention I was good?!"

"Yes, you idiot," Norway hissed.

"Uh...I'm lost," Iceland started, staring blankly between the rest of the group and the 'ghost' (who, of course, he didn't recognize as Germany). "Why does everyone look so freaked out, and why does Austria look like he's going to vomit - uh, I mean, why has Austria just vomited?" He took a step back, looking slightly disgusted.

"That's Holy Roman Empire," Norway responded, bluntly.

"...Uh..."

"Okay! Now - Holy Roman Empire," Denmark said, taking an excited step forward. "You have  _got_ to tell me - what's the afterlife like?!"

There was a brief pause before the Germany muttered, "How should I know?"

Denmark blinked. "Uh...because you just  _came_ from there?"

"Oh god!" Hungary suddenly sobbed, her face screwing up in distress. "You...you haven't been to the afterlife yet, have you?! Oh you poor dear - you poor, poor, poor dear!"

"Dear lord," Austria whimpered, "how long have you been following us around for?!"

"Austria, you jerk!" Germany groused.

Austria flinched and took a step back.

Germany's eyes wandered away from him, breezing over the rest of the group, and coming to pause on a frozen Italy.

"Italian man!" he exclaimed, eagerly.

"Holy Roma," Italy choked, growing pale. "You - you're here..."

Germany narrowed his eyes, looking irritated. "Hey!" he growled. "You're not allowed to call me that! Only my sweet angelic Italy can call me Holy Roma!"

Italy blinked. "But I -"

"Stand back guys!" Denmark yelled, taking a step forward. "This guys getting feisty, but have no fear, the expert will calm him down!

He hurled the contents of the bottle of holy water at the unsuspecting blonde - of course, he forgot the bottle was  _empty,_ so technically, he didn't hurl anything...

Norway banged his head on the nearest hard surface he could find.

"Shit, I'm out of holy water, aren't I?" Denmark muttered.

"What happens when ghosts get angry?!" Austria demanded, completely panicked, staring at Denmark with panicked eyes.

"How should he know...?" Norway muttered. "Dammit, am I surrounded by idiots?!"

"W't's goin' on h're?"

Everyone turned to see Sweden staring at them, his eyes narrowed. There was a brief pause.

Sweden's eyes flittered across the group, and landed on it's youngest member. His gaze softened slightly.

"Oh," he said, "h'lo Germany, how are y'?"

...

_"What?!"_ Finland shrieked, his cheeks burning. "I'm not - god, I'm  _not -"_

England let out a hearty chuckle. "Oh lord, is that what you were trying to tell me?" he asked, grinning slightly.

Finland stared at him in horror.

"Oh it like, totally was," Poland said, coming to stand beside Finland. "Finland's like, totally been practicing telling you for like, ever."

"Yup," Prussia said, nodding his head in agreement (as much as he  _hated_ agreeing with a loser like Poland).

"I honestly don't know why you wanted to tell  _me_ of all people," England said, oblivious to Finland's horrified head-shaking, "but honestly, I think I always suspected it..."

Finland choked.

"I mean, just look at you - you're so bloody  _feminine,_ I'm surprised no one's ever worked it out before -"

"I'm not!" Finland whimpered.

" - And the way you act - oh,  _no wonder_ Sweden calls you his wife, he probably knew all along! Oh sweet lord, that brat Sealand knew too, didn't he? Well, that's just embarrassing - how obvious must it have been for  _him_ to have worked it out, I can't believe it took me this long -"

"Stop. Please," Finland moaned, screwing his eyes in embarrassment.

"Right then." England smiled at Finland. "I really must get going then, I was on my way outside to have a chat with my boss on the phone. But before I go - Finland, I just want you to know that I accept your little...situation, and I fully intend to keep it a secret!"

"There's no situation!" Finland protested.

"See you then!" England hummed cheerily and headed off down the corridor.

There was a long pause.

"Wow," Prussia breathed. "I am fucking  _good."_

"Like, I am a god," Poland breathed. "At least in like, this form. As soon as I become like, my fabulous female counterpart, I'm totally like, a goddess."

"Shut up," Prussia told him.

"You  _idiots,"_ Finland breathed, his eyes shining murderously. "You...you... _dammit, I hate you!"_

The two of them blinked.

"You know, it's like, so weird to see him so angry all of the time," Poland said, thoughtfully. "Like, he's usually so quiet...like, oh my total god, your like, on your period aren't you?"

_"I'm not a woman!"_

Poland frowned. "But you like, told England that -"

"No,  _you_ told him that!" Finland snapped.

"...Oh like, yeah," Poland mumbled. "Damn, that like, sucks. I was hoping to have a friend who I could like, discuss my feminine needs with."

_"You_ aren't a woman either!" Finland growled.

Poland winced. "Don't like, remind me."

"So, you want to go search for the brat while we scour through England's room?" Prussia asked Finland. "Make yourself useful instead of standing around, doing nothing."

"Oh no!" Finland shot back. "I told you, I am  _not_ helping you anymore - I'm out of this, understand?!"

He whirled around and stormed down the corridor, cursing under his breath.

"Like, seriously though," Poland said, staring after him. "He really  _does_ like, have a lot of feminine traits, don't you think?"

...

_"Really_ wish I had popcorn right now," Denmark muttered. Norway resisted the urge to bang his head on the wall  _again._

"So wait..." Hungary said, slowly. "You're trying to tell me that the ghost of Holy Roman Empire...isn't really the ghost of Holy Roman Empire?"

"Yes," Sweden responded.

"I'm missing my show," Iceland sighed.

"Pornography," Denmark muttered.

"Sh't up," Sweden told him.

Denmark did.

"How is that not Holy Roman Empire?!" Austria burst. "He looks  _exactly_ like him!"

"H'  _is_ H'ly Roman Empire," Sweden ground out. "J's n't his ghost."

"But you called him Germany!" Italy protested. "I don't understand, how can he be both?!"

Sweden was sincerely starting to wish that he hadn't chosen to walk down this corridor.

"I'm not Germany!" Germany protested, shaking his head wildly. "I'm Holy Roman Empire!"

"Exactly!" Austria announced, proudly, before paling dramatically.

"H's both," Sweden growled.

"Oh right, sure," Denmark snorted. "Because you can  _obviously_ be two people at the same time!"

Sweden's eye twitched and he clenched his fists.

"H'  _w's_ H'ly Roman Empire," he growled. "Now h's  _Germany._ Understand?!"

Everyone stared at him blankly.

"...I've got it!" Denmark said, snapping his fingers proudly. "Just like Icey's watched a bit too much porn -"

"I have  _not!"_

" - You've seen one too many episodes of Doctor Poo!"

"Doctor Who," Norway corrected. "England would  _kill_ you if he heard you call it that."

"D'nt ev'n know wha' that is," Sweden responded, stiffly.

"I'm Holy Roman Empire," Germany supplied. "Can someone tell me where my sweet angel is?"

"H's Germany," Sweden growled.

"He's Holy Roman Empire," Hungary snorted, rolling her eyes. "I think he knows who he is - right sweetie?"

Germany smiled slightly. "I missed you Hungary!"

Hungary let out a loud squeal. "Oh, can we please keep him?!" she gasped.

Austria paled. "Are you mad, woman?!"

"I thought we were supposed to send him to heaven?" Italy asked, blinking cluelessly.

_"H's n't dead!"_

Everyone turned to stare at Sweden. The nation took a loud, shuddering breath, just as Austria collapsed to the ground in a dead faint.

"Poor dear," Hungary cooed. "All this ghost stuff is really getting to him - I think the sight of  _that -"_ She gestured to Sweden's murderous expression - "was a bit too much for him."

"It's a bit too much for all of us," Denmark whimpered. "I think I just peed myself."

"H's Germany," Sweden ground out. "Understand?"

Since everyone was pretty much horrified by the sight of a furious Sweden - there was a  _reason_ everyone feared him - everyone nodded their heads, deciding not to argue with him. Even Germany decided that changing his name wasn't so bad if it meant he could avoid the wrath of the psychotic man.

"...So where's my Italy?" he asked, hesitantly.

...

A few moments later a scream could be heard down the corridor.

_"That's ridiculous! The next thing you'll be telling me is that America is really a man!"_

 


	17. Chapter 17

"So this is like, England's room," Poland mumbled, looking around. He frowned. "It's so...hotel-ish."

Prussia rolled his eyes. "That's because this is a  _hotel_ you idiot."

Poland shot him a contemptuous glance. "Like, don't be jealous just because I'm more fab than you,"

Prussia snorted and wondered into the room. "We need to find the book," he told Poland. "You start looking on that side -" He gestured in a random direction - "and I'll look through this side."

"I'm way to fabulous to be like, doing work like this," Poland complained. "Why can't we just like, hire someone?"

"We lost Finland, remember?" Prussia responded.

"No," Poland interjected, "I mean like, actually  _pay_ someone - that way they can't like, abandon us like that uncool loser did."

"...Just search the fucking room." Prussia rolled his eyes and wondered over to his side.

Poland sniffed. "I just like, had my nails done last week."

He received no response; with a scowl adorned on his face, he bent down and began to search through his side of the room.

...

"I...I don't understand," Germany moaned, shaking his head rapidly. "How can you be my sweet little angel?!"

"Is anyone else seriously confused right now?" Denmark demanded, looking back-and-forth beyween the de-aged nation and the others.

"I think we all are," Iceland responded.

Hungary shrugged. "I'm not."

Everyone turned to stare at her.

"...Certain things never end well," she said, shuffling awkwardly. "I hate to put cross-dressing into that category but - no, no, I just can't do it!"

"...That really doesn't help my confusion," Denmark muttered.

"But - you were a girl!" Germany wailed, ignoring the conversation occurring behind him in favour of staring at Italy in distress.

"No...not really," Italy responded, avoiding his eyes.

"You...you wore a dress!"

Italy coughed and shot an awkward side-ways glance at Hungary, who lifted her chin in a defensive motion.

"I'm proud of what I did!" she hissed.

"You were so beautiful!" Germany wailed.

Iceland sniffled, tears welling up in his eyes - everyone turned to stare at him incredulously.

"What?!" he snapped, defensively. "This is emotional, alright?! Stop looking at me like that!"

"Oh Holy Roma!" Italy moaned. "I'm so sorry for not telling you, I just...I never knew!"

"How the  _hell_ do you not realize that you're a guy?" Denmark muttered to Norway. The other Nordic shrugged in response.

"No seriously," he pushed, "how could you not notice -" His voice cut off and he let out a startled gasp.

Norway shot him an inquisitive glance. "What?"

_"Austria!"_

"What?!" demanded the bespectacled nation.

"You sick, sick person," Denmark cried, pointing his finger in accusation. "What the  _hell_ had you been teaching the poor kid?!"

Austria flushed beet red. "Excuse me?!" he spluttered. "How dare you insinuate that I -"

Sweden growled, his eyes flashing dangerously. Both Denmark and Austria immediately quietened down.

"...You didn't know?" Germany whispered, staring at Italy with woeful eyes.

Italy shook his head. "No," he responded, quietly. "I only found out after you..." He took a shuddering breath.

Germany stared for a moment.  _"...IT'S NOT FAIR!"_

Everyone winced at the volume, and as they did, they remembered just how  _old_ he was at the moment.

Italy let out a startled squeak. "I'm sorry Holy Roma!"

Germany pouted. "Can't you still wear a dress at least?" he pleaded, his eyes opening big and wide.

Italy blushed. "What?!"

"Oh my god - oh I can't!" Hungary let out a squeal and clamped her hand around her mouth, her eyes widening in delight.

"Why would I -?" Italy frowned, looking bewildered and embarrassed at the same time.

"So you'll look the way you used to!" Germany responded, looking excited at the prospect. "Please?!"

"Oh yes!" Hungary agreed, clapping her hands together, a mad glint shining in her eyes. "I mean, Italy, I'm sure I have a dress that will fit you somewhere..."

"Hungary, stop encouraging this!" Austria snapped, shooting her a slightly appalled glance.

"Uh..." Italy's blush grew darker. "Holy Roma...I'd rather not."

"Enough with the cross-dressing!" Denmark cut in. He turned to Sweden. "Can we  _please_ get back to the issue of him being two people at the same time?!"

"I thought we sorted this out!" Hungary interjected, her eyes narrowing in irritation at the interference with the current conversation. "He's the Holy Roman Empire!"

"No," Denmark argued, "he's Germany."

Austria snorted. "Oh yes, because that makes  _complete_ sense."

"I'm the Holy Roman Empire!" Germany piped in.

Italy nodded. "He's Holy Roma."

Austria's lips curled into a satisfied smirk. "Exactly."

Sweden clenched his jaw; everyone froze.

"...So," Denmark coughed, averting his eyes nervously. "He's Germany, huh?"

"Yup!" everyone chorused, making an effort to avoid looking in Sweden's direction.

Germany frowned. "But I'm -"

"Dammit kid!" Denmark hissed. "You do  _not_ want to mess with  _that!"_ He jerked a finger in Sweden's direction.

Germany glanced over, shuddered at what he saw, and quickly glanced away. "It's not fair," he mumbled, petulantly. "I'm a great empire, not some lowly little nation!"

No one answered, but Iceland leaned in towards Norway and muttered, "I thought that one man said that he wasn't an empire?"

"Just let him believe what he wants to believe," his brother muttered back.

"...Can I at least still be an empire?" Germany shot a hopeful stare at the small crowd of nations in front of him.

"Sorry sweetie," Hungary responded, shooting him a sympathetic glance.

Germany's face fell.

"I'm sorry Holy Roma," Italy sniffed. "I never wanted to hurt you!"

Germany pouted in response, staring at Italy through narrowed eyes for a long moment. After the brief pause he finally murmured, in a voice that was barely audible, "can we still be friends?"

Iceland's lower lip wobbled and tears began to run down his cheeks.

"...Seriously," Denmark muttered, shooting him a faintly incredulous stare.

"Shut up!" Iceland snapped, wiping furiously at the tears. "Just because you guys have no emotions..."

...

"You know," Prussia mused, "I didn't know that you could be this quiet. Why can't you always -" He shot a look behind him and his eyes widened.  _"What the hell are you doing?!"_

Poland looked up from the magazine that he had been flicking through. "Like, shh!" he hissed. "I'm trying to like, read here!"

"You're supposed to be searching for the book!" Prussia shot back.

Poland rolled his eyes. "I like, was - but then I saw  _this."_ He waved the magazine, looking triumphant. "I like, couldn't resist."

Prussia squinted. "...Is that a naked body?"

Poland beamed. "Like,  _yes!"_ he squealed. "It's like, a whole book  _full_ of naked bodies - toned, muscular, tanned, manly bodies. Like, how squeal-worthy is  _that?!"_

"...Are we in the right room?"

Poland flipped to the next page. "Oh, like, oh my god, look at those muscles," he gasped, his eyes widening in gleeful disbelief. "They're like, totally gleaming in the sunlight!"

"...England keeps gay porn in his room?" Prussia shook his head in disbelief. "Wow, I did  _not_ see that one coming."

_"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"_

Both Prussia and Poland froze; their eyes drew up to the doorway, startled to see a certain English-nation standing there.

"...Uh..." For once, Prussia looked at a loss for words.

"Like, totally squeal-worthy book," Poland stammered, waving it awkwardly through the air.

England froze, his cheeks turning red.

Poland dragged his eyes away, forcing them onto the page in front of him. Immediately his expression relaxed and he let out a dreamy sigh.

"...Put that bloody thing down and get out  _now!"_ England snarled.

...

"I fucking blame you, you know that?" Prussia growled, as he and his unwanted companion trudged down the hallway.

Poland frowned. "It's like, totally  _not_ my fault that England like, keeps distracting material in his room!"

"Dammit, we need to find that book!" Prussia snarled.

Poland sighed. "Like, maybe it's not meant to be."

"...The  _fuck_ are you on about?!"

"Maybe like, it's not our destiny to find the book!" Poland responded, shooting Prussia a grim look. "Maybe we have to like deal with the consequences of our actions...or should I say,  _your_ actions!" He shot Prussia a venomous glance. "After all, you're like, the one who caused all of this in the first place! I'm like, totally innocent!"

"Oh fuck off," Prussia responded, rolling his eyes. "You chose to get involved."

"Like, what universe are you  _living in?!"_ Poland demanded. "I like, was a total innocent bystander! Those demons totally  _chose me!"_

"...We need to find that fucking book..."

"Oh like, get over it!" Poland snapped. "We aren't going to like, find it - and like, England's getting totally suspicious, and the demon is like, wandering these hallways as we speak -"

They turned around the corridor and simultaneously froze.

"...You just had to open your goddamned mouth, didn't you?" Prussia muttered, staring at the crowd - and more specifically, a certain de-aged nation - with dread in his eyes.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

"Fucking fuck-tards," Finland (yes  _Finland)_ snarled, his eyes flashing with a mad light. "How dare they fucking do this, god, I have had it up to fucking  _here -_ ahh, I swear, I am going to fucking -" His voice cut off and he let out a frustrated howl.  _"DEAR GOD, WHY AM I SWEARING SO MUCH, I'M FINLAND, I DON'T SWEAR!"_

"...Mr. Finland?"

He froze, his eyes traveling down the corridor with dread.

"...America?"

"Mr. Finland!" The de-aged nation hurried over, wiping hurriedly at his cheeks; his red-rimmed eyes acted as a tell-tale sign that he had been crying not long ago. "Why are you talking to yourself?" he asked.

Finland, quickly forgetting about his previous rage (a better way to describe it would be "mental breakdown"), and his previous resolution to have nothing to do with the children.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern coating his words as he bent down to America's level. "Why are you crying?!"

America looked down, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

"America?"

"...They left me all alone!" The child's lip wobbled, tears forming in his eyes. "I waited in the room because - well, I was kind of nervous to leave, cause I don't know what this place is, and it's so strange, and...did the world break?!"

Finland blinked. "No, of course not!"

"But everything's gone all weird!" America cried. "Did someone do something bad that made everything turn wrong?"

"No America." Finland shook his head. "Nothing's wrong - everything's fine."

"But I don't understand!" The child let out a frustrated huff, his lip wobbling slightly. "It's so strange and - and, I left the room to find England, because Big Brother would make everything better! But then I got lost, and this time Ho wasn't with me -" He let out a shuddering breath.

Finland watched him, wondering when the hell America had turned into his loud, annoyingly-confident adult self.

" - And then I got really scared," America continued to ramble. "And then...I found you!" He smiled, despite his previous frantic state. "I knew I liked you best! Well, not as much as -"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Finland said, cutting him off. "The old lady, her grandson and his goat."

"His horse," America corrected him.

"Yup."

There was a brief pause.

"...Mister, could you please help me find my big brother?" America asked, his voice hesitant. Finland stared at him for a moment.

"Please?" America pressed, mistaking his silence as a 'no'. "Because I think you're really nice, and I'd like you even more if you did!"

"...America -"

"And also - don't tell anyone - I'm kind of scared of the monsters that hide under the bed!"

Finland shut his mouth, whatever he had been about to say interrupted by his confusion.

"The monsters?" he asked.

"Yes!" America responded. "I mean, Ho tells me that they only go after girls, but I'm scared anyway, because Ho tells me that they sometimes go after Austria! And he's a guy!"

"...Oh." Finland chewed on his lip, not sure what to say.

"He said that it was because Austria's a wimp, but...what if there's another reason?! What if they come after me?!"

"I'm sure they wouldn't..."

"But what if they  _do?!"_ America's eyes were wide open, fear shining in them. "If I find my big brother, he'll protect me! He won't let the bad monsters take me away!"

"...Okay then." Finland smiled, awkwardly. "Well then, why don't I take you to England?"

America brightened up, almost immediately. "Oh, would you?" he exclaimed, eagerly. "I knew there was a reason I like you!"

His eyes shone brightly, and despite everything that happened, Finland found himself regretting not keeping America when he had first found him all those years ago.

...

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Prussia moaned, his eyes glued on the sight of his brother. "Why does the world hate me?! Seriously,  _why?!"_

"Prussia?" Denmark asked, blinking in surprise. He then grinned, exclaiming, "oh hey, you are  _not_ going to believe it - apparently this little guy here -" He nudged Germany lightly - "is  _Germany!"_

Norway sighed loudly.

"Like, oh my," Poland gasped, fanning himself frantically. "I totally feel my blood pressure like,  _rising!"_

"Prussia you jerk!" Germany growled. "Why are you back?! I was enjoying some quality time with my non-female Italy!"

Italy frowned slightly. "Your non-female Italy," he repeated, clearly unhappy with the label. "I'm still the same person..."

"Just not a girl anymore," Germany interjected.

Italy lowered his eyes, looking slightly hurt.

"It's okay though," Germany added, hurriedly, clearly sensing the dissonance. "We're still friends!" Despite his words, sadness sparked in his eyes.

Hungary frowned as she looked on. "You already knew about this?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in Prussia's direction.

"Like, it's totally rising!" Poland moaned. "Is my face like, turning red? Come on, like, totally tell me - if I'm going to like, pass out, or get a heart attack or something, the least I can do is like, get a good shade of blush out of it."

"You do look a bit red," Hungary murmured, gazing at him scrutinizingly.

"Like, a totally spunky shade?" Poland questioned.

"Oh, of course."

A beam spread across his face. "Oh Liz, you like, know me too well!" he gushed, clapping his hands together in glee, apparently forgetting about his previous distress.

"Wait, Prussia," Denmark said, gazing at his friend in surprise. "You already knew about this?"

Sweden gritted his teeth. "I told y', h's the one who turned them into kids."

"...Huh?"

Austria frowned. "You never said that!" he argued.

_"Prussia..."_ Hungary's eyes once again narrowed in the albino's direction. A moment later her eyes flickered to Sweden and she quickly added, "although, you really never said that."

Sweden inhaled sharply, clearly on the edge of snapping.

"I think we should stop pushing him," Iceland muttered, gazing nervously in the direction of his fellow-nordic nation. "We've been doing that a lot..."

"Fine then Icey," Denmark responded, rolling his eyes. "You tell me -  _did_ he mention anything about  _Prussia_  turning Germany into a kid?"

"...Well, no," Iceland admitted.

Norway shook his head. "You're right, he didn't."

"What are we talking about?" Prussia demanded, sounding confused (and not at all happy about this).

"How Sweden never told us that you turned Germany into a kid," Denmark told him, missing the way that Sweden's eye twitched repeatedly as he spoke.

Prussia grimaced. "Biggest fucking mistake of my life," he muttered.

Denmark looked surprised. "Seriously?" he asked. "I mean, you've made  _a lot_  of mistakes -"

"I've taken a lot of people of the 'awesome list' lately," Prussia cut him off. "Do you want to be next?"

Denmark shut his mouth.

"I'm like, so relieved to have it all out!" Poland gushed. "Like, you do  _not_ know how like, stressful it's been! I've like, been terrified that I'd like, get grey hair!" He shuddered at the thought.

Hungary shook her head. "Oh Poland, you're too fabulous for that," she told him.

"Liz, I like, seriously love you Honey," Poland told her, beaming.

Hungary grinned, looking pleased. "I know!"

"Prussia, where's America?" Germany asked, ignoring the conversation occurring in front of him.

"America?" Austria muttered, raising one eyebrow.

Prussia paused, muttering, "that's actually a good question..." He thought for a moment, silently shaking his head as he did. "I  _knew_ I'd forgotten something..." he mused.

"Why America?" Iceland asked, oblivious.

"H's been turned as well," Sweden responded.

"...Into a kid?" Norway questioned.

Sweden sighed. "Wh't else?"

"Well, you can't say that!" Denmark interjected. "I mean, come on, cut the guy some slack - you can be turned into  _a lot_ of things! A women for instance, judging rom Italy's situation."

Italy blushed.

"W'll h's been turned into a kid l'right?" Sweden growled, looking annoyed (no surprise there).  _"N't_ a women."

"He  _is_ a girl," Germany argued, looking confused. "You can't turn him into one!"

Everyone shot him a series of strange looks.

"What's he talking about...?" Iceland asked, slowly.

"Trust me," Prussia told him, "you do  _not_ want to know."

Iceland raised one eyebrow but chose not to pursue the issue any further.

"So like, what do we do now?" Poland asked, frowning slightly. "Prussia and I have been like, trying to hide the brats for the past few days - now that it's like, all out, what do we do? It's like our life's purpose has like, ended..."

"I thought you said America was missing...?" Italy murmured, hesitantly.

"...Like,  _no way!"_ Poland looked vaguely horrified at the mere thought. "I like,  _just_ got rid of the stomach ache that's like, totally been there since all of this stress began. I am like,  _not_ bringing it back!"

A moment of silence spread throughout the group.

"...So um, if I've been turned into a  _kid,"_ Germany said, slowly, "how amazing is my non-kid self?" He smiled, eagerly.

It was almost sad about how fast they had all forgotten about America.

"I never thought I'd say this," Prussia said, sounding almost amazed at his own words. "But your 'non-kid' self if  _utterly, awesomely amazing_ compared to the fucking likes of you."

...

"So let me get this straight," Finland said, slowly. "...He told you that Hungary  _screams out_ Austria's name...because she wants him to protect her from the monsters?"

America nodded brightly. "Yup! It's what Ho told me!"

"...Oh." Finland blushed. "Well then, if that's what Germany told you, it must be true."

"Ho."

Finland blinked. "What?"

"His name is Ho," America responded. "Not Germany."

"...Oh, right." Finland let out an awkward laugh.

America frowned, thoughtfully. "We've been walking for a while," he murmured. "When are we going to find my big brother?"

"We're on our way," Finland told him.

America brightened immediately at his words. "Oh, I can't wait!" he gushed. "I hope England has some scones for me!"

Finland stared at him in surprise. "You... _like_ his scones?"

"Sure I do!" America responded. "They're the best scones in the world - England said so himself, and Big Brother is  _always_ right!"

Finland stared at the child, wondering what the  _hell_ had happened to America while he was growing up to change him so much.

"A severe case of food poisoning, probably," he muttered.

America gazed at him in confusion. "What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Just me, talking aloud."

"Oh..." America frowned and then shrugged his shoulders, brushing off any perceived strangeness. "You can have some scones too," he said, jumping back onto his preferred topic. "England tells me that people who share are  _proper_ gentlemen!"

"Oh..." Finland forced himself not to shudder at the thought of eating  _anything_ that England had prepared. "As much as I appreciate that, growing boys need their food."

"I'm glad you know that I'm a boy," America told him. "I don't understand why Ho can't see it!"

He skipped forward, his long smock billowing around him in the light breeze of the corridor; his hair fluttered along with it. Finland raised one eyebrow, holding back a response.

The two walked in silence for a while.

"Right then," Finland said, as they came to stop at a door. "We're here."

"What?"

"England's room," Finland clarified. "We're here."

America brightened. "Oh!"

Finland smiled at him and reached out towards the door handle, prepared to pull it open.

_"WAIT!"_

He jerked his hand immediately and whirled around, staring at America in bewilderment.

"You can't just  _go inside!"_ America cried, looking horrified. "England says that you always have to  _knock_ before entering, ever since that one time when the nanny went crazy!"

Not for the first time, Finland found himself wondering what the  _hell_ the younger nation was talking about.

"What?" he asked, not a hundred percent sure he even  _wanted_ to hear the story.

"Yeah!" America said, his eyes growing wide. "I walked in and the nanny had England pinned to the bed, and was trying to  _rip his neck out!"_

He paused, as if to let the 'horror' and 'savagery' sink in; Finland  _did_ let it sink in, but for an entirely different reason.

"... _WHAT?!"_ he choked.

"I know!" America exclaimed, his head bopping up and down. "I think I kind of snapped her out of it though, cause she turned really red and got off him then." He frowned slightly. "England was really embarrassed - I don't know why though, it's not  _his_ fault that she went psycho and tried to kill him!"

Finland gawked at him.

"I know!" America said, mistaking his shock. "I was kind of scared at the time but England explained it all to me - and I was a hero, you know!" He beamed, proudly. "I stopped her from hurting my big brother!"

_'People REALLY need to start thinking of better ways to hide their sex lives from children...'_ Finland thought, mentally shaking his head in disbelief.  _'And I thought Austria and Hungary's story was bad enough - maybe they should start a club...'_

"I never saw the nanny again," America said, interrupting his line of thought. The child pouted slightly. "I mean, I  _know_ she went crazy, but...she always snuck me cookies, and let me stay up past my bedtime!" He sighed, sadly. "She left after that - England says that she went to live a life of sol-id-arid - soli - what's that word?"

"Solidarity," Finland supplied.

"Yup, that's the one!" America beamed, proudly. "She went to live a life of  _that_ alone in the woods for the rest of a very long time!"

"Oh," Finland said, weakly. "Well that's too bad."

"Yeah," America agreed. "I did see her twin in the market place once though - I thought it was her at first, but then England told me it wasn't and that it was her twin...and big brother's always right! I hope she wasn't too sad though...I know I'd be if Mattie left for good, even if he does turn invisible all the time!"

Finland decided to knock on the door, deciding that the sooner the story ended, the better.

"I went to say I was sorry about her sister but she went all red and started making funny noises," America said, chewing on his lip thoughtfully. "Then she ran away - I think she was probably just upset or something -"

Finland's hand smashed hard against the door - it ripped open a moment later, revealing a furious England on the other side.

"I bloody swear!" he snarled, his eyes flashing dangerously. "If it's either Prussia or Poland I will bloody  _shove -"_

"England!" Finland interrupted, sounding appalled. "There's a child here!"

England blinked in confusion. "What the bloody hell are you -" His eyes widened in disbelief.  _"America?!"_

"Big brother!" America cried, gleefully, hurling himself at the older nation.

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

"What the bloody  _hell_ is going on?!" England spluttered, staring in shock at the small figure curled around his legs.

"Big brother," America said, glancing up with wide, confused eyes, "aren't you glad to see me?"

"Wha - wha -  _huh?!"_ England shook his head, clearly at a loss for words. "I mean how -  _America?!"_

"I thought we'd already established that," Finland said, raising an eyebrow and feeling amused despite himself.

"I don't understand!" England cried, still in obvious shock. "Why is he like this?!"

"Well, you see," Finland said, "it's a long story -"

America frowned at the lack of attention, before proceeding to tug on the edge of England's pant leg. "Big brother -"

England shook his head at Finland, clearly not noticing what else was happening. "How -"

Finland shrugged. "Prussia -"

_"Prussia?!"_ England's expression darkened.

America's eyes widened. "Big brother!" he wailed, "you're not going to send me back to  _him_ are you?!" He sniffed loudly, his eyes tearing up.

England looked horrified, his attention finally returning to the child who was currently clinging onto him.

"Oh god," he choked, "America, don't cry -"

Finland frowned slightly. "Um..."

"America?!"

America let out a series of small sniffs and looked away.

"I won't send you away!" England said, forcing himself to hide his shock. He bent down low and peeled America off his leg, forcing the younger nation to look into his eyes. "God, I would never do that!"

America stared at him through wide, hesitant eyes. England swallowed, and for a moment, forgot that there was something  _seriously_ strange going on - he pulled the younger nation close, holding him tightly, and much to his horror, realised that a lump was forming in his throat.

"Big brother, I love you!" America proclaimed, happily. England let out a startled squeak at the evidence of moisture forming in his eyes - he was England, dammit, he didn't cry!

"Prussia found your spell book."

Well that ruined  _that_ little moment.

_"What?!"_ England jerked back, his wide, alarmed eyes flying to meet Finland's.

America flinched at the sudden change in behaviour. "Big brother," he said, "are you mad at me?"

"Wha - no!" England shook his head rapidly. He looked torn between catering to the every need of his once-again little brother America, and finding out  _exactly_ what the hell Finland was talking about.

"I could never be mad at you!" he told America, pulling him into another hug. Over the child's shoulder, he hissed at Finland, "explain.  _Now!"_

"I told you," Finland responded, "Prussia found your spell book and turned America and Germany into kids."

"Germany too?!"

America looked up. "Are you talking about Ho?" he asked, cheerily.

England looked alarmed, his eyes snapping to Finland's. "What ho?" he demanded, sounding furious. "What has Prussia been doing to him?!"

"No, no!" Finland cried, quickly. "It's what he calls Germany!"

"...Why the bloody  _hell_ does America think that Germany is a ho?!" England blanched, looking horrified at the mere thought.

"I still don't understand why everyone calls him Germany," America giggled. "Is it a nickname? It doesn't sound anything like his real name!"

Finland shook his head at England, hoping to avoid the inevitable misunderstanding that was fast approaching. "He doesn't -"

"Dear lord," England muttered, "I knew that lad was too good to be true, what with having  _Prussia_ as his caretaker as a child." He shuddered slightly, before turning his attention back to the child at his feet. "America, lad, are you alright?"

America shrugged. "I don't like Prussia or Poland very much..."

_"Poland,"_ England growled, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Oh, I knew that git was up to something..."

"But mister Finland has been very nice!" America beamed in said nation's direction. "I like him a lot - but I like you more, big brother!"

Finland sighed.

England on the other hand beamed widely at that, muttering, "oh, I forgot how cute he used to be..."

Finland frowned slightly. "Um - England?"

England blinked. "Er, right," he said. "So, er, Ho?"

"Oh yes - funny story..." Finland laughed, awkwardly. "Well, um...do you know about the Holy Roman Empire?"

"...The empire that wasn't an empire?"

"That's the one."

"Well, yes then." England nodded his head, looking slightly quizzical. "What about him?"

"...He's Germany." Finland let out another awkward laugh.

England stared.

"Nope!" America interjected. "He's Ho!"

"America finds it easier to say 'Ho' than the whole thing," Finland explained.

England blinked. "Oh. So Germany is -"

"- Not a man-slut. No." Finland shrugged his shoulders, staring awkwardly.

England blinked again and stared back, unsure of what to say.

"You know Finland," he said at last, "you seem...different."

"It's stress," Finland responded. "It does strange things to you."

"Big brother?" America asked, trying to insert himself into the conversation. "Can I have some scones?"

Finland shook his head, unable to shake of the  _weirdness_ of hearing  _America_ of all people saying that. England, on the other hand, beamed immediately, his eyes sparkling madly.

"Oh America!" he said, struggling to contain his excitement. "Of course you can have scones! Oh, have as many as you like!"

Finland frowned; didn't they have more important issues to deal with? Like the case of a certain missing de-aged nation, who had to be found in order for things to return to normal?

England however seemed oblivious to this, too caught up in his little trip to the past (without any actual time travelling of course).

"And...how about some  _tea_ too?!" the brit asked, excitedly.

"Yes please!" America responded, eagerly. "I love tea!"

"Oh, of course you do!" England laughed, clasping his hands together happily. "Yes, you  _love_ tea, don't you?! And you would never even  _consider_ throwing any tea into any harbors, would you?"

America looked horrified at the mere thought. "No, of course not!" he cried. "Tea is the best thing ever!"

England smiled dreamily.

"England!" Finland hissed. "We should really start looking for Germany -"

"Oh shut up," England snapped, shooting him annoyed look. His expression immediately cleared, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I need to put the kettle on!"

...

"Um..." France coughed, while Spain stared at the crowd in front of them with wide eyes. Who knew that turning left instead of right would have such unforeseen consequences? France had  _told_ Spain that right was better, but  _no,_ no one ever listened to the master of sexuality that was him...

"This group keeps getting bigger and bigger," Prussia sighed, staring almost mournfully at the duo who had appeared in the corridor just moments before.

"Is that the  _Holy Roman Empire?"_ France choked. After all, while the sight of the large group, filled with people whom he'd rather not see (Hungary and that godforsaken frying pan - and  _Sweden..._ just...no) didn't exactly please him, and despite his current reservations in regards to his white-haired best friend (former best friend? He honestly didn't know anymore...), the real reason for his distress regarding the wrong turn of corridor was that...boy staring right at him.

"Oh god," Spain whispered, looking faint. "I always knew ghosts existed..."

"Yeah," Prussia sighed, almost bored (after all, now that it wasn't really a secret anymore, all the excitement was gone from it). "Long story."

Sweden breathed heavily.

"...That the Awesome Me will be telling you," Prussia added, quickly. "Because Sweden looks like he's going to crack if he retells the story one more time."

"So Italy," Germany said, turning his attention away from the new arrivals in favor of speaking to Italy. "You know what I think?"

"What, Holy Roma?" Italy questioned.

Germany beamed. "I think you should switch clothes with Hungary!"

Silence. Utter...silence.

"...What's happening?" Spain whispered, his eyes wide.

"Um," Italy choked, "Holy Roma, I told you -"

_"Dammit woman!"_ Austria's horrified shriek cut him off.  _"Keep your clothes on!"_

Everyone turned to stare at Hungary, who was in the process of unbuttoning her dress.

"Oh, I really don't mind!" she reassured him, not looking embarrassed in the least.

_"I_ do!" Austria snapped.

France licked his lips. "I don't."

Austria shot him a furious glance.

"But you heard Holy Rome!" Hungary cried, almost desperately. "He wants Italy to -"

"Dammit Hungary, we don't give into his every demands!" Austria snapped. "I thought you would have realized that after all the years we spent living with him!"

"But...Italy! In a  _dress!"_ Hungary shot him a desperate look.  _"Tell me_ that doesn't make you want to squeal!"

Italy flushed red, looking horrified.

"Oh god," Denmark muttered, sounding gleeful. "That would be the best blackmail material..."

"Stop being a pervert," Norway shot back.

"I'm not!" Denmark protested. "I said  _blackmail_ material not...you know, material which could be used for other things."

Iceland flushed.

"Oh, stop blushing Icey," Denmark snorted, rolling his eyes. "We all know you know what I'm talking better than anyone."

"Dammit, stop making me out to be some sort of pervert!" Iceland snapped, his cheeks burning brighter.

"I really think we missed something here," Spain sighed, looking on uncomprehendingly.

"Like, I totally feel the heat rising," Poland complained, flapping his hand in front of his face in an attempt to cool himself. "Why are there like, so many people here?"

Prussia smirked, jabbing a finger towards himself. "Because everyone wants to get a piece of  _this!"_

France sighed, loudly. "Prussia, I thought you were going to explain things to us?"

"Oh yeah..." Prussia blinked. "Well, you see...due to an accident -"

"His fault," everyone chorused.

"Like, totally," Poland finished.

Prussia glared at them.  _"Well,"_ he spat, "when an awesome being such as myself makes a mistake, it immediately becomes  _AWESOME!_ So therefore...haha to you!"

Spain raised an eyebrow. "What did you do?"

Prussia shrugged. "Well I...kind of turned West and America into kids..."

"Wait  _Germany?!"_ France choked, his eyes snapping to Germany's direction. "That's...Germany?"

Prussia shrugged. "Well it sure as hell isn't America."

France frowned and wandered over, bending down and pressing himself nearer, until he was inches away from Germany's face.

"No, you're right," he agreed, squinting slightly. "He's simply not feminine enough to be America."

Prussia stared.

"What?!" France shot back, defensively. "Did you  _see_ him as a child?!"

"Hey!" Germany cried, angrily. "French creep - get away!"

France let out a loud sigh, before peeling himself off the floor. "He is Germany," he confirmed. "Dear lord..."

"Yeah..." Prussia shrugged. "Well, the Awesome Me knew all along, but all the more unawesome beings have been surprised so far..."

"Like, is Spain alright?" Poland asked, frowning slightly. "He kind of like, looks like he's like, got diarrhea -" He shuddered slightly. "If that's like, the case, then go away please - I'm too fabulous to spend like, more than five minutes on the toilet."

Prussia raised an eyebrow in Spain's direction, directing the silent question of,  _"what the fuck is wrong with you?!"_ at his best friend.

Spain glared in response. "Prussia!" he growled. "If you were turning people into children, how could you not have turned my sweet little Romano?!"

Everyone stared at him.

"...Seriously?" Denmark muttered.

"He was the cutest child!" Spain snapped at him.

France shuddered slightly.

Spain, who had clearly detected the movement, shot him a furious glance. "Don't insult my tomato!" he growled.

"I didn't say anything!" France cried in protest.

"You implied it through that shudder!" Spain snapped, his eyes flashing. "Take it back!"

"...How do I take a  _shudder_ back?!"

"Like, oh my god, I knew there was something wrong with him," Poland said, shaking his head rapidly. "He was like, always too cheerful to be trustworthy...I knew there was like, something more sinister under that cheerful, admittedly attractive exterior..."

"Oh, Romano would have made such a cute kid!" Hungary sighed, her eyes shining. "Plus, didn't he dress up as a girl as well?!"

"Oh god," Austria moaned.

"Oh yes!" Spain exclaimed, the malice in his expression disappearing, overtaken by sheer  _joy._ "He was so -"

" - Adorable!" Hungary finished, giggling like a schoolgirl. Spain mirrored this action; everyone standing close to him decided it would be best to...well  _not_ be so close to him.

"Oh," Hungary sighed, dreamily, "why can't life just be filled with cross-dressing males?"

Austria spluttered.

"I say we conquer the world together Hungary!" Germany declared, excitedly. "We'll  _make_ everyone wear dresses!"

Austria looked utterly horrified. "Would someone change him back?!" he demanded, looking around in panic.  _"Before_ he creates utter  _chaos?!"_

"But Austria!" Hungary protested. "He doesn't mean it - and isn't he just  _adorable?!"_

France tuned that conversation out (as much as he would have  _loved_ to discuss the joys of cross-dressing males, he had other issues to deal with).

"So," he said to Prussia, "all those times you acted strangely...it was because of this?"

"I wasn't being strange," Prussia responded, promptly. "I was being awesome."

France stared at him.

"...Fine, yes," the albino sighed.

Spain frowned at him. "You know amigo," he admonished, "you weren't being really nice."

Prussia simply shrugged in response.

"...Prussia," France sighed, shooting him a wary glance.

"Okay fine," Prussia muttered, rolling his eyes, "I admit, I was being a jerk."

Spain raised one eyebrow. "Do we get an apology?"

Iceland, who had been watching the ongoing events with wide eyes, suddenly found a tissue being shoved in his face.

"Denmark," he choked, jerking his head away, "what the hell?!"

"I sense a reunion coming along," the Dane responded. "I learnt how emotional you can get from what I've seen today, so -"

"I'm not going to start crying!"

"...Fine then." Turning away, and muttering comments about "ungratefulness", Denmark turned his attention to Norway.

"Norge?" He dangled the tissue in front of his friend.

"Denmark..." Norway shot him an irritated glare.

"Right okay!" Denmark turned away. "Swed - actually, you know what, let's not go there..." He let out an awkward laugh at the sight of Sweden's murderous expression, as he looked on over the events that were taking place.

"Okay fine," Prussia sighed. "I'm sorry for being a jerk."

"An unawesome jerk?" Spain pressed, a slight smile forming on his lips.

"A  _jerk,"_ Prussia responded, firmly.

"Si..." Spain smirked. "An unawesome jerk."

Prussia gritted his teeth. "No," he growled, "a  _jerk."_

France and Spain simultaneously raised their eyebrows.

"Fine!" Prussia let out an irritated sigh and lowered his eyes to the floor. "I was...a...that."

Both his friends glanced at each other, before raising their eyebrows further.

"I was a...u-word...jerk." Prussia crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared at them.

"Prussia, honestly!" France cried, his voice filled with exasperation.

"Fine!" Prussia clenched his fists - his friends, and those observing, were stunned to see glimmers of sweat forming on his brow. "I was a...a...a...oh god,  _don't make me say it!"_

France's eyes widened, and Spain actually  _jumped_ at the distress present in Prussia's voice.

"Take me back in time!" Prussia moaned. "Dissolve me all over again if you have to - just don't make me say  _it!"_

Both his friends gaped at him.

"...Fine, okay!" With his shoulders slumping, and his outburst seemingly under control at the moment, Prussia shot them an irritated look. "But this should prove just how  _awesome_ I am!" He took a shuddering breath, before shouting,  _"I'm sorry I was an unawesome jerk!"_

"...That's alright Prussia." Spain looked faintly alarmed; France shared this feeling.

"Group hug, oui?" The Frenchmen suggested, deciding that they had pushed their friend far enough.

Prussia sighed in annoyance but complied; the three hugged, the dissonance of the past few days seemingly forgotten.

"France..." Prussia muttered, "stop groping my arse."

Or...not.

"Oh sorry," France apologized. "I was aiming for Spain."

"What?" Prussia growled, "my arse isn't good enough for you?!"

France shrugged slightly. "I can keep it there if you like."

"...Get moving buddy."

"Icey," Denmark said, as he observed. "If you start to tear up -" He pulled out the tissue.

"Shut the  _hell_ up Denmark!" Iceland growled.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

"So then I was like,  _"like, you totally never told me you were a garbage collector!"_ and he was all,  _"like, what are you talking about, I'm like not a garbage collector!"_ " Poland looked completely immersed in his tale, his hands waving animatedly as he talked.

"Am I the only one who fucking hates this loser?" Prussia muttered.

"And then I was like,  _"eew, you like, totally wore that outfit by choice?!""_ Poland took a deep breath. "...And that was like, the end of  _that_ disastrous relationship!"

There was a moment of silence.

"...We've been in this corridor for a while..." Iceland muttered.

Prussia sighed loudly. "Hey losers," he said, "you know how I said that this group kept getting bigger and bigger?"

"Si, you did," Spain agreed. "...When we arrived..." He frowned slightly.

"Such a wonderful friend, Prussia," France sighed.

"Hey!" Prussia snapped, eyes narrowing. "I called myself a... _that._ Be fucking grateful!"

"I am!" France shot back. "Dear lord..."

"So what were you going to say Prussia?" Hungary cut in.

"Oh yeah..." Prussia's eyes drifted over to a spot somewhere behind Austria and Hungary. "Well, it just got bigger."

Everyone turned, simultaneously, to see England, Finland and America.

"...That's a bit creepy..." France muttered.

England glared at Prussia. "Prussia..." The name dripped with contempt.

"Like, oh my god!" Poland cried, his eyes widening dramatically. "He's like, totally going to turn us into worms! Like, get away from me, I've already been like, peed on!"

Ignoring the hysterical nation, England focused the entirety of his attention on Prussia.

"Why the bloody  _hell_ didn't you come to me with this before?!" he demanded, furiously.

"Well, what the fuck was I going to do?!" Prussia shot back defensively. "Anyway, it was you're fault!"

"How was it  _my_ fault?!"

"It was your spell!"

"Well it's not like I told you to use it!"

"...Question?"

England swiveled his head slowly to look at Denmark, his eyes flashing dangerously. "What?" he gritted out.

Everyone else in the room let out groans.

"Well..." Denmark's brow furrowed slightly. "Why did you even have that spell in the first place?"

England stared. "What?"

"Like, what  _is_ he going on about?" Poland muttered.

"Hey!" Denmark cried, his eyes drawing around the room, attempting to address all those who were present. "Come on, isn't  _anyone_ wondering why England has a spell that turns people into little kids?"

England clenched his jaw. "Oh for gods -"

"You know," Spain mused, "that's actually a good question..."

"Oui," France agreed. "Angleterre, why on earth would you need a spell like that?"

England opened his mouth, but Hungary cut him off before he could form any sort of response.

"Well, isn't it obvious?!"

"Please Hungary," Austria moaned, "just -"

" - So you can hug them, and squeal as you hug hem, and hug them some more!" Hungary clapped her hands together, her eyes sparkling madly. "They are just  _so_ adorable!"

America let out a small yelp, hiding slightly behind England's leg. Hungary, hearing him, swiveled around to face him, her eyes widening when she caught sight of him.

"Oh my god!" she gasped, clasping her hands to her mouth. "You adorable little cutie! Who are you?!"

"That's America," Germany piped in.

Hungary gaped. "Oh my god," she gasped again. "Can we please keep him this way forever?!"

At that, a slight glint appeared in England's eyes.

"She's a very pretty girl isn't she?" Germany said, smiling slightly. "But not as pretty as my -" He paused, his expression dampening slightly. "...She's pretty."

"...Her?" Hungary glanced at America, her eyes raising slightly.

"Don't ask," Austria muttered, "don't ask."

"Hold it," Denmark said, seemingly having forgotten his previous inquiries about the spell. "Why the hell is Germany calling America a  _her?!"_

America looked slightly relieved. "Mister Finland," he said, tugging on Finland's leg. "They all know that I'm a boy!"

"What do you mean?" Germany asked, narrowing his eyes at Denmark. "She  _is_ a girl!"

There was a moment of silence.

"...Oh..." Italy choked.

"Well," Spain said, coughing, "isn't it funny when things repeat themselves?"

France smirked. "I  _told_ you that America was quite feminine as a child!"

England's head snapped towards him, his eyes flashing threateningly. "What the bloody hell did you say Frog?!" he snarled.

France's smirk grew. "You know perfectly well what I said - why, does it upset you?"

"You blasted pervert!" England looked ready to lunge at him. "Keep your bloody eyes away from my little brother!"

France let out a loud laugh, looking amused. "Oh," he said mockingly, "so now he's your brother again? What happened to -"

"Big brother?" America murmured. "What's he talking about?"

"Nothing!" England cried, his dangerous expression vanishing, replaced by one of panic. He let out a nervous laugh. "Nothing at all..."

"So," Denmark cut in, "back on the topic of the spell thing -"

"Denmark, shut up," Norway muttered.

"Huh?" Denmark blinked at him. "Why?"

"Because the sooner this all finishes, the sooner we can all leave," was the response he received.

Iceland let out a loud sigh. "I've already missed my -" He paused and shook his head. "...You know what, never mind..."

Sweden grunted slightly.

"I really need to know!" Denmark moaned, looking frustrated. "I mean, why would you have a spell to turn people into kids if you weren't planning on using it?!"

England gritted his teeth. "It was in the book."

Denmark frowned slightly, looking almost thoughtful. "...Are you some sort of pedo?" he mused.

England gaped; from nearby, Prussia let out a choking noise.

"Excuse me?!" England cried, indignantly.

"I mean, come on!" Denmark argued. "It all makes sense!"

Norway sighed loudly and placed a hand on his forehead, shaking his head slightly.

England spluttered. "How the bloody  _hell -"_

"What's a pedo?" America asked Finland, looking oblivious. The Nordic nation flushed bright red, looking mortified at the question. He let out a series of splutters, seemingly unable to answer.

"I think it's someone who makes dough," Germany said. He glanced at Italy, asking, "am I right?"

Italy blinked.

"He's like, totally tricking us!" Poland cried, jabbing an accusing finger in Germany's direction.

Finland stared. "What?"

"Like, Germany!" Poland waved his arms wildly. "The little monster like, totally knows what a pedo is, he just like, doesn't want to admit it!"

_"...Why?"_

"I'm not a goddamned pedophile!" England howled.

"You have a spell to turn people into kids," Denmark said, continuing to cling firmly to his theory. "Obviously it's to fulfill some hidden pleasure!"

"...The bloody  _hell?!"_

Somewhere to the left, the Bad Touch Trio rolled around in hysterics, tears of mirth rolling down their cheeks.

"I need to get out of here," Austria muttered under his breath. "These people, they're tearing apart good, upstanding beings - well, alright, England's a bit of a drunken fool, but he's better than most of the failures that I find myself constantly surrounded with..."

"Don't worry about Denmark, England," Iceland said, his voice taking on a sympathetic note. "He's under the impression that I watch porn." He grimaced.

England glanced at him, his eyebrows raising. "You mean that you don't?"

"What's porn?" America mused.

Finland inhaled sharply. "Why me..." he murmured under his breath.

"You eat it!" Germany exclaimed, eagerly.

Finland choked.

From nearby Prussia slammed his fist on the wall, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Holy Roma, no!" Italy cried. "That's not -" He blushed. "How did you - huh?"

"It's a type of corn," Germany explained, fully convinced of his proclamation. "See, they even sound the same!"

America beamed, nodding. "That sounds right!"

"No! No!" Finland cried, shaking his head. "Porn, it's - no, I'm not explaining this to a bunch of kids. Wait until you're older and then -"

"Fn'lnd?"

Finland glanced at Sweden, looking slightly relieved at the interruption. "Yes Su-san?"

"They're n't ev'n list'ning."

Finland blinked, noticing America and Germany both turned away, immersed in some sort of conversation, and clearly preoccupied from any thoughts of a certain 'p' word.

"I didn't right the goddamned book, alright?!" Back with England and Denmark, the argument had continued to transpire. "I didn't even know that spell was in there!"

"Like, where did you get it from?" Poland questioned.

"Yeah!" Prussia piped in. "Where the hell did an unawesome loser like you get a spell book from?!"

"That," England sniffed, "is information that the likes of  _you_ is not privy to." He glanced away. "Now, shall we all disperse?"

"Wait, hold up!" Prussia cried, his eyes narrowing. "You have to turn these brats back to their unawesome adult selves!"

England shrugged slightly. "I can't."

There was a moment of silence.

_"Oh my god!"_ A few eyes drew over to Hungary, who was jumping up and down in excitement. She clapped her hands together, her eyes sparkling.  _"YES!"_

"Like, oh my god," Poland moaned. "I'm totally having a nightmare right now! Like yeah, that's it -" He pinched himself, muttering, "like, wake up Poland, wake up before you realise that you're like, wearing shoes that clash with your outfit..."

"What the fuck do you mean you can't turn them back?!" Prussia snarled.

"I knew something like this would happen," Austria muttered, struggling to keep a blank face as Hungary swung him around through gales of her own excited laughter.

England sighed loudly. "I have to find the counter-spell," he said. "I mean, it's not like I keep these things stored at the top of my mind. And, do you know how many spell books I have? It will take a while."

"No!" Poland looked like he was about to burst into tears "I can't like, handle anymore!"

"...Can we leave?" Iceland looked hopeful.

Norway stood up. "Goodbye," he told the group, his voice curt.

"Huh?" Prussia glanced at him. "Where the fuck are you guys going."

"Away," Norway responded. "Before we get stuck looking after those two." Nodding towards the two children, he grimaced slightly. "I mean,  _he_ certainly didn't last too long." He motioned at Poland, who was currently tugging at his hair, wailing,  _"I like, need my beauty sleep! There like, is no beauty when_ they're  _around!"_

Norway reached down and grasped Denmark's arm, pulling him up. "Come on," he told his fellow Nordic.

"But I'm watching!" Denmark whined.

"Come  _on_ Denmark," Norway gritted out.

Sweden got up, dusting himself off. He glanced towards Finland, asking, "y' comin'?"

Finland hesitated, shooting glances at both of the children. "Uh...actually, I think I'll hang around for a bit..."

Sweden raised one eyebrow. "Y' d'nt h've t' stick aroun' anymore," he pointed out.

"Yeah but..." Finland sighed slightly. "Just...give me a second okay?"

Sweden nodded.

"I'll keep looking for the spell," England said, "but until then, someone's going to have to keep an eye on him." He gestured towards Germany.

Germany immediately latched onto Italy's arm, yelling, "I'll stay with male-Italy!"

Italy sighed loudly but smiled despite himself.

"Yeah, you do that," Prussia agreed eagerly. "And make sure you do it far away from me." Jumping up, he turned to his two best friends. "You guys want to go and grab some beer?"

"Oui," France responded, nodding his head. "Although, I shall inform you now, that I will not be having any of that... _beer._ Pure French wine for  _moi."_

Spain sighed, frowning slightly. "Are you sure that we can't change Romano -?"

_"Bye!"_ Latching onto both Spain and France's arms, Prussia dragged them down the corridor, disappearing around the corner.

"Come on Italy!" Germany said, seemingly unperturbed by his brother's absence. "You can show me your bedroom!" Without waiting for a response, he began dragging the older male down the corridor. As they disappeared around the corner he could be heard murmuring, "you know, Italy, I was so worried that the monsters under the bed would get you, but it turns out that I didn't need to be, because you're not a girl!"

"The monsters under the bed?"

"Yes, you know, the ones that Hungary and Austria are always fighting off -"

"Come on." Latching onto Austria's arm, Hungary dragged him along the path of which Germany and Italy had undertaken just moments before.

"What are you doing?!" Austria demanded.

"We can't let them get away!" Hungary shot back.

Ignoring them, Finland turned to America, giving the smaller nation and awkward smile. "Well uh - bye," he said.

America blinked. "You're not coming?"

"Well uh - no." Finland shrugged slightly. "I think I'm going to go and spend some time with Su-san over here." He gestured at Sweden who stared back, stony-faced as usual.

America's eyes widened in realization. "Oh! You're lover?!"

Finland froze. "Wha - no!"

"Yes," Sweden said, his voice blank.

"No, no, no!" Finland shook his head, rapidly. "That's not - America, I told you, he's not my lover! He's my  _friend!"_

"Husband."

Finland shot Sweden a red-faced glance.

"He's m' wife," Sweden told America, nodding his head.

Finland let out an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, looking unsure of what to say next.

"Oh...yeah." America blinked slightly, comprehension dawning on his face. "You said that he's your  _loved one_ right?"

"Er...well yes, I suppose..." Finland coughed. "I mean, uh, friends can be loved ones..."

"Lover sounds better though," America mused.

"Yes sweetie," Finland sighed wearily, "just don't go around saying it."

"Okay!" America waved happily, and moved to grasp onto England's hand. "Bye Mister Finland!"

Both and America and England began to head down the corridor.

"How would you like some tea when we go back to the room, hmm?" England asked, trying to conceal the eagerness in his voice.

"Oh boy, yes please!" America exclaimed. "You know how much I love tea!"

"Yes..." England laughed slightly. "Yes, you do..."

Watching them leave, Finland sighed loudly.

"Fn'lnd?" Sweden glanced at him, quizzically.

"...They were pretty cute." Finland gave Sweden a small smile and, hesitantly, grasped his hand. The two headed off with Finland, for the first time in what seemed like ages, free of the burden provided by the secret of the two children.

 


	21. Chapter 21

"You know big brother," America gushed, "I'm so happy to be back with you!" He frowned slightly. "Ho's brother was really mean."

"I know he was, love." England pat the child comfortingly on the head. "But you never have to see that  _brute_  ever again."

"That's good…" America's brow furrowed slightly. "I can still see Ho though, right?"

England hesitated; he took a small sip of tea from his cup. "…I suppose," he said at last. "But er, America," he added awkwardly, "perhaps you shouldn't call him Ho - "

America pouted. "Why not?! It's cute!"

"Yes but - " England's eyes flickered frantically from side to side as he attempted to suppress his own discomfort. "Why  _Ho?!"_

"Because," America responded, "it's short for Holy Roman Empire! And Holy Roma was already taken, so…"

"…Oh. Well then…" England coughed. He placed his cup down and tugged stiffly on his collar. "I suppose that's alright…er, more tea, love?"

"You betcha!" America beamed widely. "You know how much I love tea!"

"'Betcha' is not a word America," England chastened as he lifted the tea pot. "And of _course_  you love tea - who doesn't."

America frowned. "I bet  _Ho's_  big brother doesn't."

"No, that brute loves beer," England scoffed.

"Beer? What's that?" America cocked his head to the side. "Can I try some?"

"Perhaps when your older…" As thoughts of the few instances of which he had had the 'pleasure' of experiencing a drunk America overtook him, England quickly shook his head. "Or not."

The door burst open.

England sat up abruptly, almost dropping the tea pot. "What the bloody - ?"

"Sorry!" Finland stumbled into the room, looking slightly embarrassed by his entrance. "I know I should have knocked first but, er…I just wanted to check that America had eaten his breakfast."

England grit his teeth, clearly unhappy at the interruption to his quality time with his once-again little brother.

"As you can see," he growled, gesturing to the tea and crumpets present on the small table.

"And have you given him a bath?" Finland pressed.

"Yes, this morning."

"And brushed his teeth?"

_"Yes."_

"And made sure he didn't pee himself?" Finland looked apprehensive. "Because, this one time, Poland said - "

"And I'm sure Poland was  _completely_  at fault for that." England narrowed his eyes. "You  _do_  realise that I  _raised_  him, don't you?"

"Yes," Finland muttered, "and you did  _such_  a good job of it."

England stared.  _"Excuse_  me?!"

"Nothing, nothing." Finland let out an awkward laugh. "So, uh…why don't I join you for breakfast?" He squeezed himself in between England and America, not even bothering to wait for a response - England let out a series of splutters.

"Aren't you supposed to be spending time with Sweden or something?" the Brit growled, clearly unhappy with this arrangement.

"Huh?" Finland blinked. "Oh, plenty of time for that. I just thought I'd take a quick stroll and…just happened to be passing by this area." He shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah…"

His eyes flickered to America.

"…Are you  _sure_  you brushed his - "

"I  _told_  you, I bloody raised him once, along with a whole bunch of other cretins!" England banged his fist on the table. "I _know_  how to do this  _Finland!"_

"Which is why I am raising one of the kids you - er, never mind…" Finland let out an awkward cough, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry England, it's just becoming a habit."

England snorted and took a long drag of tea. "Yes," he said, his voice slightly mocking, "I'm sure your husband would just love to know about how invested you appear to be in regards to America."

"Su-san is  _not_  my husband!" Finland protested. "Why can't anyone understand that?!"

"They're lovers," America said, wisely. Finland shook his head rapidly in denial.

The door of the room banged open (again).

"Bonjour!" France said, barging into the room. "It is I, the master of sexual acts - "

"There's a child present!" Finland squawked, reaching to cover America's ears.

"France, get the  _hell_  out of my room," England growled.

"What's a sect-yel act?" America asked, staring blankly.

"…I repeat, France, get the _HELL_  out of _my room!"_

"I brought wine for you all, oui." France seemed unbothered by the unwelcoming air in the room. His eyes flittered to Finland, and he smiled lightly. "Oh hello Finland - if I'd known there would be company, I would have brought more."

_"You_  are company!" England snarled. _"Unwelcome_  company!"

"Nonsense," France snorted, waving his hand dismissively. "I am family."

He sat himself down on the table, ignoring the murderous glare England was currently shooting him.

"Wine anyone?"

England slammed his fist on the table. "You can take your _goddamn_  wine and  _shove it up your - "_

"Does  _no one_  understand that there is a  _child_  in the room?!" Finland shrieked.

The door opened.

"Oh for  _gods-sake_ , what  _now?!"_  England wailed.

"It's like, me," Poland said, poking his head into the room. "I like, think I may have like, left my booty-licious iPod in here when I like, last snuck in - "

"It's not here," England said through gritted teeth. "Get out."

"But like, maybe I should like, look around for a bit - "

_"No. Get OUT!"_

Poland ignored England's furious howl, and wandered into the room. His eyes immediately zeroed in on America.

"You," he hissed.

America responded with an awkward wave.

Poland shuddered, glancing away. "Sitting there like a normal nation, when I like,  _know_  the truth…"

The door opened, and England let out a howl of frustration.

"Dammit, why can't you all just  _leave?!"_

"Hey unawesome losers!" Prussia said, strutting into the room. "Have you found the spell yet?!"

_"NO!"_  England shrieked. "Now go away - all of you,  _GO AWAY!"_

America frowned. "Where's Ho?" he questioned (after all, since everyone seemed to be crowding England's small bedroom, didn't it make sense for 'Ho' to be there too?).

Poland paled dramatically. "Like, oh my god!" he wailed. "The demon is like, on his own?!"

"He's with Italy," Finland told him calmly.

"…Like, oh my _god,_  someone call the FBI, or the fire brigade, or the secret police, or  _something!"_

"All we need is my sheer awesomeness," Prussia bragged.

"Then do  _you_  like, wan to find the brat?!" Poland snapped..

_"…Fuck_  no."

England fumed silently as he slouched back in his chair.

...

"So then, Male-Italy - "

"Er, Holy Roma," Italy interrupted. "Are you sure you can't just call me 'Italy'?"

"…Male-Italy - "

Italy sighed loudly.

"…I can't believe no one told me you were a man." Germany shook his head sadly. "I mean, don't get me wrong Male-Italy…I don't blame you, it was probably that jerk Austria's fault."

Italy sighed and leaned back slightly. "It's nice to see you again Holy Roma." Because it  _was_  nice, even if he had to put up with being called 'Male-Italy', and even if Holy Roma no longer seemed as big, and powerful and brave as he had when they were children.

"It's nice to see you again too, Male-Italy!" Germany smiled at him. "Even if you don't wear pretty dresses anymore…and even if I can never marry you…"

"Er…sorry?" God, this was awkward…

"Yeah…" Germany beamed widely. "But that doesn't matter, because we're still friends, and that's the important thing! And…and I no longer have to be scared that the monsters will get you!"

Italy blinked. "The monsters?"

"Yes, the monsters under the bed! Remember - they came after Austria and Hungary, and were making all those scary noises - "

Italy sat still, his eyes wide and his cheeks flaming.

" - and Austria, like the sissy he is, kept calling out for Hungary because he wanted her to save him - "

"Yes, okay, I remember!" Italy waved his arms frantically. "You can stop now Holy Roma, I remember."

"So yeah, it's good that that's never going to happen to you, right? And the monsters sound kind of scary, so I don't really want to see them ever…"

"Holy Roma, let's go visit - " Italy stopped, because he'd been about to say 'Austria and Hungary', but he _really_  didn't feel like thinking about  _them_  right at this moment.

"…America! You like America, right? And I'm sure he and England are probably bored so we should visit them, si?"

...

_"GET. THE. HELL. AWAY. FROM. MY. ROOM!"_

The door slammed in their faces.

"…Maybe they weren't as bored as I thought…" Italy muttered.

 


	22. Chapter 22

"Hungary!  _Hungary!"_

Hungary leapt to her feet, her eyes dancing with excitement at the sound of the familiar voice. Austria, who was also in the room, had a very different reaction.

"Don't open the door!" he yelled.

Hungary ignored him and strode forward.

"Dammit woman!" Austria snarled. "Do you know what is out there?! I don't want to deal with - "

She opened the door. Standing on the other side, looking incredibly glum, was none other than Germany.

"I told you not to!" Austria howled. "I was able to put this all behind me - pretend it wasn't happening - but I can't do that, not if  _he_  is in the same room as me!"

"You look upset!" Hungary said, her eyes widening. "Oh, sweetie, what's wrong? Come sit down and tell me everything - "

_"NO!"_

"I want Italy to be a girl again," Germany said, not bothering to take a seat. "Man-Italy is still Italy but it's not the same!"

"Oh I know sweetheart," Hungary cooed, while Austria continued to moan in the background. "I miss that pretty little dress Italy used to wear too. But - this is who she is and we'll just have to accept it - "

"He."

Hungary's head flicked back as she glanced at Austria. "What?" she inquired.

"He," Austria repeated. "You referred to Italy as a 'she'."

"Hmm…so I did…" Hungary let out a small laugh, and her eyes shone dreamily. Austria shook his head and glanced away, wondering why the  _hell_  he was still married to this woman. Surely there were far saner people in the world…

"I always thought Italy would be the woman I would marry," Germany informed them dismally. "Except…she's not my sweet little Italy anymore - she's a man. So what do I do?"

"That shouldn't stop you!" Hungary replied swiftly. "You can still marry him! Yes - we'll wait for you to get changed back and then I'll force Italy into a pretty little white dress, and  _I'll_ be the maid of honour and…hmm…oh, we can have Japan as the best man, and - "

"Oh sweet lord," Austria moaned.

"I can't marry Italy anymore!" Germany protested. "It's not my sweet little angel - I don't know what to do anymore!"

"Move on," Austria told him bluntly. "Just - move on."

"Austria!" Hungary protested heatedly. "What about yaoi?!"

"Hungary. No." Austria gave her a pointed look. Hungary glowered at him, her eye twitching slightly.

Germany frowned, looking contemplative. "But I've never loved anyone other than my Italy…" he mumbled. "And I don't know many other - Hungary!" His eyes lit up. "You can marry me!"

Austria choked.

Hungary's previous look of frustration (a result of her shattered yaoi fantasies) vanished, and a look of amusement replaced it.

"I'm already married," she pointed out, nodding in Austria's direction.

Germany's look of excitement faded. He stared at the floor, wholly disheartened.

"You shouldn't give up though," Hungary hurriedly added. "You'll find a nice…girl…eventually."

And that was when Germany had a sudden idea (a hopeless one, but an idea nonetheless).

...

"Hey loser," Prussia greeted, flouncing dramatically into Finland's room.

"Um…Prussia?" Finland blinked. "What…are you doing here?"

"Oh nothing." Prussia tossed himself down onto the bed. "Just, you know, being my awesome self."

"Right…"

"…You know, it's great isn't it? The awesomeness of this world had returned now that those brats are off where they belong - with unawesome losers like England and Italy. Although, Italy's kind of higher on my awesome list, so I wouldn't say he's - "

"Prussia," Finland cut him off. "Is there a point to this?"

"Huh?" Prussia blinked, and then his face creased into a scowl. "There doesn't need to be! That's what you get for being awesome - you just - "

"You're saying awesome more than usual," Finland pointed out. "Is it just me, or are you just a bit bored?"

"…That's it." Prussia stood up abruptly. "You were never on my awesome list, but now  _any_  possibility that you may have risen to greatness someday is gone. You hear me? The name "Finland" shall  _never_  appear on my list of sheer awesomeness!"

"It's alright to miss the kids," Finland told him, shrugging. "To be honest…I kind of do."

"Ha! And that is why you and I are on _completely_  different levels!" Prussia leapt to his feet. "I am amazing! I do not 'miss' anyone, especially not those fucking brats!"

He hurried to the doorway.

"I'm out of here - the atmosphere is clashing with my awesome aura," the ex-nation informed Finland. "I'm going to go and get drunk - something which should show you that I have heaps of things to do with my amazing life."

Finland wondered if that was a joke - and then he remembered that this was Prussia.

"Alright Prussia…" he said, slowly. "But…why did you come into my room of all places?"

Prussia stared at him before slamming the door.

...

"We should get married."

America stared at Germany blankly.

"That thing a man and woman do," Germany clarified, and America's eyes widened in recognition.

"Oh yeah!" he nodded. "When you sleep in the same bed and live together!"

"Yup!" Germany nodded eagerly. "Hungary and Austria do it!"

America's cheeks flushed slightly. "But, um, Ho…I can't do that."

"But why not?!" Germany demanded, unwilling to give up after his latest string of disappointment.

America frowned. "Because I'm not a girl!"

"Of course not!" Germany responded.

America blinked. "You - you know?"

"Of course!"

America immediately looked excited. After days of repeatedly being referred to as a female, this was a large step forward -

"You're a woman!"

…Or not.

America gaped at him in disbelief.

"Yeah!" Germany beamed, looking wholly pleased with himself. "And I'm a man! That's why we should get married! I mean, we're responsible adults, right?"

"No!" America replied, his lips forming a pout.

Germany blinked. "No?"

"You're marrying Italy," America told him.

"No I'm not," Germany replied, his tone wistful. "Italy's a man…"

America's big brother had always told him that violence was bad (unless there was a war, or France was around). At the moment that was the only thing stopping America from pushing Germany over and, hopefully, giving him a boo-boo.

"…But it's okay!" Germany continued, forcing a smile onto his face. "Because you're really pretty, and I think you'd make a good wife!"

"I…no!"

Germany sighed, exasperated. "Why not?!"

"Because, I told you!" America retorted heatedly. "I'm not a girl!"

Germany frowned. "I know! And I told you - "

"I'm not a woman either!"

"What's going on here?"

Both of the de-aged nations turned around to see England standing in the doorway. The elder's expression morphed into a frown when he saw who was accompanying his precious little brother.

"America and I are discussing the details of our wedding!" Germany told him cheerfully.

England froze.

...

Austria, Hungary and Poland (who had joined the couple, much to the distress of Austria) glanced up as Germany waltzed dejectedly into the room.

"Oh god," Austria moaned, "what is it now?"

"Like, the demon as returned," Poland murmured in a hushed whisper.

Hungary nudged him sharply in the side. "What's wrong?" she asked the child in a softer tone.

"America's big brother kicked me out of his room," Germany told them, his eyes downcast.

"Why?" Hungary inquired, a frown creasing her brow.

"I don't know!" Germany's head snapped up and he pouted. "I just told him about America and my wedding and he got all weird - "

Hungary screamed, her hands flying to her throat.

"Like, oh my god, don't let them reproduce!" Poland whimpered.

Austria's eye twitched.

 


	23. Chapter 23

"America's big brother?!" Germany called, wandering into England's room (he'd forgotten to knock, but he figured it would probably do more harm than good - there was no  _way_ England would be opening the door for him anytime soon). "I know you were in a bad mood but I'd really like to talk about the possibility of me marrying your little sister - "

The room was empty.

"…Hello?"

Nothing. Germany let out a loud sigh, his lips forming a pout.

"America's big brother!" he called out. "Please, I just really want to get married! Are you hiding from me?!"

No response; well, he supposed, perhaps America's brother had truly left and wasn't hiding. Germany let out a loud sigh. Well, there was no point in leaving. Maybe there was some fun things to do to pass the time while he waited…

...

"England seriously answer the question -  _what_  is going on?"

England stared at the unfamiliar male in front of him. His bad luck had struck again. He'd much rather be spending a lovely day with his de-aged brother sipping tea…but no, of course this strange fellow just had to go and ambush him outside of his room and drag him to this dungeon (okay, it was another hotel room, but that wasn't the point).

"Young man," he ground out, "please allow me to leave this room - I have a child to get back to."

"Yes, about that," the stranger gritted out. "So America  _is_  a child then? I didn't believe France when he told me - "

England probably would have latched onto the 'France' part if he wasn't currently frozen with horror. "You…you know that we're nations?" he gasped.

The stranger stared at him. He then closed his eyes and let out a moan.

"You…stay far away! I was a pirate you know!" England walked away slowly. "If you're not careful I will - "

"England, it's  _me!"_

"Who?" The talking bear by the strangers side questioned. England would have stared if he wasn't wholly accustomed to magical creatures (and, in his mind, Flying Mint Bunny was  _so_ much better).

"I'm Canada!" the stranger snapped. England stared at him for a long moment.

"…Canada?"

"Yes!" was the irritated response. "Canada! You know, America's twin brother? The one that you helped raise?!"

"…Huh." England blinked. "Well then lad, why didn't you just say so?"

"Oh, never mind," Canada sighed. "Just tell me - is America  _really_  a child? Because when France told me I didn't know if I should believe it - but then I heard the nordic's conversing about a similar thing and…well, you're reaction just now…"

"Well, it's not like the whole world doesn't already know about it," England muttered. "Yes, America is a child - Germany too. Don't worry though, I'm working on getting them back to normal."

_"Are_  you?" Canada questioned, frowning doubtfully. "Because you don't seem to be working too hard…"

"I am, thank you very much!" England shot back. "In fact, allow me to let you in on a little secret my boy…I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"

_"Canada!"_

_..._

Germany let out a loud giggle as he stared at the pictures on the page in front of him. Were those cat ears? He poked the picture and then flicked to the next page - another peal of laughter left him at the image of a stout woman, covered in large boils.

He wondered if America's big brother would miss the book. Surely not…

"Hungary says I'm not supposed to steal," Germany said, frowning thoughtfully. "Except, isn't America's big brother too old to be looking at funny pictures? And he threw it behind all those ugly clothes, so I don't think he'll mind…"

...

"Yes, Candora…you see, I told them I had to search for the counter-spell…except, I already  _know_  what it is." England smirked.

Canada stared at him. "You…know what the spell is?"

"Yes. It's in the spell book that Prussia stole. I hid it behind some of my finest garments - not even the most intelligent individual would be able to find it!"

...

"Yes or no…yes or no…" Germany chewed on his lip. He picked up the book and then glanced at the door. He'd just borrow it until America's big brother returned. He was only looking at the pictures, surely he wouldn't ruin it or anything.

...

"You hid the spell book in your room," Canada repeated slowly.

"Precisely, Cantaloupe!"

"…Canada."

"Yes, exactly! I have hidden the book - and don't worry, I'll change them back in a few days. No one will know. I just want to spend a few days with America."

...

Germany nodded decisively. He was taking the book.

...

"…Did you just hear thunder?" Canada asked, glancing nervously at the window.


	24. Chapter 24

To be completely honest, Germany was  _bored._  The pictures had been interesting at first (and funny — didn't the author know that people couldn't grow rabbit ears?) but after about half an hour, Germany had begun to grow tired of it. Plus, there was so much writing that Germany didn't understand — the words all seemed foreign to him (not that he'd ever bothered with his studies in the first place; who needed books when you were a mighty empire?).

"Mister!" he called out, as he spotted someone walking at the end of the corridor. The person stopped, and turned to him, their expression changing to one of confusion as they spotted him.

"Hello," the stranger — how many blonde men were there around here? — said, slowly. "Er…are you supposed to be here?"

"I'm Holy Roman Empire," Germany told him. "Or Holy Roma, as my Italy calls me. Or Ho — that's what America calls me. Who are you?"

"…Latvia."

"Read this for me," Germany ordered, pushing the book into the stranger's — Latvia's — arms.

"I can't," Latvia protested, taking a step backwards. "I have to go, or Mr. Russia will start looking for me — he's quite scary when he's mad, so I don't want him to — "

"Is Mr. Russia your brother?" Germany interrupted. "He can't be worse than mine. Prussia is so annoying."

Latvia paused, frowning. "You're Prussia's brother?" he inquired. "I didn't know Prussia had any siblings other than Germany…"

"Again with 'Germany'!" Germany yelled, throwing his hands in the air. The book fell to the floor. "Everyone keeps calling me that, and I keep telling them, that's not my name. My name is Holy Roman Empire. Or Holy Roma. Or Ho. But not Germany."

"Well…of course not," Latvia said, looking confused. "You aren't Germany."

Germany beamed. "Thank you!" he said cheerily. "You said you're name was Latvia, right? I'll remember that for when I conquer the whole world - I'll leave you alone."

"That's nice of you," Latvia told him uncertainly. "Although Mr. Russia might not like that. He prefers it when people become one with him."

"What does that mean?" Germany questioned.

"…I'm not sure," Latvia replied, slowly. "It could mean two things, one of which I don't think is quite appropriate to tell you…"

"Fine then," Germany replied, pouting. "I didn't want to know anyway. It's just something I'll  _demand_  people tell me when I become the best empire there is." He pushed the book towards Latvia. "Read it? Please? I'm sure Mr. Russia wouldn't mind if you were gone for a moment."

"But he would mind!" Latvia protested. Despite this, he picked up the book, glancing down at the words on the page. His brow furrowed.

"This looks like one of England's spell books," he said, as his eyes flittered across the page.

"A spell book?" Germany's expression lit up. "But that's what that jerk Prussia kept talking about before! He and that other jerk Poland kept saying that America and I were kids because of it!"

Latvia blinked in confusion. "You — huh?"

"Read it," Germany ordered eagerly. "I want to see what happens."

Latvia chewed his lips, looking uncertain; however, he complied (because, well, as sad as it was, this was the first decent conversation he'd had in a while. Russia's constant, "become one with me, da?" was now more frustrating than disconcerting, and Estonia and Lithuania…well, you didn't spend years with Russia and come back with your mind fully in tact).

He regretted complying soon after when a pair of perfectly shaped rabbit ears burst out of his head.

Latvia screamed, dropping the book.

Germany's jaw dropped open.

"You — you have bunny ears!" the child squealed, reaching up to touch them.

Latvia shrieked, flinching back again. Oh lord, what had he done to deserve this? He'd put up with 'Mother Russia'; he'd dealt with Lithuania, with Estonia, with Poland and his frustrating valley-girl speak; wasn't that  _enough?_  Did he need to be physically scarred as well as mentally scarred?!

"I — I should go," Latvia said. Yes — but what he'd do  _next_  was what he had yet to process.

"No!" Germany snapped. "You have to stay! We have to find the right spell! Then we can turn Italy into my beautiful little angel again and — and things will be all great and perfect, and I'll be able to marry my angel and — Latvia! Latvia! Why are you running away!  _I'm a great empire, you can't run away from me!"_

* * *

"Stop glaring at me lad," England muttered, as he walked down the corridor, Canada storming beside him. "Maybe I lied a little — "

"A little?" Canada snapped. "You were going to leave America as a child!"

"Not  _forever!"_  England retorted heatedly. "I was going to change him back eventually! Was it so  _wrong_  that I wanted to be able to tolerate America again?!"

Canada glared at him.

"Oh  _fine!"_  England snapped. "Look, I'll just go to my room and get the book back and we can — well, in a few hours — "

Canada's glare deepened.

"…We can find the children immediately and change them back." England averted his gaze, his lips forming into a petulant pout.

Canada nodded. "Good."

"God Candora," England muttered, "who raised you to be such a little bitch?"

"It's Canada," Canada retorted. "And you did, England."

England paused, flushed slightly, before continuing his journey.

"Wait a second!" Canada yelled.

"Of for gods — " England whirled around, a look of irritation plastered across his face.  _"You_  were the one who said we couldn't waste a moment! Now you want to wait? I ask you again Can-Can —  _who raised you to be such a — "_

_"YOU_  did!" Canada roared (yes, roared - as uncharacteristic as it was for him, he was immensely frustrated at the moment, and also — well, confusing things were happening in front of him). "England. Look," he hissed.

England's gaze lifted, and his eyes — previously burning with irritation — widened in shock at the sight of a wailing Korea, who's head was repeatedly banging against the ceiling as he struggled against a pair of enormous gnat wings.

"…Korea?" England choked. "Is that you?"

"Get me down, da ze!" Korea wailed. "Head-banging is one of the few things that did not originate in Korea!"

"You!" China (who had been standing under Korea, trying (and failing) to pull his younger brother down) whirled around. "You did this, aru! You and your voodoo magic!"

England opened his mouth, and closed it as he caught sight of the dog ears sticking out of China's head.

"…Oh dear lord," he managed.

Canada turned to him. "…You  _didn't — ?"_

"Well of course not!" England snapped. "Why the bloody hell would I waste my time giving China  _dog ears?!"_

"Oh  _please_  aru!" China snapped. "You were always jealous of my delicate beauty!"

"Wha — oh  _please!"_  England scoffed. "Delicate my arse! If you were such a 'delicate beauty' why would you have to resort to Russia and — _that — "_  He jabbed his finger in Korea's direction, just as said nation let out another terrified screech — "for friendship!"

"I don't want Russia's friendship, aru!" China yelled back. "And you think I _like_  having Yong-Soo around? You think I like being groped, and prodded and — Yong-Soo! Bend your head, aru, you'll give yourself a concussion at this rate! Head down!  _Head down!"_

"I see stars, da ze!" Korea sobbed. "They originated in Korea!"

"It's not just me!" China snapped heatedly.  _"Everyone_  is like this! You did this aru! Who else constantly brags about their voodoo magic?!"

"It isn't voodoo!" England snarled. "And I can assure you that no one else — "

Iceland walked past, a long fox tail curled up behind him.

"I can barely sit down," he spat, glaring at England.

"Yeah," Denmark agreed, his hands rubbing against a large pair of elk antlers. "He's really upset that he's missing more of his porn."

_"It isn't porn!"_

"Did you do this?" Norway growled — or tried to anyway. He was having trouble saying anything, what with his lips about four times their usual size.

Canada turned to stare at England — the other nation was spluttering, evident confusion plastered across his face.

"I didn't — I never — I — I — "

"Where's your spell book?" Canada demanded.

"Now don't take that tone with me, young man!" England snapped. "Dear lord, who taught you those manners?"

"Oh shut up England!" Canada growled. "Just tell me —  _where. Is. Your. Spell book."_

"My room!" England replied harshly. "It's in my room, where I left it — perfectly safe. I'm sure there is a perfectly rational explanation for all this — " He paused as Korea's head banged against the ceiling yet again — "that has absolutely nothing to do with me."

"He made me do it."

Everyone froze (except for Korea, who was preoccupied with being dragged across the ceiling horror-movie style) and turned around to stare at Latvia.

"What the  _bloody hell_  did you just say?" England snarled.

"He made me do it," Latvia whimpered. "He may be a child but — he's scarier than Mr. Russia!" Shuddering, he quickly added, "but don't tell Mr. Russia I said that."

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

"You're telling me," England growled, his voice rising in intonation with each word, "that Germany chased after you,  _tackled you to the floor,_  and forced you to give everyone animal appendages?"

"My head, da ze!" Korea wailed.

"…And to give Korea brain damage?"

"I tried to say no, but he was just so scary!" Latvia whimpered (in reality, he hadn't really protested too much — the look in Germany's eyes had been one he knew too well after years in Russia's company).

"How the fuck did that kid tackle you to the floor?" Denmark asked incredulously. "I mean, I know you're on the short side, but seriously."

"You had to be there to understand," Latvia muttered, shuddering.

"But what could he possibly be up to?" England sighed. "I mean…what could Germany have to gain by any of this?"

"Our pain, aru!" China yelled. "He's a child! All children are the same - monstrous, soul-sucking demons, aru."

"What children were you raising?" Denmark asked incredulously.

"He kept saying things about his 'beautiful angel'," Latvia murmured. "…Italy I think, but that's just weird."

"…What was he saying." It was Canada who had spoken, and he felt dread forming in his gut.

"Um…he kept saying he wanted to turn Italy into his 'angel' again…are you alright?"

This question was directed at England, who was rapidly growing paler with each word.

"Oh fuck," he moaned, "I think I know what he was up to — Latvia! What did he do to Italy?"

"I don't know!" Latvia wailed. "I was too busy hating my life!"

"Pathetic," Denmark murmured, with awe in his voice.

"Shut up Denmark," Norway grumbled.

"Did he turn him into a little girl?!" England reached out, latching onto Latvia's shoulders. "Tell me now! This information is crucial!"

"…Did he turn him into a little girl," Denmark repeated, ignoring Norway's murderous stare. "That…I'm sorry, but I'm not going to forget that line for a while."

"Denmark, shut up and let England ask the weird questions," Iceland muttered.

"England!" Canada yelled. "For godsake, I  _told_  you — "

"Candina, this is not the time for your senseless rambling!" England snarled, without sparing him a glance.

"It's  _Canada_  you fuck-wit!"

_"…What_  did you call me?!"

"Hey! Focus, aru!" China yelled. "You think you have it bad, aru?! What about poor Italy — changed into a woman against his will, aru!"

"What, no, that's not right," England argued, turning around. "He hasn't really  _changed_  into a girl, he's changed into his younger self, who  _thinks_  he is a girl."

"So he is a little girl — I know, aru," China said, agitated.

"No, he is  _not_  a girl, he only  _thinks_  he is — "

"Can I leave?" Latvia murmured.

"No!" England snapped, returning his attention to him. "Tell me — did Italy — oh for the love of God, forget it." He world around, his eyes blazing. "Come on! We need to find that little brat and reverse all this!"

"What about Yong-Soo, aru?!" China yelled.

England ignored him, running down the corridor. Canada followed, along with Denmark; Norway and Iceland soon followed in suit, yelling Denmark's name — along with a stream of profanity — as they did.

Latvia ran in the other direction.

"Hey!" Prussia exclaimed, as England jogged past. France and Spain stood behind him, staring curiously at the small group. "What the fuck are you losers doing?"

"You're brother stole my spell book!" England roared.

"Italy is a woman, aru!" Everyone turned around briefly, to see China running towards them, dragging Korea (who still floated unnaturally in the air) behind him.

"Mon dieu…" France murmured, his eyes growing wide.

"You didn't see them?" Canada questioned.

No one replied.

"Oh for godsake," Canada hissed.

"Did anyone see them?" Norway asked.

"West? Nah, I haven't seen him," Prussia replied. "Thank god — I think I'd go crazy if I had to put up with those kids anymore." He decided not to mention his earlier trip to Finland's room; he had a reputation to maintain, after all (an awesome-arse reputation).

"Oh, America's probably missing me!" England exclaimed, his eyes widening. "I should — "

"Um, hello — we have a problem that you caused that we need to solve!" Canada snapped (and he had no idea if they'd even heard him; god, it sucked to be him sometimes). "You've left America for decades before, I'm sure he can handle a few hours!"

"Oh, don't be jealous Canada," England retorted.

Canada gaped. "You…you got my name right."

"Well of course I did, Canape," England said, blinking (Canada inwardly and outwardly cringed).

"So what happened to Italy?" Spain questioned, his brow furrowing. "Anything I should know about? Something that would distress Lovi? Because, if it's something that would distress Lovi, then I need to know! Lovi can't be upset — "

"Shut up Spain," Prussia interjected. "Losers — what's going on with Italy?"

"We think Germany turned him into a child," Iceland replied.

"My head, da ze," Korea whimpered.

"What happened to him?" France asked curiously.

Iceland shrugged. "Germany got to him."

"I dislike Germany, da ze," Korea muttered. "And dislike originated in Korea, so it's especially strong coming from me!"

"Emotions can't be created in a specific nation, aru!" China snapped.

"We should go," Canada interjected. "The Conference room is right over there — we'll go in and see if anyone has seen…oh my  _god…"_

As he'd spoken, he'd walked towards the door, and had pushed it open. And what was inside…

…Well, let's just say, no one had been spared from Germany's wrath.

Literally  _every_  person in the room had acquired some sort of odd feature; cats ears, pigs noses, fish tails, female genitalia… (Japan was  _not_  happy).

"What the fuck did he  _do?!"_  England roared. "How the bloody hell did Latvia not mention  _this?!"_

"America's big brother!" came a cheerful voice from behind them. Like a dramatic scene from a horror movie, the group turned, their movements slow, towards the sound of the dreaded voice.

"I have my sweet angel back!" Germany exclaimed, his eyes shining.

Italy — little, dressed-as-a-girl-Italy — smiled and waved.

"Holy shit," Denmark breathed. "No wonder he didn't know what was under that thing — look at the size of that skirt!"


	26. Chapter 26

"…Oh dear lord."

Canada turned to England, his expression rapidly darkening. This was ridiculous. Canada was usually a very calm individual (at least in his opinion). The fact that he had gone centuries with people forgetting his existence, and  _hadn't_  snapped and gone on a rampage yet, was a testament to that fact. But ever since this mess had started, Canada had seriously begun to think he needed to reevaluate his priorities.

Oh, and magic sucked. Magic  _really_  sucked, and Canada would definitely be reminding England of that once this was all over. Maybe he would even track down and burn some of England's spell books. If England tried to retaliate, he'd be reminding him of  _this_  mess.

"England…" Canada's eyes narrowed.

"Not now Candora," England said dismissively (oh yes, Canada  _would_  be striking back this time). "This is…well…it  _looks_  very bad — "

Prussia snorted. "Looks? We have  _another_  brat to deal with!"

"And those monstrosities." France gestured at the group behind them. "Dear lord, just look at that grotesque…oh but at least there are a few shining beacons in this darkness." He winked at Japan, who (with his brand new, female form) looked torn between screaming and bursting into tears.

"What have you done, aru?!" China demanded, flattening down his dog ears with one hand. The other clutched onto Korea, who was bobbing a few millimetres away from the ceiling. Denmark, Iceland and Norway nodded, with Iceland batting furiously at the large fox's tail that curled behind him.

"Holy Roma, who are these people?" Italy asked, turning to Germany.

Germany beamed at him. "They aren't important, Italy! We are finally together again, and  _that_  is what matters!"

"But…" Italy blinked, confused. "We weren't together?"

"No!" Germany shot a brief, withering glance towards the group. "These monsters tried to keep us apart — but I fought to get you back, and now we are together again!"

"Oh Holy Roma,  _thank you!"_

"Of course, my sweet Italy! I would never — "

"Would someone just  _shut them up?!"_

"You have to admit, it's kind of cute though," Iceland said, hesitantly, ignoring Prussia's enraged cry.

Everyone turned to him, staring incredulously.

England shook his head, deciding that everyone here was crazy — except for him of course — so indulging Iceland's strange thoughts simply wasn't worth it. Children were insane and more trouble than they were worth (except for America of course, and he supposed some of his other colonies hadn't been _terrible…)._

"Right," he said, "I don't have time for this. Tell me —  _where_  is my book?"

Germany ignored him, preoccupied with smiling dreamily at Italy.

"You brat! Tell me where my damn book is!"

"Why should I tell you?" Germany retorted, crossing his arms across his chest. "You're just going to get rid of my Italy!"

England smirked. "Not just Italy — you too! How do you like  _that_ , huh, you little — "

(Despite raising many colonies, England clearly still had a lot to learn about dealing with children).

"England!" Canada interrupted. _"Not_  the time!"

England scowled.

Spain glanced back at the crowd gathered in the conference room. The doors were still open, and the frenzied group of nations could be seen. Spain's eyes zeroed in on Romano, and, beaming widely, he waved enthusiastically.

"Hi Romano!"

Romano pointed furiously at the large pair of rabbit ears sprouting from his head. "Bastard! Fix this!"

Spain clutched his hands together, his eyes practically shining. "But you look so  _cute!"_

_"You — "_

England stormed past Spain, and slammed the doors of the conference room shut, cutting off Romano's furious exclamation.

"The last thing we need are any distractions," he said, turning back to the group (and completely ignoring his own argument with Germany a few moments prior). "Now — Germany,  _where is the book?"_

Germany scowled. "I don't know."

England's eye twitched.  _"For the love of all that is holy_ , would you  _please — "_

"I don't know!" Germany yelled, his fists balling at his sides. "I left it somewhere! Why would I need that book after I got my Italy back?!"

England paled. "You…lost the book?"

Well then. This was bad. This was very,  _very_  bad.

"No…no!" China wailed. "I can't stay like this, aru!" He reached up to clutch desperately at the dog ears, and in doing so, relinquished his hold on Korea. The younger nation let out a scream as he went flying up.

"Yong Soo!" China yelled, still clutching the ears. "Duck you head! You are already damaged enough, aru!"

"Shit," Prussia said, summing up everyone else's thoughts. "Well…I vote we dump the brats off at some orphanage, and forget this ever happened."

Denmark raised one eyebrow. "Isn't that your brother?"

Prussia shrugged. "Yeah, but he was always really annoying as Holy Roman Empire, so — "

"Don't worry about us," Germany said, cutting him off. He crossed his arms in front of him, his chin raised defiantly. "We weren't planning on staying anyway! Italy and I are running away, and we will build our empire together!" As an afterthought he added, "And perhaps America would like to help us."

England paled. "Oh god,  _America."_

...

Back in England's room, America sat on the edge of England's bed, legs swinging back and forth.

His shoulders slumped, and he let out a disappointed sigh. "Big Brother left again, didn't he?"

...

England shook his head, trying to ignore the sudden urge to go running down the corridor, screaming, _"America, I'm coming!"_  That could wait. Right now, he needed to find a way to reverse this dratted spell. America may have been alone and scared, but…but…

Oh dear lord.

_"America!"_  he yelled, turning away from the group. "America, I'm coming!"

Canada let out a small groan. "Can we fix this  _before_  you go running off?"

England shot him a frazzled glance. "But America — "

" — has basically raised himself with the amount of time you left him alone. Trust me, I know. It'll be fine."

England's brow furrowed. "And  _who_  are you again?"

"…I'm not answering that."

"Angleterre," France interrupted, nodding towards Germany and Italy. The former had a tight grip on his 'angels' hand, and looked ready to take of running at any moment. "Perhaps we should move this along, hmm?"

England shot Germany a look of pure loathing, but nodded his head. "Fine. Whatever. We'll split up then. France, Spain and Prussia — you're the only ones able to tolerate each other, so you'll form one group. Denmark, Norway - you head off that way. Iceland, since you apparently find this 'cute' you can watch these two."

"Wait what?!" Iceland yelped. "No!"

England ignored him. "Korea and China — wait, where did Korea and China go?"

"China dragged him off, muttering something about barricading themselves in his room, and sticking cushions on the ceiling," Spain replied cheerily.

"…Right then. I will go that way — "

"What about me?"

"Hmm?" England blinked. "Who said that."

Canada's eye twitched.

England clapped his hands together, his eyes narrowing in determination (and with more than a little irritation — he would  _much_  rather be spending his time with America, sipping on tea, and eating scones, and laughing at the ridiculous notion of someone throwing perfectly good tea in a harbour).

Oh yes, a number of people would  _suffer_  when this was over. Prussia, for causing this mess in the first place. Germany, because he was a demonic little brat. Italy, for being the unwilling motivation of that little shit. Iceland for _finding this cute_  (sure  _America_  was a mass of adorableness and rainbows, but  _Italy_  and  _Germany?_ No.  _No_ ).

But first, that damn book had to be found.

"Right," he said. "Let's go."

...

After few hours of fruitless searching, the group realised that this would probably take a lot longer than they'd expected (and Iceland realised he'd most likely be missing his tv shows. Again). Midway through, they'd bumped into Poland, who, after much complaining, had agreed to help (if only to get rid of the "like, totally demonic little brats, and omg, there's like,  _another_  one now?!").

Still. An extra person really hadn't helped much, and now the group stood despondently in the middle of a long corridor.

"Does anyone want to tell me why America was wondering around  _alone?"_

The group glanced up. Finland stood a few feet away, his arms crossed in front of him. America stood beside him, eyes glancing hurriedly over the group for England.

"America!" England cried, hurrying forward. "I am so sorry! I just — those brats just — " He waved furiously at Germany and Italy.

America pouted slightly, but nodded his head. "That's okay. Mister Finland was really nice and helped me find you." He peaked over England's shoulder, as the older nation pulled him into a tight hug, and beamed widely when he saw Germany.

"Hi, Ho!" His gaze settled on Italy, and he cocked his head to the side. "Who's that?"

"This is my sweet angel!" Germany replied, beaming proudly. Italy blushed.

America let out a gasp, and squirmed out of England's grasp (much to nation's disappointment), hurrying forward. He came to a stop in front of Germany and Italy, and studied Italy intently for a moment.

"Wow, you're so pretty!" he said at last.

"Thank you," Italy said, smiling shyly. "So are you!"

America frowned slightly. "Don't you mean handsome?"

Italy giggled. "No silly! Handsome is for boys!"

America's face fell.

England hurried over to America. "America, why don't we head off, hmm? I can whip you up some scones, and make you a lovely cup of tea!" Because of course, now that little America was back in his line of vision, England had returned to a preferred line of thought —  _'why the hell would I return them back to the normal states, when I can have THIS?!'_

"Hey!" Prussia snapped. "What about changing the brats back?!"

"Surely that can wait," England said.

Canada stared at him. "It really can't."

America turned to Canada. "Who are you?"

Canada shuffled slightly, and gave his brother a hesitant smile. Seeing America like this was  _strange_. "I'm Canada."

"Like my brother?" America exclaimed, his eyes growing wider as he spoke. "Sometimes he's like an imaginary friend, because he disappears, and — hey mister, where did you go? Oh, he's  _just_  like Mattie!"

"Oh my god, it's like, a ghost," Poland wailed.

Denmark grinned. "Well it's a good thing I'm — "

"No," Norway said flatly.

Finland stared blankly at the group for a moment, taking in the the newest de-aged individual, and the strange appendages some of them had acquired. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then let out an exhausted sigh. "Okay, what's going on here? What are all of you doing?"

Denmark jerked his thumb in Germany's direction. "He hid England's spell book, and it has what we need to turn them back. And fix…all this shit. Seriously, Finland, things are  _weird_ right now. Do you know Japan's a chick? And Korea is like a real life helium balloon!"

"We just need to fix this fucking mess," Prussia said. "This is so  _not_  awesome."

"And kind of your fault," Spain reminded him.

"I'm sorry, what? Did you hear something? I thought I heard something, but then realised it was probably just the un-awesome wind."

Germany crossed his arms, and scowled defiantly. "I'm don't regret it. They were trying to keep me from Italy."

Finland sighed, and ran a hand over his face. "Holy Roman Empire…could you please tell me where the book is?"

"No."

"…Please?" Finland fought to hide his frustration. "I know this may seem scary — "

"I'm a great empire!" Germany retorted. "I don't get scared!"

Finland ignored him. " — but it's really not. And look, ignore all of them — I understand that Prussia must be annoying you — "

"I'll show you annoying you loser — "

" — but have I been mean to you?"

Germany stared at him for a moment. He then shuffled, averting his gaze slightly. "No."

Finland allowed a smile at that. "So then — could you tell me where the book is."

Germany was silent for a moment. He stared at Finland, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Finally, he nodded his head, and said hesitantly, "I gave it to the scary man."

"…What?"

Germany shrugged. "He was big. He was scary. I wanted to get rid of the book, and I figured you would all be a bunch of scaredy-cats, so you wouldn't be able to get it back from him."

"Oh thank god," England sighed. "It's obvious who he is talking about."

"…It is?" Finland glanced at him in surprise.

"Yes." England shrugged. "It's obviously Russia. Can you think of anyone else who fits that description?"

"…Yes?"

France snorted. "It's not  _Russia."_  He tossed his hair back, smirking slightly. "He is  _obviously_  talking about moi. There is no one more intimidating — impressively, and  _stunningly_ intimidating — than me. And 'big'… _well…"_

"He gave you the book?" England asked flatly.

France's expression faltered. "…No."

"Then shut the hell up, you frog."

"It's like,  _obviously_  the janitor!" Poland yelled. "Like, it's  _always_  the janitor. And they're like,  _so_  terrifying with those  _outfits_  they wear! Talk about last season — and when I say last season, I mean, like,  _never."_

"…Sweden? He's talking about Sweden right?" Denmark let out a laugh, and rubbed the back of his head. "Not that  _I'm_  scared of him, of course!"

"It's probably Romano," Spain said cheerily. "My little Roma can be terrifying when he wants to be! Still adorable though."

Prussia snorted. "As if Romano is more terrifying than the awesome me."

"Yeah but he didn't give the book to you, did he?"

"I'm  _telling_  you it's like, the janitor!"

"I'm sticking with Russia."

"…and you're sure he was big? Because China may be small, but he's pretty scary when he wants to be — "

"Are you sure it was a  _guy?_  Because what about Russia's sister, she is _fucking terrifying."_

"Ahh yes, Ukraine is simply magnifique — and I suppose by 'big' Germany was simply referring to her — "

_"No_  France, I was talking about the creepy, incestuous one."

"…Oh."

Finland turned to Germany, a look of desperation on his face. "Can you tell us anything else about this person?"

Germany shrugged. "No. I was too busy looking at Italy. Can we  _go_  now?"

Finland bit back a sob. Oh god, he should have known. No way this would ever be that easy.

"…Wait, this place like,  _does_  have a janitor, right?"

 

 


End file.
